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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To turn down this invite again?!

11 replies

A1980 · 20/12/2010 22:22

My auntie sometimes invites us over at Christmas time for dinner etc. We don't often go fo meals as she lives some distance away and we see her at my mum's when she visits her etc.

This time she has said that she would really like us to see her. I do like to see her and i feel unkind turning her down. But I would rather she came to us or to my mum's. This sounds horribly unkind but I've seen her cooking a few times. While her food is fine, she can cook well it's the preparation that makes me nervous.

For example I once saw her preparing duck. She lay them on the kitchen draining board to prepare them. They were raw obviously. Once she'd finished preparing them (with her bare hands) and had put them in the oven to be cooked, she didn't wash her hands and simply wiped them on a towel in the kitchen. She then didn't wash the draining board after it had had raw meat on it and washed up the cups from tea and put them on the unwashed draining board. The dish sponges look as if they haven't been replaced for years.... I tried to keep my expression neutral while I saw all this. But then again, this is standard for my aunt.

I've already had a bad bout of norovirus quite recently. However unlikely, I don't want to get ill.

AIBU to try and dodge or get her to come to my house, or should I just go?

OP posts:
oranges · 20/12/2010 22:24

can you pop over for a cup of tea (bring your own cake) rather than a meal ?

A1980 · 20/12/2010 22:27

We could but she was us to come for a proepr lunch / dinner as we've entertained her and her husband a few times. I really don't want to say why I prefer her to come to mine.

OP posts:
MsKLo · 20/12/2010 22:30

Lie!

Blame the kids (lol) they want to be home with their toys etc

you will still be seeing her

lie lie lie!

protect your tummy!

A1980 · 20/12/2010 22:33

I don't have kids yet, I'm ttc! I will come up with some other elaborate lie though.

I feel so unkind Sad

OP posts:
purplepidjbauble · 20/12/2010 22:56

Can you drop a restaurant suggestion into the conversation? "Ooh, I've heard about such-and-such a place and been meaning to try it..."

zipzap · 20/12/2010 23:25

Did you get any sort of bug the last time you ate at hers? Not just the next day but in the week after seeing her (different types of food poisoning take different times to work their way into (or should that be out of!) your system...). If you did, then do keep it in mind if you are being bullied to tempted to say yes to her...

Also - is it worth having a quiet word with your mum and asking her how she thinks you could deal with it - and say that whilst your aunt may have made herself immune to bugs over the years by her habits, that you are currently quite susceptible to things and really really worried - even if you go to tea, chances are that she will have put the tea cups upside down on the draining board or used the same towel to wipe meat and dry plates so not really any safer. Any way you could recruit your mum to help you work out an avoidance plan?

If you do get to have to go there, work out some plan of how to counter-act the worst of the problems. Things like taking a small squirty thing of dettol spray with you and a clean cloth and tea towel, say you have been very ill recently and told by the doctor you have to do this to protect others as well as yourself (hopefully they won't question 'told by the doctor' Grin) and imply that you are having to do it at home and at your mums etc so it is not just something you do at hers - wash all plates and crockery before you eat from them, squrty wipe clean everything in front of you... say that you are now suffering from a particular type of OCD so you HAVE to do this otherwise you can't eat... all sorts of things you can say (even let her know about them in advance so she is not too surprised) and hopefully will make you feel safer there.

Katisha · 20/12/2010 23:29

I don't think elaborate stories are the way to go. Too complicated and you'll end up having to keep it up for years.

Can you talk to your mum honestly about it?

RockChick1984 · 21/12/2010 01:42

Does she know you're ttc? If so can you just say that you're being really fussy at the moment about what you will and won't eat, some sort of crazy conception diet, and you would hate to put her under all the pressure of finding things u are not fussy about eating? You can make a bit of a joke about it with her, but just convince her that it'd be more trouble than it's worth to try and cook for u at the moment! Xxx

RockinRobinBird · 21/12/2010 07:46

Or you could stop being so precious, go and see the poor woman and help prepare the meal. You could even bring some new dishcloths!

monkeyflippers · 21/12/2010 09:13

I think I would go seeing as you have no children to worry about getting ill. I have a similar family situation and I always end up going as I don't want to hurt anyones feelings. Not saying this is the right thing to do but it's what I do!

I try to help out in the kitchen though and then when you see her washing the cups or something say "oh you've forgotten to wipe down the drainging board, let me do that for you" as though you think it is something she normally does but has forgotten on this occassion.

TrillianAstra · 21/12/2010 09:17

"seeing as you have no children to worry about getting ill."

But she has been ill herself recently and doesn't want to be ill again, especially as she is TTC.

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