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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking men are not hard done to?

35 replies

firefliesinjune · 26/12/2010 09:15

My Mum and SIL came for Christmas dinner. DH wanted to cook as it meant he could hide in the kitchen cooking (and smoking)

I had offered to do the cooking but he was happy for me to keep everyone else entertained (out the way)

My Mum went into the kitchen and started to go on and on about how lucky I am I have such a wonderful DH and how I didnt appreciate him. I said yes I do appreciate the things he does do and he knows this. I didnt say well actually he does next to nothing around the house and I am shattered all the time with 2 DC and everything else.

My Mum wouldnt leave it though and went on about how "young women" nowadays have no clue what men have had to go through to "change" and that they have done so well in such a short space of time to adjust to having to do everything a woman does.

I said well maybe back in the day they got away with not doing much but surely we SHOULD expect them to pull their weight eh?

Mum said that us "young women" should be grateful and it not easy for these men as they have no choice but to change as we would not have it any other way.
(aw diddums)

My DH said nothing and I didnt want a row so I just wandered off and kept quiet but its really annoyed me. Am I being unreasonable to find her attitude really irritating!

If my DH really did pull his weight and all was hunky dory maybe I wouldnt feel so annoyed but he genearally doesnt he was only cooking dinner to escape them! Angry

BTW I am SAHM and DH works 24 hours a week.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 26/12/2010 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cumfy · 26/12/2010 11:16

YANBU
Very odd speech to initiate in a Xmas kitchen.
Would have gone for "Don't worry he does fuck all normally ... this is the 21st not 19th century Mum "

Smoking while cookingEnvyenvy

OnEdge · 26/12/2010 11:26

YANBU its pathetic. Its like in the summer when there is a BBQ, they parade around cooking meat (that we have prepared) and suddenly holding the children (which are dressed in clothes we have cleaned etc ) and everyone thinks they do the lot the other 364 days of the year Angry When everyone has gone, who cleans up the fuckin mess, and gets the kids bathed and bedded etc. while BBQ man sits back on his arse again feeling smug.

None of the guests see that part. They go home thinking he does it all.

Original poster
firefliesinjune · 26/12/2010 11:36

I did want to shout
"Hang on he is only cooking to escape you and his sister!!"

But I believe I am better than that. I did try and tell Mum that its a bit stone age to think Men should do nothing but she was not going to have it. My Mum is a bit strange so its sometimes better to just leave it.

My DH was all smug and I told him that its fine, seeing as he didnt correct her about ALL of the work he does usually, next year I will cook and he can entertain them. Its only fair on him the poor dear.

OP posts:
SerendipitousHarlot · 26/12/2010 11:37

Not if they're married, they don't OnEdge Grin

Although, I don't understand this not doing your dh laundry thing. Why not? If you're sharing a house, isn't it easier for both of you to just bung it all in?

maighdlin · 26/12/2010 11:37

My DH is a domestic god. He loves cooking does dishes tidying up etc. and has the main goal in life of being a stay at home dad to six children, and doing it all, not thinking that it would be a skive, like some men think it would be. he would have uniforms ready, packed lunches done etc.

My mum goes on at me all the time about how lucky i am, and i know it, but she also makes me feel bad about how much he does and i don't. My dad is a useless fecker and she is used to a man incapable of doing anything, but that doesn't mean i should treat my very capable DH the same way. It annoys me as i hardly think his mum would say that to him if it were the other way round.

SkyBluePearl · 27/12/2010 02:51

Ignore her! She lives in a time warp.

Im a 35 week pregnant SAHM with 2 but i also work one day a week. DH works long hours/commutes so i do everything housey/kiddie/foodie on my own from 7am when they wake to 7pm when they go to bed. I have hurt my leg and also hit burn out last week so DH has taken over cooking the main meals/a lot of the child care (I did all the xmas prep well in advance and then the food is nothing complex - all in the slow cooker) - I'm really glad he is pulling his weight at a time i need support. I also think it's important that he knows how to run the household and then also appreciate what i do 12 hours a day. I think his mother would be horrified though to think her son wasn't waited on hand and foot!

SkyBluePearl · 27/12/2010 02:53

ps.some of our family will thank dh for cooking a sunday meal if he simply turns up and serves the food despite me having done all the prep and cooking and dishing out!

Katey1010 · 27/12/2010 04:06

Sorry, but haven't we had to adjust to getting married and NOT immediately giving up work to keep house until the babies arrive. Then we have to adjust to going back to work and feeling pressure to juggle work, housework, BFing, school demands, a rising divorce rate (frequently blamed on women letting themselves go) and so on. Sounds like we have had a little more to adjust to than men (boo hoo, I have to do a bit more around the house, that's about all).

I can't complain because my DH does actually do more than me around the house, earns more and is currently doing pretty much all the care of the new DD except BFing. He is a wonder. We both thank each other a lot. Not because it is anyone's job but because we are both in this together.

anastaisia · 27/12/2010 14:28

If I had a DH who expected to stop everything to clean drawers while I occupied the children I'd find an urgent reason to 'nip out' with the baby in a sling and leave the other two with him with instructions to 'help daddy clean'

But I have decided I will never be having a live in partner unless them moving in significantly improves my quality of life. Proper adult partnership or fun dating while living in separate places.

YANBU to be irritated at the crazy ideas your mum was sharing :)

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