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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that no-one has been to visit me and my new baby?

26 replies

lainey1981 · 22/12/2010 10:21

feeling a bit sorry for myself today.
Had my first baby 3 weeks ago, and have only had 3 visits (PIL, my sisters, and a friend). everyone else has cancelled due to bad weather, cancelled flights, illness etc.

i know these are all genuine reasons, but can't help feeling a bit sad and forgotten about.

AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
violethill · 22/12/2010 10:26

So your pil, sisters and friend are 'no one'??

As for the others, well, would you want ill people visiting your newborn? And for people who cant actually reach you because of cancelled flights etc... What do you expect them to do?

I'm actually quite impressed that you had visitors lined up who were making the effort to fly to visit you!

OneFishTwoFish · 22/12/2010 10:27

Oh poor you. YANBU at all but I'm sure people would love to see your beautiful baby but circumstance got in the way.

Did you have a boy or a girl? I had my first, a little girl, on 5th August and remember how tiny and squashy she was those first weeks. Wish I could come round for a snuggle with your little one!

bumpsoon · 22/12/2010 10:27

You are not unreasonable to feel sad about it ,it is natural . But you wouldnt want anyone to risk their lives just to see your adorbale bundle would you ? Why not plan a party in the new year ,when the weather is a bit better and invite everyone round then .

JodiesMummy · 22/12/2010 10:28

Agree Violethill - why would you want cold, wet, ill people cluttering up your house and swarming over your baby? I assume they have all sent cards or called to explain their non-visit? As you say the excuses are genuine?

PrivetDancer · 22/12/2010 10:28

Yab a bit u I think!
It actually sounds like you have had quite a few visitors! And as you say the others have had genuine reasons for cancelling..
Visitors are a pain anyway, if you'd had many more you'd probably be fed up of them :)

fustyarse · 22/12/2010 10:29

Congratulations!

YANBU - even though it's the weather's fault

I'm sure as soon as they can everyone will be round to see you and your new baby - they'll all be as gutted as you are, no doubt

FWIW I felt the same 2 days ago on dc3's 2nd birthday - no-one could make it for his birthday tea and that made me feel mighty pissed off too

Just enjoy your quiet time with your baby, sleep as much as you can, these are precious days that pass by in a flash - honestly, you'll look back and wonder where the time went

And maybe invite everyone round for a get-together as soon as the weather's cleared

Merry Christmas Xmas Smile

LadyintheRadiator · 22/12/2010 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thell · 22/12/2010 10:33

YANBU to feel emotional, tired, hormonal and lonely...I remember the first few weeks of DD's life felt like the longest I ever experienced.

But you already know it's not personal...you just need a hug!
Is there someone localish who can come round to keep you company?
Can you venture out yet?
At the very least, get some chats in on the phone, perhaps whilst feeding and trapped on the sofa, or if baby is asleep in your arms then you have a good excuse to sit still for a bit.

Hope you feel better soon.

theevildead2 · 22/12/2010 10:34

Well YABU, but only because you are excited! :) You don't want ill people visiting and you don't want friends hurting themselves. They will all make the effort soon enough. Enjoy the alone time with your baby while its still so little.

thell · 22/12/2010 10:35

I obviously type too slowly! Xmas Grin

Original poster
lainey1981 · 22/12/2010 10:35

you are probably right, still gets a bit lonely being stuck in the house with a newborn when you are not sure what you are doing ...

visitors weren't flying specifically to see me (not that special!!)

I know people can't help being ill etc.

onefish he's a little boy - getting bigger by the day, and just thought my friends that live locally (london) would have been in touch for a visit. maybe they are just giving me some space.

I'll get over it- think am just a bit sad as took my sisters 2 weeks to make the very short journey as they 'had no money for the train - which is a fiver!), but am sure managed to keep themselves in cigarettes and wine.

privet you are probably right - lots of people would probably do my head in. I should enjoy this special time.

OP posts:
norfolkBRONZEturkey · 22/12/2010 10:39

Very unmn hugs
I remember how shit it made me feel that noone was interested.
Savour this time on your own, you can dump him on other people more later on

MorticiaAddams · 22/12/2010 10:40

YANBU to feel sad that people can't visit you but YABU if you expect them to at the moment.

The weather is atrocious and I'm sure you don't really want to put people at risk and the illnesses at the moment aren't just a bit of a cold but pretty awful D&V bugs which you really don't want near your perfect new baby.

Look on the bright side - at least you don't have to share your baby cuddles. I used to want to snatch the baby back from everyone.

ladydeedy · 22/12/2010 10:54

also bear in mind that some people feel unsure about whether they should be visiting you so soon anyway. You might be tired, sleeping, emotional, etc. I know I felt like this when my friends had babies and I would rather be invited when it's convenient, rather than turn up and the timing not be right... so maybe you need to be more explicit about the fact that you would like and welcome visitors!
I remember my SIL saying to me she was upset that my parents hadnt visited her as soon as she was back home with my nephew. what she didnt understand was that they were waiting for her to let them know she's love them to visit. it's one of those awkward situations sometimes! congratulations by the way!!

Bue · 22/12/2010 11:43

I agree with ladydeedy, this is such a tricky issue! On the one hand some people get upset because no one visits, and on the other hand some people insist that visitors in the first few weeks are a pain in the arse and they don't want them there. Could you invite your more local friends around? It's possible they are waiting for an invitation.

Sorry your sisters were a bit crap about getting there :(

HelenaRose · 22/12/2010 13:15

I second everyone who said to ask for visitors. I waited until I was invited to go and visit my niece, despite being desperate to see her and have a cuddle!

abenstille · 22/12/2010 13:51

Congratulations - i bet he's lovely! Ring your local friends and make sure they know youre up for visitors, failing that if the weather is ok, pop to your local shops and let the strangers make a fuss! I loved all the old ladies (and suprisingly the old men) who made a fuss of mine in shops and supermarkets. One old man crouched down to my new babe in her pram and whispered all his life long advice to her (summed up in a few sentences) it was so lovely it made me cry!! Xmas Blush

FindingAManger · 22/12/2010 14:37

Congratulations on your beautiful new baby!! Your post made me smile because I've read so so many threads on here where new/expectant Mum's are jumping though hoops to figure out ways how to ban visitors who would dare to want to come & see Mum & new baby in the days/weeks/months after the birth.

It's the weather or it's illness - it's not personal. Be thankful the sick aren't bringing their germs around. Perhaps you could get on the phone & make contact with the people who can't come - you may be are feeling a little isolated so reach out.

BertieBottlesOfMulledWine · 22/12/2010 15:03

Yes, can you text your london friends, saying "Feeling a bit stir crazy with all this snow, you free any time today/tomorrow?"

radiohelen · 22/12/2010 15:16

I suspect what you actually want is some love and attention yourself. This is perfectly fine and YANBU. You should get lots of fuss when you have a new baby. People should visit (respectfully and for limited time periods), bring gifts and generally coo over the new offspring. It is not unreasonable to feel miffed if this does not happen.
Because it hasn't happened though it does not mean you are not being a good mum or that no-one loves you. It means the weather has been crappy and people do not feel safe to travel.
I agree with Bertiebottles - get out with other mums, sit, drink tea and eat cake. Cake and tea can make life look soooo much better.

Onetoomanycornettos · 22/12/2010 15:18

I agree that you should invite people if you fancy a visit. As others have said, if you believe MN, then most mums want family time and not many visitors immediately after the birth, I would certainly think twice about rushing round now, so if you are up for visitors, then let them know. You can't moan if they can't travel though!

MrsBananaGrabber · 22/12/2010 15:54

YANBU, My DD1 is 12 days old and i'm thousands of miles away from home, my mum is here but I have never missed home (or the NHS aftercare given to new mums) more. I was kicked out of hospital after 2 days ( C section due to placenta previa) and just left to it, she is my 3rd DC so I know what to do but still....I wanna come home.

MrsBananaGrabber · 22/12/2010 15:59

YANBU, MY dd1 is 12 days old and i'm on the other side of the world, I am missing home like mad, not had many visitors at all, I was kicked out of hospital after 2 days (C Section due to Placenta Previa) and have just been left to it, no midwives, no health visitor, it's a good job she's my 3rd and i'm pretty confident....the NHS isn't that bad after all, but that's a whole other thread. Congratulations and enjoy your baby, these days are so precious.

MrsBananaGrabber · 22/12/2010 16:01

bloody computer Confused

Original poster
lainey1981 · 23/12/2010 21:18

thanks for all your replies Smile

OP posts: