To expect my 8 yr old to control tantrums...

[dippymare]

Am at wits end with dd, she is a very loving sensitive and highly strung little girl. However every single day, she completely loses her rag and explodes, screaming, hitting and shouting abuse at me. When this happens she loses tv and computer privileges for the day and gets sent to a boring room to cool off, but it is still happening daily. I know she can control her temper as she doesn't say boo to a goose at school. Anyone had similar and can suggest anything else. Really run out of ideas .

Gosh I'd hope so though dont have an 8 year old yet.

No good advice except to say I have just opened a lovely bottle of wine

Have you given her strategies to use when she gets angry? My son (7) loses his rag VERY quickly, we talk about it a lot in our house and I'm trying to encourage him to thump a cushion on his bed rather than tearing a strip off us

What triggers her tempers? Wih my son, its feeling he's not being listened to (we are a noisy family of 5)

I don't think this is unusual, my 9 year old daughter is the same, I understand its something to do with being pre-teen. I haven't got any answers and I only wish I could be calmer about it myself. I've read loads of books etc., and I apparently Mumsnet were doing a survey on it - Google?

There must be a reason behind it. Problems at school? Tiredness? Problems in the family?

Have you sat down and talked to her, in private, when she is calm?

Have you spoken to her teacher?

Have talked to her about walking away when feels herself getting upset and punching the bed and/or teddy, she replies she wouldn't dream of punching a teddy!

It sounds as if she has a lot of pent up aggression possibly stemming from her inability to "say boo to a goose" while at school. I think she needs help to express herself away from the family home and you need to know whether there are issues at school that could be frustrating her.

DD2 was like this seemed she spent all her time controlling her temper in school that she had to let it out when she got home, we started praising the slightest good behaviour and ignoring the minor problems and once that was reasonable we started having mum and dd2 time together with no distractions, shopping, going to lunch together or even just going for a juice. But to be honest it didn't completely end until she hit puberty.

School might be able to offer a bit of counselling/CBT-type stuff, e.g. breathing tricks for when she's cross. TBH OP I bet she hates it as much as you do :(

I think you're all onto something with the not being able to say anything at school. BTW I also do that "Mum' time thing where we go shopping or swimming, that does seem to help, also we had a book where she could write down things that were upsetting her, thoughts she didn't want me to see etc., (You have to agree you won't read it though.)