to be upset that mother sent 2 seperate cards to DP and self

[lamettarules]

so that instead of having to sign " love " as she did on mine ,his could bear the missive " Kind Regards " ?
There's no history between them ,he's a perfectly normal ,hardworking respectable partner .
She's entitled to her view I know ,but it's a bit petty and pointed ,isn't it ?
Or just me being petty ?

not petty, it's mean and rude. End of. Is he bothered by it? Is she trying to tell you she doesnt approve of your partnership?

She's being petty, you should ignore it. Don't give it a thought, otherwise you are feeding her spiteful pedantry.

Thanks guys ,yes ,must ignore .
It's hard because I spend quite a lot of time with her ( visit every day ) as she's old and on her own and I have to expend huge amounts of energy ignoring things she says /does that are mean /patronising /selfish beyond the norm of an old person living on their own.
I need a reality check sometimes .
It's not that she dissaproves of relationship - she just resents " sharing " any of her children with their partners .

Oh, so she's jealous? That's an easy explanation.
Has she always been like this?
I've found over the years that age doesn't improve some people, it just concentrates and intensifies the qualities they already had.

Is this really the biggest problem you've got? In which case please can we swap lives.

It bothers the OP, wouldn't bother me. So she's probably a nicer and more sensitive person than both of us Axis.
Although others could have guessed that from our names I suppose.

Horrible.

As far as I know MIL isn´t that keen on me-but she sends a Christmas card to "Son & dil" I always remembers my birthday-if nothing else for his sake.

Axis - no not the biggest problem I've got .Not even up there on the scale of problems .
It was just that I was finding it an additional irritant and wondered if I'd lost my sense of perspective ,wondered what others thought of it .
Agree regarding old age concentrating attitudes ( not surprising as their world shrinks so much and so little to distract ,dilute their personality ).
Anyway ,on with life .

Isn't it just that she was trying to be nice by sending individual cards, making you both feel special? I know many older people that do this.

Mmm ,I don't think so ,but it's a possibilty I guess .
Just seems a little odd to say love to me and Kind Regards to him .
I'll try and take it that way - DP rather silent about it ,but he's used to my mother's ways .

why on earth? What rude person does that? maybe she doesn't think the relationship is serious.
Very Rude!

Is it really rude? I wouldn't think so but I guess it depends on how long you and your partner have been together and your relationship with your mother. You're her daughter - she loves you, and she respects your partner. It wouldn't upset me if my mother did that.

I think it's a bit pointy and rude., Why do this when a card to you both wd suffice?

And Kind Regards is what you put to colleagues surely.

I know this is a bit optimistic, but maybe she just felt a bit awkward writing "lots of love" to your DP. Some people do find partner relationships hard to pigeonhole.

Anyway, if you're happy with your DP, then don't give it a second thought.

On a slightly different note - Goblinchild, you said, " I've found over the years that age doesn't improve some people, it just concentrates and intensifies the qualities they already had. " I've spent some time working with elderly people and I completely agree with that. It's an interesting thought and makes me wonder what kind of old lady I will become...

I feel a tiny bit awkward at receiving a joint card to me and DP (of 8 years) from his parents! They sign it "Mum and Dad", which isn't what I call them, so it never feels quite like it is meant for me. And DP and I still send separate cards to each other's parents - I think it's something to do with wanting good independent relationships with each set, not just through each other, if you see what I mean.

Perhaps that is how your mother feels too - she wants to build a good relationship with your DP as an individual. Though maybe she could have found something in between "kind regards" and "love" for it...

It is a bit odd to go to the effort of writing and sending a separate card? If you have children, will she send them separate individual cards? I wonder if she does the same for other couples/families?

It's hard to say if it's meant in a mean way without knowing her and her attitude to you and your DP. My mum is 'funny' about us and won't treat us as a proper couple because we're not married (though have been together nearly 10 years!) i.e. inviting me for Christmas but not him .