or is my brother

[SmellsLikeTeenStrop]

I was visiting my dad today, he's in a care home because he's dying from cancer basically and needs 24 hour care.

Also visiting my dad was my brother, his wife and their 4 children. The children are young, oldest is 6 and youngest is a new born. When I was there the kids spent most of the time running up and down the corridor, shouting - and my brother and SIL seemed to spend most of the time yelling at the children and threatening them with all sorts of punishments.

After they had left my dad said they had been there for 2 hours and the kids had started misbehaving very shortly afterwards. My brother and SIL had not brought anything for the kids to do while they were there.

AIBU to think that if you take small children to that sort of environment you should bring something with you to entertain the kids so they're not causing havoc and disturbing the other residents.

Also, AIBU to believe that when your children are kicking off like that you should bloody well take them home. I have small children of my own and we rarely stay longer then an hour because I know they will get fretful and I don't want to be cause a nuisance by my children misbehaving.

Your brother should have visited by himself imho. Golden rule of parenting, take distractions wherever you go, isn't it?

hindsight is a wonderful thing - i don't know what your borthers day consisted of and how it was planned - maybe they were going somewhere else afterwards, maybe they had a lot on their minds, maybe his wifes family bring a lot of problems, maybe xmas has been a complete arseache to them - who knows.

yes ideally toys would have been a good idea.

i am glad that he made an effort to see your dad

I would bring stuff (and did when mine were that age) but if I had planned on staying somewhere for 2 hours the childrens behaviour wouldnt change that. I would however not tolerate them running up and down and shouting in someone elses home.

It is a parenting decision clearly they felt it was ok.. YANBU re the bringing stuff though. I dont agree with taking them home.

Yes, they should have brought stuff. But it would be easy to forget with 4 under 6, one being a newborn, don't you think?

i always have something in the car that they can play with, if i find my plans changing and going somewhere that is boring for young children.
best wishes to you all. can't be an easy time

Curlymama If this was a one off then maybe, but on other occasions when our visits have coincided they didn't bring entertainment for the kids.

Lonnie I'm sure if the relative you were visiting was looking exhausted and expressed a desire to get some sleep, but it was clear that your childrens shouts, whines and running around were keeping him awake, you'd take them away even if just for a run around outside to let them burn off some energy. My dad was relieved when they finally left, their visit was not enjoyable for him.

IDK - I am pathologically organised and anal about stuff like that, according to my ex, so I would have had toys/snacks etc in the car.

Maybe they're not

And maybe he felt it was important to visit your Dad at Christmas given the circumstances and the visit had to be slotted into available time?

AND they have a newborn and 3 other young children, so this is not an easy task

So I think maybe yabatinybitu

But cut yourself and your brother some slack - you're all in a difficult situation

Thinking of you .

YANBU, but I suppose it was nice that they wanted to visit your dad for so long, as a lot of people find visiting very sick relatives difficult and leave after a very short time. So it was nice that they wanted to stay. However, in my opinion, if they want to keep 4 kids there for 2 hours then it is their responsibility to keep them occupied, well behaved, and not causing a disturbance to the other residents/patients, plus carers, visitors, etc. I honestly think that some people just don't have a clue how to interact with their own children, or how to talk to them or play with them. I was once on a coach with a little boy and his mother in front of me, and he had nothing to keep him occupied, and his mum couldn't be bothered to talk to him and just kept snapping at him and trying to get him to go to sleep. He was about 4, and the journey was 7 hours long. From an outsider's persepective it was easy for me to see that he was bored stiff and just wanted a bit of attention. He wasn't even particulalry naughty, just asked a lot of questions, over and over again, that she wouldn't answer. I wanted to shout at her "talk to your child for goodness sake!!!" And I couldn't understand why she had not brought anything to keep him occupied. I think they'd been away and were returning home, so I could maybe forgive the fact that all his toys might be at home, but surely she could have thought to at least buy him a comic from one of the many shops near the coach station?! But I think she just didn't have a clue what to do with him or how to talk to him. Sad really.

I suspect that a lot of your nehews/nieces' misbehaviour stemmed from the fact that their parents were threatening things but never carrying through. I have known a few adults do that, and their kids quickly learn that they can keep on misbehaving as their parents are not going to do anything, or not for a long time anyway. Yes, I think if they had been misbehaving then their parents should have taken them home. I can understand why they didn't though - they wanted to see your dad, and thought he wanted to see all of them. Unfortunately, because of the children's behaviour he was probably much happier once they had left!

we always tend to have some books/small carry bag of little toys/colouring stuff in car for those moments. also during this festive season i'm giving them the odd late xmas pressie in cafes or other quiet locations. this wouldn't help with a new born of course but i think it's important for the other children (once old enough) to learn how to be considerate to the needs of others. The parents could have taken it in turns to play with the kids to help with this.

nice they saw your dad and your dad saw them but sad for other residents.

Your brother knows his Dad does not have long, its inevitable that he would take the children, unfortunate though that he could not have got them to behave.

Your brother and his wife were very unreasonable to allow that to go on under the circumstances. They should have kept the children quiet, no doubt they also disturbed many other patients. Knowing me, I would have phoned my brother afterwards to suggest they only bring in one child to visit at a time, if they can't keep them quiet. I am very surprised the staff didn't have a word with your brother!

I think YABU somewhat. He took the time to visit with his children so they could see their grandfather. Yes, it may have been chaotic, yes they probably should've dealt with the children better. But he took the time to visit. I daresay if he hadn't, the thread would have been "AIBU to think that my brother and his family could have taken the time to visit his dying father at Christmas?"

Sorry, but I think the stress of the situation is probably making you overreact just a bit. If their behaviour had been actually bothering others, surely the staff would have said something. If it was that bad while you were there, why didn't YOU say something? Or perhaps offer to take his children for a brief walk so he could have some quiet time talking with your father, and then he could go and give you some time with him?

It's very likely that he is just as stressed as you are, and simply forgot to bring something along for the children to do or didn't think of it. And he didn't want to leave right away because it's his father there, and he didn't want to cut short the time he had with him. It's a difficult situation all the way around, to be fair.