to think DS's bio father's sudden discovery of xmas is just an attempt to throw his weight around

[whitby]

DS's bio father has never observed xmas, nor do his parents. He was raised hardline atheist and they didn't even acknowledge it in a secular way once he (only child), was out of childhood.

DS is 10. Every year I have invited his father to come over to ours for xmas (he lives 5 mins away). Every year he has refused. So every year DS has had xmas with me, DH, DD and DS2 (4 and 3), and our extended families.

Then his bio father would have him from boxing day and take him to see his parents for a few days (they live four hours away).

This year his bio father has decided he wants DS for xmas, and that "in our situation" people alternate xmasses. So he is proposing that next year he will take DS on xmas eve and take him to visit his parents for xmas eve, xmas day and boxing day. So DS will miss out on xmas and seeing his relatives and everything we've done every year since he was born, and be stuck inside with his elderly DGPs, no tree, no santa, no presents and no siblings.

AIBU to think that's just really crappy? I have offered for DS's bio father to have him for longer, to have him before xmas, all sorts - including driving the 4 hours each way to get DS and bring him back so he can spend a bit of xmas with us.

DH has to go back to work on the 27th every year, which DS's biodad knows, so things get back to normal with a bump around then anyway.

Gahhhh :(

If you're not happy with that arrangement then say no to it. I don't believe that the resident parent is obliged to cave to every demand made by the non-resident parent, at least, I never have. I'm not suggesting you be arsey and just say no to whatever he asks, but judge every demand request on its merits or lack there of.

Also, alternating weekends is only one possible arrangement. My ex and I have never done that, instead he picks the DCs up at around 4 on Christmas Day and has them till the 29th.

ohyaychristmas, being a dad is a role, not just a right and/or responsibility of the biological sire. Who does the 'male' parenting when Bio isn't there? So.. it is possible to have more than one 'dad' in that sense, IMO. We traditionally refer to the co-parent without the biological input a step-something, but TBH in this day and age I'm beginning to see the 'step' thing as a bit of a slight. My DD has a bio that has never bothered (despite long, stable relationship beforehand and the full opportunities.) And her 'step' dad has done the lot, gladly and proudly. She calls him Daddy by choice, and I'm glad she has bestowed the title on him. (Sorry OP, a bit off-topic, but I think it's worth pitching in the thought.)