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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The Godnother's rant

28 replies

LatteLady · 26/12/2010 16:51

I have two Godsons who are brothers and their mum has been my best friend since our first day at secondary school. I always spend between £30 - £40 on them. So why do I feel miffed that my prezzie from them is choc reindeer and snowballs... I could understand if they had no money but they are v comfortable. So why do I feel as though this was the emergency gift from under the tree?

Am I just being mean to feel as though there was no thought?

OP posts:

lololizzy · 26/12/2010 16:54

not the amount spent, but yes not a very thoughtful present

parakeet · 26/12/2010 18:58

To be honest, I tend towards the "Christmas presents are mainly for children" school of thought. In my family, grown-ups tend to get token presents. Maybe they share my philosophy?

SeaTrek · 26/12/2010 19:00

I am in the 'Christmas presents are for Children and Charity' camp, too. I think it is sweet of them to give you a token gift.

DurhamDurham · 26/12/2010 19:12

I am Godmother to six children and never get gifts off any of them I do get beautiful cards. It doesn't occur to me to mind. But I wouldn't say no to Chocolate

usualsuspect · 26/12/2010 19:13

YABU

Ormirian · 26/12/2010 19:13

I don't expect pressies from my godchildren. But then I am a Crap Godmother and rarely remember them either

emmanana · 26/12/2010 19:34

Whether it's right or wrong, the answer is different for individual situations, but if you're a parent reading this, please consider the writing between the lines. Most people don't buy to get back, but if I can maybe take liberty and assume OP is feeling a little hurt? I know where you're coming from.For the 1st time this year, I actually added up the amount of money spent on ds, bil, and d(15)s(12)s(9). around £40 on each child (Books,science museum gift, chocs,) and £25 each on ds and bil. As normal, dh and I recd a gift from the sainsburies 3 - 4 - 2 range. Him a screwdriver set, me a salt grinder. S is a sahm (who also has a cleaner.) A little thought would mean so much, rather than something thrown in her shopping trolley. Money is certainly not an issue with them. Bil regularly tells people about his 17 toilets in his various homes in uk and europe. (not including the one on his face).
I am seriously thinking of curbing the gifts next year. £10 itunes voucher each for the kids, and thats it.
Can any parent give me a perspective from the other side of the fence? Do I take it that they, as a family, see presents as some sort of necessary afterthought ? And in that regard won't see anything strange in me cutting down?

WhiteTrash · 26/12/2010 19:35

Id be chuffed with that. Right now, Im busting for some chocolate.

ShanahansRevenge · 26/12/2010 20:59

I probably appear a lot more comfortable than I am...I work part time from home and older DD is in private school...I simply cant afford to give adults "good" gifts...I also have very little time...I tend to buy token things too.

No offence meant.

HeathcliffMoorland · 26/12/2010 21:19

YANBU.

If they can afford chocolates, they can afford more thoughtful things at the same price.

When we were growing up, mum and dad didn't have much money. I know it's not an exact trade off, but when someone bought us something expensive (and or thoughtful), we gave them something thoughtful in return.

DitaVonCheese · 26/12/2010 22:57

YABU. I never gave gifts to my godparents, don't expect them from my goddaughter. DD won't get them for her godparents either.

onceamai · 26/12/2010 23:11

YABU - I buy for my godchildren - I expect nothing in return.

LionsAreScary · 26/12/2010 23:50

OP, what would you like as a gift from them, then?

Maybe you could cut down how much you spend on them.

I just don't get all this need for reciprocal spending.

cupcakebakerer · 26/12/2010 23:56

Ooh I think you are being very unreasonable. I would never expect a gift in return for a gift I'd given any child. It wouldn't even have crossed my mind and the fact their parents did the token gift thing is very thoughtful (I'm assuming they are too young to earn their own money).

curlymama · 27/12/2010 00:34

Do you have children of your own?

Did your friend give you anything else, or were the chocolates your only present?

MrsNonSmoker · 27/12/2010 00:41

Are these gifts tagged as being directly from the children? If so, I think you might be unreasonable. However, if it is from the whole family then I agree it might be nice if they got you some good chocolates occasionally or something like that?

I only got my DC's godparents presents from them, that is to say the children chose the items which cost, lets say, about £2 each, and I paid for them. We were really struggling this year so I couldn't then get anything else on top - next year I am going to remind godparents just to buy for DCs and not us as well as I was embarrassed. BTW I've posted elsewhere about how delighted my DCs were with their godparents' various gifts. We have hardly any family so its really special to my DCs, I just wish everyone could have been here to hear the little coos and squeals of delight.

Opinionatedfreak · 27/12/2010 02:39

YABU.

I only expect a thank you letter!

I also don't buy for godchildren at Christmas 'cos I have a blanket rule of not buying for non-family children at Christmas and don't want to discriminate between the families who have chosen to do the 'christening' thing and made me an 'official' godparent and those who haven't whose children are equally dear to me.

All the children concerned get birthday presents though and a sprinkling of stuff during the year as and when I see them/ or things that they would like/ need.

porcamiseria · 27/12/2010 09:47

dont spend so much, simple

do you only give to receive.....

JingleBelleDameSansMerci · 27/12/2010 10:01

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

For a long time, I was the the childless, well off Godmother and used to spoil my God-daughter and her brother and sisters on all high days and holidays. I didn't really expect anything back but the years of not even getting a thank you, or of getting a thoughtless present that I would never choose for myself really did take their toll. To cap it all, the parents of said children haven't exactly made an effort since my DD has been born either.

I am now very aware that my childless friends insist on buying something for DD and for me. I make sure they get something back from both of us - not just some thoughtless tat.

It's true that you don't give to receive but there can come a point where it's all just a bit too one sided.

swanandduck · 27/12/2010 10:06

How old are they? I never got presents from Godchildren until they had left school and got part time jobs (I have six). If they're small, maybe it's something they bought you from their pocket money that their mum thought you would value more than something she'd bought, wrapped and put their name on.

arentfanny · 27/12/2010 10:11

It is not the norm for Godchildren to give presents. We do from our DC's but this year was either socks/book, a token gift.

TheSecondComing · 27/12/2010 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 27/12/2010 11:21

If it's from the kids then that's one thing, if it's from your friend too I'd be miffed also. Do you buy presents for each other?

TheSecondComing · 27/12/2010 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

LatteLady · 27/12/2010 17:08

OK, to make it clear, I am single I have no children and this was the only gift I received from all of them. Yes, I did buy a gift for their mum... she has been my best friend for a very long time and we have exchanged gifts since we were 11. I should also add that she is the one with the inherited property empire.

I have always accepted that as a singleton I will be expected to buy more gifts and end up with just the one but it just seemed that this was rather unthinking and mean this year.

OP posts:

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