to think that SIL could at least bother to see her nephew more than once a year?

[CrazyChristmasLady]

Ok, I probably am. I don't even know why i care or am surprised.

Last year, DS got his birthday card and a voucher 3 months after his birthday, when she passed it to MIL to give to us, even though we live closer to her than MIL does, but she couldn't be bothered to come and put it through our door and said she wouldn't put a voucher in the post. She was invited to DS's party but didn't bother to let us know. MIL told us she had had a text to say SIL was busy (her excuse for everything, she doesn't have children or much of a social life so no idea how she is busy all the time).

Only time SIL sees DS is at xmas at mutual family and even then she takes no notice of him. I don't think she even said hello to him last year.

DH went to MILs last night to pick up DS's present. SILs xmas card was in the bag, as was DS's birthday card (birthday at end of January). I know I should be grateful that she has at least got a card and voucher for him, but this means that yet again she isn't actually going to bother to see him. We are going to ILs 2 days after xmas so why she couldn't give it to us then, I don't know.

Only time she gets in touch is a couple times a year when she is going on holiday and wants DH to feed her cats if MIL is away as well. Of course DH does it.

I know I shouldn't care, but it bugs me. Hoping that my brother is going to marry his GF, she will make a great SIL!

YABU. DH and his sister like each other, get on well etc but DH doesn't have a clue when her birthday is ("a bit before mine") and would have even less of a clue when his niece's birthday is so we regularly send presents late or save them up until we see them. They're moving to Oz soon so then I don't think we'll see them for 5+ years.

Between us, we have 2 DCs, 3 nephews, 2 nieces and 4 godchildren plus other children of family friends so we don't go to all the parties/ remember presents on time etc. It would have been far worse before we had our DCs.

I'm sorry your SIL doesn't conform with your ideal of family but IMO, it isn't worth stressing over and you certainly won't change it by having a go at her.

I don't think you are BU I just think you should get some perspective of how it is nowadays as others have echoed. Our families are disconnected but by saying we think our children are the centre of our relative's universes, that's bollox. We need to reminded ourselves of manners.

My SIL only see's her nephew and niece when she comes to stay with us-when she's here we don't actually see her because she's out the whole time meeting her friends day and night. She just sleeps here.

My DC are always asking me why doesn't auntie bleep bleep stay in and see us? They absolutely love. It's a shame really. I used to be a little pissed about it but tbh, put it out of my thoughts. I like her, she hasn't got a kids and doesn't understand and I'm not best placed to remind her of manners.

lunaticfringe see she probably sees those kids more often so therefore feels comfortable taking them out for the day. It's hard to make friends with kids that you don't see much of enough to take them out alone for a day.

I say again- if the H and Sister aren't that close (phone call when have to look after cats only) I'm not sure how the child and SIL would be expected to be close.

I'm not criticising OP, but perhaps if you do want that closeness you could all instigate more contact between these phonecalls and occasional family get together? Sorry if have got wrong end of stick and you do- it's not clear in your post.

"Were cousins/Aunts/Uncles important to you growing up?"

You have hit the nail on the head! Some of my cousins were like siblings to me, we have always been close and I used to stay at my aunts quite often as well. I guess I am used to a more involved family. I certainly do not see the point in giving a child a birthday card 3 months late, then they will be thinking it is their birthday again when it isn't.

It wasn't so much the fact that she couldn't come to DS's party, she couldn't be bothered to let us know. We just heard from MIL at the party that SIL had texted her (didn't bother to tell DH) to say they were busy.

I don't get in touch with her, she is DH's sister, I see it as his 'job'. I don't expect him to get in touch with my siblings to arrange seeing them, I do that. He did tell me recently that he thought of my brothers as his brothers because he has known them since they were children, which I thought was lovely. I wonder if he thinks more of them really. They are also pretty involved with DS, when they are home, they all are away at various times due to work and Uni so I don't get to see them as much as I would like, but as soon as they are home, they always make the time to come and see us (mainly because they want to see their nephew).

Guess I will just accept some of my family are closer than any of DH's (the rest of mine I would happily toss out of an airlock, but thats another story .

I also suggest that you are 'away' next time she needs someone to look after the moggy

Maisie has it. Better still tell her, let her know you are unavailable via a text message to your MIL.

Honestly though, your brothers sound like more fun and better for your DS, leave her to her cat.

Ha ha. You have a point there. My brothers are far more fun, DS adores them and is constantly asking when he is seeing them again.

SIL is going to be a lonely old woman if she does carry on how she is. I like the text via MIL too, . I wonder if DH will go for that?

Im sorry but I think YABU for all the reasons given, and there is a massive difference between spending time with/entertaining a small child and spending a few minutes feeding a cat. If she and her brother aren't close - and that's what it sounds like to me - then it's unsurprising really, it would only be a slight if you saw loads of get before your dc was born but not after

It's sad, but I'd just accept it and move on if I was in your position

And the tit for tat text/refusing to feed the cat is just petty IMO

My MIL is wholly disinterested in DS. I'm sad about it, especially as she is obsessed by DH. (She refused an offer to spend the day with them both as she wanted DH to herself.) But, you know, not her kid.

I have to admit I'm a bit thrown by the idea that a SIl should care. I'm lucky that a cousin and a sib adore DS. I have several more who never remember b'days or Xmas for him because they don't do kids. That's okay.

I don't really see why people should be that dfussed about DS. Though naturally those who are are blessed with exquisite taste and unerring discernment.

Petty not to feed the cat? Really? You see, I am wholly disinterested in cats - why on earth should I when I really don't want to drive over to someone else's house, change the litter tray, clean out the food and water bowls and top them up once a day for 2 weeks. That might take up to an hour a day, including the drive. That makes 14 hours over the course of a fortnight. Even if I wasn't having to drive, and had the cat at mine I'd still have to change litter trays (vom), feed it etc. I wonder if the OP's SIL would ever think of spending 14 hours with her nephew? No? Then why should anyone put themselves out in return?

"And the tit for tat text/refusing to feed the cat is just petty IMO" I'm not actually going to do that you know.

Maisie exactly, she can't even be bothered to nip to our house to post the card through the door even though our house is 10 minutes from her work and 15 minutes from her house. Why should DH make the effort to drive to hers several times over 2 weeks to feed and clean her cats when she can't be bothered to post a card through our letter box?

I know it won't stop DH feeding the cats, thats up to him but when he makes the effort to do her a favour, at least looking in her nephews direction the once a year she sees him isn't too much to ask, instead of sitting down the end of the room reading a news paper over her DH's shoulder.

CClady - you never know, some people would.
I think your husband is lovely to go out of his way to feed her cat, but my point is that he does this as a favour, not as a conditional agreement that she spends time with your DS in return. To be honest I wouldn't go to that faff, but if you do something for someone it's (I thought) supposed to be you doing them a favour without expecting anything in return

I can totally understand why this upsets you, my brother is the same with my DS, but it's because he's nearly 45 and has never had any interest in anyone's children.

It may be that your DS just doesn't register on her radar because she's not a children person, and that she doesn't speak to him because she doesn't know what to say as opposed to some slight - my nephew's weren't really of any interest to me until I had my DS and I am quite distant with DH's neices as I don't get on with his sister... I don't dislike them I'm just not that botherd I'm afraid, and DH has sent quite a few late cards/gifts after a not so gentle nudge from MIL

I'll sy it again, if she was a frequent visitor and very close to you and DH before your DS was born I would ask him to tackle the issue and ask why she has become distant.
However if you saw little of her before then she may just not be a kids person.

As hard as it is, I would try not to take it so personally and be glad that he has uncles who obviously love him and spending time with him

Not read all the replies, but to be honest, roads go both ways, you could always take your DS to see his auntie, rather than making her do all the running.