to give up bothering in future?

[rpickett]

I'm so annoyed and upset, for my DC's more than anything, and it may seem trivial but my mother has really got to me today.
It's my youngests first xmas and only my 2nd in ten years that I have been speaking to my mother, I have had no phonecall, visit (she lives a 5 min walk away) or anything to wish the DC's merry christmas.
She is working tomorrow and everyday over the next week or two that I'm aware of, and I know she had plans to go to xmas lunch at the pub etc so she is busy but I don't understand that if she cared that much about my kids she would have phoned.

I purposely didn't phone her because I have made every single effort in the last 2 years to see her, ask how she is etc and she never bothers to phone, she does visit on her terms with no warning and spends an hour being extremly negative about me (background she asked me to move 100 miles back to home town as she didn't want to miss out on her GC's 8 years after kicking me out at 14) and I wanted to see if she would bother, but no, nothing.
I know she is home from the pub as I walk the dog by her house and saw the lights on.

AIBU to just say that I have had enough of being picked up and dropped when she feels like it and to stop contacting her in future?

Sorry for the long winded post just feel like I moved my family and I an awful long way under false pretences.

Yanbu to be fed up with her... but i dont see why you didnt phone her, just to see if she would phone you? Seems a bit petty. And why did you move your family for her?
Sorry you didn't have a good day.

It's not trivial at all. What kind of mother is she? She sounds similar to mine - no interest in either me or my dd unless it's to be nasty.

I don't bother with mine for various reasons, and I feel that you would be better off without her. I know a lot of people don't 'get' this and so oh but she's your mum and all that, but I understand exactly where you're coming from.

Just concentrate on making yourself and your little family happy, sod her if she can't be arsed.

YANBU!

I have a very difficult relationship with my mum, as has my older sister. we both spent years and years chasing after her, phoning her because she would never phoned us etc.

Last year i decided not to bother. Part of me was interested to see how long she would leave it to call me and another part of me wanted her to care.

Well, after nearly 2 weeks, she called to ask why i hadnt called her. I told her i had been busy, and that she knows my number and can phone me anytime she likes.

Now i make an effort to call her every 2 weeks, but thats it. I will never put more effort into a relationship with her, until (or unless) she does it first.

Sorry for the long winded version, but the message i am trying to put across is- dont hanker after something that wont happen. IF she wants the relationship with you, she will put in the effort.

funmother I second your thoughts entirely I have every sympathy with rpickett make a day with the people who really care about you and forget the ones that don't x

Don't get me wrong I had a lovely day, but it just put a dampner on it a little, I wanted to phone her but as I didn't know what time she'd be up or going out etc, I thought it would make sense for her to call me and also to see if she would bother about her GC's.

I moved up here after she asked, because we have always had a weird relationship but none since I was 14 and after having children myself I wanted my mum to be there for me like she promised she would, my mum had convinced me it would be better up here as I would have her support and help when needed and that she had changed.
I did it so my children could get to know their GP.

I wouldn't bother with her if you have been open to her involvement and she hasn't been interested. My IL's show no interest at all/are very judgemental when they do see us but we have moved on and just laugh about things now. Thankfully we live 4 hours away.