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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset that mother sent 2 seperate cards to DP and self

18 replies

lamettarules · 25/12/2010 11:25

so that instead of having to sign " love " as she did on mine ,his could bear the missive " Kind Regards " ?
There's no history between them ,he's a perfectly normal ,hardworking respectable partner .
She's entitled to her view I know ,but it's a bit petty and pointed ,isn't it ?
Or just me being petty ?

OP posts:

lololizzy · 25/12/2010 11:46

not petty, it's mean and rude. End of. Is he bothered by it? Is she trying to tell you she doesnt approve of your partnership?

Goblinchild · 25/12/2010 11:47

She's being petty, you should ignore it. Don't give it a thought, otherwise you are feeding her spiteful pedantry.

Original poster

lamettarules · 25/12/2010 11:54

Thanks guys ,yes ,must ignore .
It's hard because I spend quite a lot of time with her ( visit every day ) as she's old and on her own and I have to expend huge amounts of energy ignoring things she says /does that are mean /patronising /selfish beyond the norm of an old person living on their own.
I need a reality check sometimes .
It's not that she dissaproves of relationship - she just resents " sharing " any of her children with their partners .

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 25/12/2010 11:59

Oh, so she's jealous? That's an easy explanation.
Has she always been like this?
I've found over the years that age doesn't improve some people, it just concentrates and intensifies the qualities they already had.

AxisofEvil · 25/12/2010 12:00

Is this really the biggest problem you've got? In which case please can we swap lives.

Goblinchild · 25/12/2010 12:03

It bothers the OP, wouldn't bother me. So she's probably a nicer and more sensitive person than both of us Axis.
Although others could have guessed that from our names I suppose.

twopeople · 25/12/2010 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

diddl · 25/12/2010 12:19

Horrible.

As far as I know MIL isn´t that keen on me-but she sends a Christmas card to "Son & dil" I always remembers my birthday-if nothing else for his sake.

Original poster

lamettarules · 25/12/2010 12:42

Axis - no not the biggest problem I've got .Not even up there on the scale of problems .
It was just that I was finding it an additional irritant and wondered if I'd lost my sense of perspective ,wondered what others thought of it .
Agree regarding old age concentrating attitudes ( not surprising as their world shrinks so much and so little to distract ,dilute their personality ).
Anyway ,on with life .

OP posts:

GandalfyCarawak · 25/12/2010 12:45

Isn't it just that she was trying to be nice by sending individual cards, making you both feel special? I know many older people that do this.

Original poster

lamettarules · 25/12/2010 12:50

Mmm ,I don't think so ,but it's a possibilty I guess .
Just seems a little odd to say love to me and Kind Regards to him .
I'll try and take it that way - DP rather silent about it ,but he's used to my mother's ways .

OP posts:

veryberry21 · 25/12/2010 13:02

why on earth? What rude person does that? maybe she doesn't think the relationship is serious.
Very Rude!

RedHeels · 26/12/2010 01:08

Is it really rude? I wouldn't think so but I guess it depends on how long you and your partner have been together and your relationship with your mother. You're her daughter - she loves you, and she respects your partner. It wouldn't upset me if my mother did that.

Blackeyeddog · 26/12/2010 01:14

I think it's a bit pointy and rude., Why do this when a card to you both wd suffice?

Blackeyeddog · 26/12/2010 01:16

And Kind Regards is what you put to colleagues surely.

greenbananas · 26/12/2010 01:21

I know this is a bit optimistic, but maybe she just felt a bit awkward writing "lots of love" to your DP. Some people do find partner relationships hard to pigeonhole.

Anyway, if you're happy with your DP, then don't give it a second thought.

On a slightly different note - Goblinchild, you said, " I've found over the years that age doesn't improve some people, it just concentrates and intensifies the qualities they already had. " I've spent some time working with elderly people and I completely agree with that. It's an interesting thought and makes me wonder what kind of old lady I will become...

PatientGriselda · 26/12/2010 06:52

I feel a tiny bit awkward at receiving a joint card to me and DP (of 8 years) from his parents! They sign it "Mum and Dad", which isn't what I call them, so it never feels quite like it is meant for me. And DP and I still send separate cards to each other's parents - I think it's something to do with wanting good independent relationships with each set, not just through each other, if you see what I mean.

Perhaps that is how your mother feels too - she wants to build a good relationship with your DP as an individual. Though maybe she could have found something in between "kind regards" and "love" for it...

Ephiny · 26/12/2010 12:15

It is a bit odd to go to the effort of writing and sending a separate card? If you have children, will she send them separate individual cards? I wonder if she does the same for other couples/families?

It's hard to say if it's meant in a mean way without knowing her and her attitude to you and your DP. My mum is 'funny' about us and won't treat us as a proper couple because we're not married (though have been together nearly 10 years!) i.e. inviting me for Christmas but not him .

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