AUBU to expect 16yr old DS not to be moody because he didn't get an ipod for Christmas?

[bellaella16]

Help. I'm a single parent with DS on our own here at Christmas. Had planned to go to my Mum's for Christmas lunch tbh I couldn't face 4 hour drive there with dodgy car, and moody teen to cook lunch, give presents then another 4 hrs return. We do it every year and its only our 2nd Christmas at home. She is very elderly, totally alone today so I already feel guilty. Staying overnight is not an option for us and she didn't want to travel. As more background I always stuggle not to feel down over christmas and have so far succeeded in to passing the christmas blues on to my son by making it good for him.

DS asked for an ipod amongst other things. I lost my job last year so £229 would have meant severely cutting back. He is not normally grasping but he has just told me moodily the ipod was the only thing he wanted. I feel like I've let everyone down. Its difficult to keep going. AIBU to expect him to stop the moods a little today, maybe even come out of his room for a while for more than presents and dinner. Sorry this is so long, and yes I am feeling sorry for myself but I just had to tell someone...

Look, bella, don't beat yourself up.

In the future, start to think about how you can get it through to him to help him, help him and you get things like this.

He's not unreasonable, it's hard for 16-year-olds to control their moods.

But I think what Goblinchild said is very pertinent.

I feel for you, bella.

I was a single parent for 12 yrs, when my son came home (aged 13) and said he wanted a mobile phone I explained that i couldn't afford it. He went to the local newsagents and asked about paper rounds until he found a shop to take him on (that was 13 yrs ago). He saved up and bought his mobile and I never once put credit on it for him, he topped up with his wages. He is now almost a workaholic and a man who makes me very proud. I felt guilty that he didn't have that mobile phone bought by me when he asked BUT at 16 I think your son should be able to raise half the money by July or even all of it if he got a paper round and it teaches him the value of money. That aside Bella I do hope you had a good day x

Paper round is a good idea: my son did this too. Although I had to pay for a few puncture repairs. Newsagents often want someone in the summer or on a Sunday because their usual
goes on holiday.
Hope you had a nice day after all that

Crumbs! At 16yo, my DD was born. That Christmas (I was 17yo by the Christmas) I was FAR more interested in buying toys for my DD than in getting anything (at all) for myself.

While yes, I know not one of my local supermarkets will employ anyone under the age of 18yo, there are plenty of ways for an enterprising teenager to earn money for luxuries (which an I-pod is) such as doing odd jobs, car washing for neighbours, etc.

And why £229 for an I-pod? Surely a Nano would suffice, and is about half the price? By 16yo, he must understand that if the money isn't there, you can't buy it? My 8yo DS1 understood that the computer games he asked for (3 brand new DS games that were over £30 each ) added up to more money than I had available to spend on him, so he chose the one of them that he wanted 'most', and he asked for computer game vouchers from all the rest of the family, to go towards buying the other two. He has also saved up all the money he has got from doing his chores, and next week when he is back from Ex-H's, I will take him to town to buy the other two games.

I'm glad your DS has stopped sulking, but realistically, by 7/8yo, a child should understand that if you don't have the money for something, then no means no, and if they want it, they had better get creative. DS1 also had some money from doing a table-top sale where he sold some of his old toys that he no longer played with, and that money will go towards the two ds games that he wants. Your DS needs to be more entrepreneurial!

DS(17) made a good deal of money this year shovelling snow; a little here a and a little there soon added up. Bit late for that now, but there are many ways a teenager with a bit of initiative can make money.