Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not buy DB and DSIL a Xmas present when I've bought one for my other siblings?

14 replies

Carikube · 24/12/2010 11:15

Bit of background :
DB1 has always been useless about keeping in touch, never has any money and we only really see them at family dos (they live about 4 hours drive from us so not really do-able as a day-trip). I've always bought them a Christmas present, sent them flowers on their 20th wedding anniversary etc and generally tried to maintain contact but I'm now fed up.

DD2 was born earlier this year and I haven't even had an email acknowledgement from DB to say congratulations or some such like. I can cope with the fact that DH and I never get birthday cards etc but it breaks by heart that DD1 and DD2 are completely ignored (they have met DD1 once) whilst I have to read status updates on FB from DSIL about the presents they've bought for the nieces and nephews on her side of the family.

I have now hit the stage of cba in terms of trying to keep in touch. I have never expected them to give the DDs presents or anything but just a quick email asking how they are or something would mean the world to me. I have decided not to get them a present this year (I have sent things to their 2 kids so I'm not ignoring them) but am having a crisis of self-doubt over whether I'm being reasonable...

OP posts:
FoxyRevenger · 24/12/2010 11:24

Oh I wouldn't. Ignoring you is one thing but ignoring your children...that, I couldn't let go.

CrazyChristmasLady · 24/12/2010 11:42

YANBU.

They obviously aren't thinking of you and your children at all. Don't waste your time.

I have got to this point with some family now. If they are upset about it, tough, I'm done caring.

sparkle1977 · 24/12/2010 11:46

Sounds like you are being totally reasonable to me, I would do exactly the same.

Coralanne · 24/12/2010 11:46

Keeping in touch is a two way street. You have done your bit so now it's time for you to sit back and let them make the next move.

Having said that, in most families it is the female who usually keeps in touch and organizes presents etc.

It is really up to your DB to make the effort to keep in touch not your DSIL although she does sound pretty ignorant.

Just do what you are doing. Sending their DCs presents but forget about them. They might gradually ecome aware of how inconsiderate they really are.

SeaTrek · 24/12/2010 13:25

YANBU

I would go a step further and not send their DCs a present either. They just don't seem to want to do the present swap (they never send your DCs any, right?), and there really is nothing wrong in that. Just send a card. Not even sending the odd email or making a phonecall when you have made such an effort over the years is really sad though.

I am at that point with my SIL (DH's sister now) and her children. I've had enough. She expects the presents for her DCs, rarely acknowedges them though and then gets MIL to buy my DC presents (and write the card!) on her behalf. Umm...let's not bother. If she cannot be bothered to make the effort with things that really count then I am not going throught the present swapping farce.

Merlotmonster · 24/12/2010 14:43

yanbu...you have made ALL the effort so far...you are only feeling guilty now because you clearly are a decent person...they dont deserve your thoughtfulness... ...if they do notice,then tough..

Enjoy xmas and try not to worry about itXmas Smile

snowmummy · 24/12/2010 16:15

YANBU. There's only so much you can do to maintain contact. I've not sent one of my siblings so much as a card this year. She has forgotten both of my kids birthdays this year and has not congratulated me on my pg. This sort of behaviour has gone on, on and off for years and I can't be bothered anymore. Enough is enough. I've sent stuff for my nephew though.

Seona1973 · 24/12/2010 17:11

we dont do presents for the adult siblings that have partners/are married, but we do give to the kids.

IAmReallyFabNow · 24/12/2010 17:14

YANBU.

I have already decided if a certain family member has another baby I will not be sending a gift. We have never had a thank you for the several gifts we have sent, never had a birthday card for us or the children and when we saw them at a recent get together they didn't even say hello. We don't like each other but manners don't cost anything.

purplepidjbauble · 24/12/2010 17:23

2 beautifully wrapped lumps of coal for the adults and colouring books for the kids???

Yulephemia · 24/12/2010 17:35

YANBU - similar situation here, but I don't let it bother me because I'm not close to DB and never will be.
SIL has had her nephews to stay in the school holidays, goes up to visit, etc. and I have not set foot in their house since I was pregnant (DD is now 8).
But I understand that it's down to DB to make the effort, not SIL, and as we're not close it doesn't get me down.

mollymax · 24/12/2010 17:41

Sounds just like me too, I have two brothers, one is wonderful and deserves the title " uncle " the other I rarely see and he never acknowledges my 3 children.
I do send birthday cards to his 4 children and Christmas presents via my mum.
Last year mum saw them in march to swap presents , three months after the event.
He is the favourite tho, and always will be!!

FuturePM · 24/12/2010 17:52

YANBU, Just buy for the kiddies, at least your fight is not with them. I don't buy for my sister or BIL as they are usually arseholes. I buy for their kids though.

SkyBluePearl · 24/12/2010 19:47

you are doing the right thing.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread