Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not believe my happy ending

21 replies

Namethechange · 23/12/2010 00:37

Tonight s the eve of
my house move my husband and I have bought our very first home got married and had a baby within a year we are due to move into our home which we are very lucky to get it is in a nice area and is nicely decorated considering our very small budget. My problem is I had such an unhappy traumatic childhood Iwhich included going through three divorces between my parents their own and one each with other partners in the space of ten years, abuse from a close family
member and my ex stepfather I then entered a couple of absusive relationships, a year after ending the last one I vowed never to put up with that shit again met my dh fell in love with a man who treats me
like a princess we got married had baby and are now moving into our first house , I just can't get it out of my head that my happiness is not going to last
because I'm not used to feeling this happy or having what is normal to most people , I know I must sound ungrateful but I'm not I know I'm blessed I just feel like it's all going to disappear it scares me to death

OP posts:
BeribbonedGibbon · 23/12/2010 00:49

You are feeling exactly how someone that has been through the traumas you have will feel. Totally understandable that you are not feeling worthy, your abuser would have caused these feeling Sad

It's hard I know, but try to look past your past. It's gone, you were not responsible. You had no control or say.

Now you have Smile this is your time to take control back and be happy.

FabbyChic · 23/12/2010 00:51

Hey make the most of the happy times, dont wish bad times on yourself.

Well done for getting what we all crave true happiness.

Good luck with the move and have a happy christmas. x

Beavermum · 23/12/2010 01:03

Happy hppy christmas enjoy

ChippingIn · 23/12/2010 01:10

With your history the way you are feeling is very normal. However, you need to work really hard at getting a new mind set otherwise you risk bringing the things you worry about on yourself.

You are very lucky to have met your DH and now that you have, you two have made great things happen. You have a wonderful marriage, a lovely baby and now a great house - put your past in the past, this isn't good fortune waiting to turn bad - this is your wonderful, happy, brilliant life that you are entitled to x

JJ17 · 23/12/2010 01:14

Concentrate on feeling "blessed" every day and believe that you are worth it. You obviously are as some good things (marvellous things) are happening for you. This is good karma, believe that you deserve it, if you start to fuck it up by being weird and annoying then get some counselling.

GeraldineAubergine · 23/12/2010 01:52

Your story has cheered me up no end.

abenstille · 23/12/2010 08:40

A massive well done for carving out a new future for yourself. Now keep putting in the energy to maintain your happiness x

Ormirian · 23/12/2010 08:43

Congrulations and Happy Christmas OP! Smile

TheBlessedVirginReality · 23/12/2010 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OTheHugeManatee · 23/12/2010 13:09

Well done you for seeking and finding happiness.

I relate to what you're saying: my parents stuck it out for years in a miserable loveless marriage, and that experience left me very wary of trusting that something better could happen to me.

I found talking it all over with a good therapist really helped. I've cried my eyes out, remembering what it felt like being little, and somehow that's made it easier to believe that we're not all condemned to repeat our parents' mistakes.

I wish you all the best. Happy Christmas Xmas Smile

JustinCaseyHowls · 23/12/2010 13:13

So this Christmas you and your husband and your baby can start your own little family Christmas traditions. Your own family. Traditions. Happy Christmas. Your post was lovely. Xmas Grin

sarahitaly · 23/12/2010 13:51

I understand this only too well.

The way I look at it is this, no life gets to be rain free from a set point onwards, and the first signs of of a raincloud or even a sudden shower are not signs that the unexpected sunny period is over and it's back to thunder from here on.

I can either turn my face up to the sun and enjoy the warmth in between hiccups, or I can fail to enjoy it by looking forward to the next batch of drizzle that I'm sure i can see lurking in the horizon called my overactive imagination..

I had a hard time with that at first, cos part of me was convinced that if I enjoyed it that would be a sign for "the Gods i don't believe in" to turn on the tap as punishment for thinking i was allowed to have and actually enjoy good times.

But got there in the end.

And big fat hug, you have had way more than your fair share of rain already and probably like me regard it as "normal", so its not surprising you find all this sunshine scarily unusual and rather unnerving. But you'll cope better than most with any future problems because you've had practise, basking a little now won't eliminate your "shit storm" skills, cos it is like riding a bike. So it is OK and safe to enjoy what you have.

May all your future rainclouds be little ones. And remember you have had the years needed to build an "coping" umbrella, closing it up and putting by the door when you don't need it won't make it disappear or break.

sarahitaly · 23/12/2010 13:53

oh and don't give yourself a hard time if you can't rapidly change gear into sunbathing. Like most "living" habits, it takes time to get over old automatic responses and aquire new ones.

BikeRunSki · 23/12/2010 13:55

May it be the first of many happy Christmases and new years for you.

Namethechange · 23/12/2010 20:09

Thank you all so much for your lovely
messages they have made
me cry but in a nice way , it's nice when other people understand how you are feeling and I am going to get some therapy to help
me with my issues so I can appreciate fully the many blessings I have without waiting for something bad to happen, again I want to say thankyou to everyone who has replied and shared their experiances I wish you all the best for Xmas and the coming new year .

OP posts:
sleepingsowell · 23/12/2010 20:37

Perhaps it will help you to accept your good situation a bit more if you think about it being YOU who has got here, it's not a random collection of good luck that can be whipped away from under you.

You have got a good man because you are INTELLIGENT enough to have recognised the pattern you were in, and got out of it. Some people don't ever manage to stop the pattern and simply end up repeating it.

You were also BALLSY enough to make plans and make them come to fruition. Again, not luck, wouldn't have happened unless you made it happen.

These things are nice, they're great to have but they're not necessarily to be thought of as 'blessings'.....they are the consequences to your actions in planning your life and being a good person :-)

Namethechange · 29/12/2010 21:31

sarahitaly what you say is exactly how i have felt , if i am having a good time or really looking forward to something something i will prepare myself for something to go wrong, which means i never fully enjoy things
sleepingsowell i never thought about things like that i have read your message a few times because it gives me such a boost .

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 29/12/2010 21:37

namethechange just wanted to wish you luck and say I know where you are coming from. I am 7 weeks away from having my 3rd child something that seemed an impossibility for a number of reasons eight years ago. I get scared that everything will get taken away from me because of a few silly mistakes I made a very long time ago!! Like I'm being punished Blush It took me a long time to realise that I am really really good at being a mum and that is what makes me happy apart from Mr Wiggles, an old dog and a slight Brandon Flowers crush Wink

cupcakebakerer · 29/12/2010 21:43

Congratulations! What a lovely year it's been for you. I feel the same sometimes and haven't had all of those horrible things happen to me- you just feel so blessed you are waiting for something to go wrong! Just try and enjoy and take each day as it comes :) you deserve it.

verytellytubby · 29/12/2010 21:46

Congratulations! You deserve it.

Mists · 29/12/2010 21:51

Have a lovely New Year OP! Xmas Smile

New posts on this thread. Refresh page