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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish ds would sleep in his crib for longer than one hour?

21 replies

YuleTideD0G · 25/12/2010 23:40

He's 14ish weeks and I swear the boy never bloody sleeps. I'm lucky if he manages an bouton his crib. He doesn't just whinge he wakes up absolutely yelling straight off.

He had reflux which has now passed but it seems perhaps because he was held soo much till now that he strongly objects to being put down ever.

I can listen to whinging, but he just does this blood curdling scream (whenever he's put down, day or night) I don't want to do cc as advised by hv. But, what can I do? The little sod darling would quite happily sleep in our bed but I'd rather he didn't.

At 14. (ish) weeks aibu to think he should be capable of more than an hour. he's my 4th btw and bone of my others were like this, in fact they were all fantastic sleepers. Am I just expecting too much?

OP posts:

methsdrinker · 26/12/2010 00:04

It might be the reflux, you know. Try raising the head bit of the mattress by about an inch. Stick a folded or rolled blanket underneath the mattress in bed.

Is the baby in a bed or moses basket, He might be hitting his hand on the sides of the moases basket and giving himself a jolt.

Other than that Im clueless

NotANaturalGeordie · 26/12/2010 00:05

DD2 is now 7 months and I am still bed hopping between her, DD1 (5yrs) and DH. We have 5 bed spaces plus crib so it's anyone's guess where we all end up. As long as I get some sleep I no longer care!

On a serious note, I am not a fan of CC. If you don't want him in your bed anymore then I would try to be calm and consistent - pick him up when he cries and put him down when he's drowsy, even if it means spending a while doing it. Remember he has to learn every new thing, so he isn't being difficult on purpose, he just doesn't know what to do. Good luck!

greenbananas · 26/12/2010 00:05

My DS was like that. Some babies just want to be held all the time. Like you, I didn't want to do controlled crying (and I'm not convinced it would even work with a 14 week old baby - I'm surprised that the HV has recommended it at this stage). I caved in and took him to bed with me, and I carried him in a sling during the daytime. It passed, eventually.

PatsyPlusOne · 26/12/2010 05:41

i can thoroughly recommend white noise. works a treat for us.

MumNWLondon · 26/12/2010 08:55

If tilting the cot/white noise/slumber bear don't work, personally I would go with the cosleeping if that works until you wean.

There is often an improvement in reflux on weaning, and if you speak to a specialist paed you might find they recommend early weaning to help with the reflux.

There is also reflux meds that help.

If you are open to CC,the sleep fairy book has lots of ideas of getting reflux baby to sleep as her grandson had severe reflux.

sleep fairy

littlesez · 26/12/2010 09:06

Have you considered a sling for the day times that way he gets to be held close to you but you have your hands free. 14 weeks is still so tiny so know it wont be for very long now til he settles down a bit, but must be hard if your other 3 slept well from a young age. for bedtimes maybe let him sleep in your bed then transfer him when he is fast asleep so you can have your own space to sleep.

Theree is a book called no cry sleep solution which i loved and would highly recommend but like others say it may be the reflux.

YANBU but your health visitor is!

Original poster

YuleTideD0G · 26/12/2010 10:08

Thanks for the replies. I'll try White noise. He was up and down constantly from when I posted till 4am when I gave up and had him in bed. I don't really want to cosleep though as I often wake up to find him under the covers, o also wake up so stiff from the position I'm in, he likes to sleep on my arm. If he ever settles in his crib it's when he manages to turn slightly on his side with his face mooshed into the bumper.

I felt so cross with him last night. Am really at the end of my tether with him he's such hard work. Oh and I have a sling that he is in almost constantly but surely he must learn to be not held sometime.

OP posts:

atswimtwolengths · 26/12/2010 12:09

But if he is in the sling almost constantly, then that's where he's learning he should be, surely?

Original poster

YuleTideD0G · 26/12/2010 12:23

Atswim you're probably right but from day dot he's yelled when he's not been held, the sleep situation has got a lot worse recently. I don't know what to do to be able to put him down either awake for a kick on his mat or to go to bed. He just roars. He is such hard work

OP posts:

Morloth · 26/12/2010 12:49

You need to get rid of the bumper, if he smooshes his face up to it in the night and you are asleep he might get trapped there and suffocate, I am amazed the still sell the things.

He is 14 weeks old, YOU are everything to him, he doesn't feel safe and calm unless he is in contact with you. It will be that way for a while, sling through the day and then into bed with you - what about a side car arrangement with the cot?

He isn't trying to be difficult or hard work he is just a little bundle of instincts at the moment the strongest of which is to stay a close as possible to you, up until very recently he was inside you, he just has no idea what is going on.

Original poster

YuleTideD0G · 26/12/2010 12:59

Morloth, iswym about the bumper but it's not one he can get stuck under if that makes sense.

I agree about him wanting to be close etc and am happy most of the time to accomodate it, it's hard though trying to balance the needs of him and the other dc's the others weren't like him at all, I know it's not naughtiness, babys can't be naughty I agree. I'd even be happy yo have a cot on the side of our bed but, he really will only sleep on my arm with his mouth no further than 2cm away from my nipple . I'm so exhausted and would like to just be able to sleep with him not on me.

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Morloth · 26/12/2010 13:04

Have you tried swaddling him? We used the grobag stretchy one and DS2 wouldn't sleep alone without it. I hear you on the nipple thing, both mine were/are boob monsters and DS2 is sick atm so snuggled up in bed with us right now and keeps helping himself, which is bloody annoying.

Original poster

YuleTideD0G · 26/12/2010 13:12

at boobmonster.

Yep we swaddled him with a thing blanket and grobag over the top, he's quite a big boy and can get out of the swaddling unless webstraightjacket him with grobag.

Hope your ds is better soon. The helping themselves bit is strange isn't it, whenever I fall asleep feeding I wake up to him relatching sone hours later!

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SkyBluePearl · 27/12/2010 03:05

14 weeks is very young still so wouldn't bother with CC for many months (if you want to use it) - use the sling as he needs to be close to you. Will pass as you know - must be hard being the only child to have been like this though. Sounds like my second babe.

missalien · 27/12/2010 06:10

Would you consider cranial osteopathy. Mine screamed when put down turns out he had a problem with his neck and was in pain a lot. Well worth it.

Original poster

YuleTideD0G · 27/12/2010 19:57

Have spent a small fortune on osteopath, did help to an extent.
I didn't fancy the idea of cc, person who advised told me of leaving a 4 week old screaming for 20 minutes "it's the only way he'll learn". All of my others would have a tony whinge and a sing before sleep but I just cannot listen to screaming.

He is a tricky one though this baba.

OP posts:

northernrock · 27/12/2010 20:12

My son had reflux and wouldn't be put down to sleep. I triedd the Pick up/put down thing (Baby Whisperer), which helped a bit.

In the end though, the only thing that worked was when he learned to roll onto his tummy.
One morning I woke up in a panic at 7 am because he had been quiet for hours, went in his room and he was fast asleep on his front.

Some babies just hate being on their backs.

Original poster

YuleTideD0G · 27/12/2010 20:24

Yes, I think he would happily sleep on his tum if I let him. For me though it's not worth the risk there are two incidences of SIDS in my family.

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McGill · 27/12/2010 20:24

What a bugger-the situation I mean, not your wee fella. For what it's worth my 3rd baby is now 17 wks-they have all been v different. My son, baby 1, was a screamer but thankfully fell into a routine kinda quick but never slept thru till he was1, baby 2 was as calm as could be, would fall asleep anywhere& actually HATES being held/ rocked and now no. 3 seems to be somewhere in the middle-content but sleep wise wakes after 5 mins if put down anywhere but our bed within licking distant of my (magnificent) boobs. Can't get her out of bed and have just accepted I shall co sleep until something naturally changes as it's the only way to maximise my sleep with minimal stress...I know u don't sound too keen on co sleeping but mayb a few more wks and he'll be a bit bigger, starting solids and mayb naturally become more willing to be left-this is what I tell myself anyway! And my husband who is getting a bit peed off with having 3 in the bed... X

northernrock · 27/12/2010 20:44

So sorry to hear that Yuletide. I agree-not worth the risk.

igetmorelovefromthecat · 27/12/2010 20:56

My DD2 is the same as your DS, and she is 22 weeks now. She is gradually getting better, though I still co-sleep with her (out of choice). I can now put her down early in the evening and she will sleep until I go to bed (she might wake up for a little snack once or twice in that time but goes straight back to sleep). I can now put her down for short periods without her going into orbit. But this has all happened in the last month or so. You just have to stick with it. Babies are all different and this one obviously feels the need to be with you all the time. You can't change that until the baby is good and ready to get a bit more independent. It is a bore because of course you want the use of your hands sometimes, especially when you have other DC, but you will just have to bide your time. It feels like forever but in reality the situation will get better over the next few weeks. You might not be able to change the way your DS behaves but you can change the way you think about it, try reading 'Three in a Bed' by Deborah Jackson. It's a bit evangelical but what she says does make sense, and it will boost your reserves of patience and understanding (well it did for me anyway). Good luck!

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