row with children on boxing day

[alemci]

feeling pretty fed up. my husband had to work today and i was left at home with my teenagers. one got up but the others stayed in bed till midday.

The house was messy and mainly with their clutter so i tried to get them to help me clean up. I just lost it and got annoyed as per usual i was running around trying to do everything whilst they sat around. The washing is never ending and i cannot dry it all etc

sat down for a bit and then my 2 daughters asked if they could open some quality street of mine. i said no as they hadn't helped at all. later on i discovered they had unwrapped a selection box which i had wrapped up for my ed's boyfriend so i felt really cross. she said he didn't mind and she had texted him but i thought it was really deceitful.

both girls went out after doing very little. My ed seems to think that because she works part time it lets her off the hook.

my poor husband came home to me crying and saying how much i hate christmas.

my instinct is now just to back off. i do a lot of running around after my daughters taxiing at the drop of a hat, always having their friends over, having ED boyfriend over and vacating lounge and providing meals.

I want to do these things and be a good mother but i just feel like a drudge and a doormat and really resentful

hope i am not being too moany

No, you are NBU!

YANBU but you are being a doormat. Teenagers are hard work but they can only get away with what you let them and as they are often lazy little devils, they will get away with doing nothing if they can.

You need to establish new rules where you are an equal and not a slave/doormat.

Go with your instinct. Not to be vindictive or mean, more to teach them the value of what you do and enable them to contribute to your lives in a positive fashion.
You are not a personal servant, or a Mumwillfixit, and they need reminding not to be so selfish and thoughtless.

YANBU With my kids when they got to about 10 they where never allowed to their belongings downstairs after opening on christmas in fact the 2 youngest DD2[15] and DS[16] aren't ever allowed to keep their belongings downstairs that's what their rooms are for DD2 has even in the last few months started helping out a lot more but only because I had a mini meltdown over doing everything.

You can either get upset or get revenge , whilst they are out ,go and find their favorite tops ,jeans ,etc and hide them ,back of the airing cupboard is always a good one ,or find shoes and hide one of a pair ,cleaning cupboard another good place! Dont dry their underwear too well ,so its damp when you pop it in their drawers , remove the plug from therir hair straighteners and tell them you desperately needed it for the hoover , Im sure you can think of lots of others . Remember YOU have the power

You dont sound moany at all to me!!

I sympathise and understand your frustrations. I have 5 teenagers and I taxi them around, prepare meals around their work patterns, have to change my plans at the drop of a hat to accommodate them, never-ending pile of washing and ironing and sometimes I feel like screaming.

I think that because they are older they should be more considerate and thoughtful, caring and appreciative, but they just arent!!! I do everything that I do because I love them, as you do for younger children, but, although they are older, I now think they wont appreciate what I do for them until they have got out in the world more and had children of their own.

My dad and mum would have done exactly the same for me and I dont really feel that I showed any appreciation as a teenager.

You could try explaining how you feel. they might just not see that you feel like that.

I will hang around here and see if you get any miracle cures good advice.

Obviousley do all i suggested in a non vindictive manner and be very sympathetic when they cant find the things ,but do sweet fa to help them find them

One thing I do is this:

They can have a lift, but they have to do something for me in exchange. (That doesn't mean tidying THEIR room.)

If their journey takes 15 minutes, then it actually takes me 30 minutes. They have to do 30 minutes' worth of work for me before I give them the lift. Oh and no go-slows either! I decide what they will do for that 30 minutes.

It has two consequences - one is that it makes them think twice about having a lift, and the other is that it makes them realise how much of my time they are taking up.

Having said that, I think you could've expected them to stay in bed late and you could've expected them to want chocolate on Boxing Day!

atswimtwolengths that is inspired! Will use that one!!

OP, I feel some hefty new years resolutions are in order.

Be tough, they have to know what it takes to be self sufficient... or are you going to send them to one of those vastly extravagant boot camp courses so they can be ready for Uni/The Outside World?

SEriously, they need bringing to heel, and your DH needs to back you up to the hilt on this.

start the new year with a rota? Get them to do one job each per day. Yes you love them but no you don't have to be a doormat. What are you really teaching them? They need to learn to work as a team, to appreciate your care/the house and to look after themselves.

Both daughters could have a rota that includes each of the following.
-Hoovering throughout or bed changing
-Cooking a meal
-Washing up
-Drying up
-Ironing family clothes for 30 mins
-Mopping and dusting
-Cleaning bathroom

If they don't pull their weight - don't get cross. Just stop washing their clothes/cooking for them/driving them/giving pocket money/vacating lounge

it escalated into a huge row and the girls went out to their friends and came home really late. my husband got really angry and wanted to solve it. the girls are close in age and tend to gang up.

I have got to the point where i am so sick of the whole scenario, i won't ask for help and if gets too much just chuck it all out or stick it in their rooms.

My ED is at the stage where she makes me feel bad about my behaviour and she has done nothing wrong. she thinks it is more than the housework but i am sure you know that situations escalate normally.

everyone is out and it is lovely and peaceful.:)