to think my friend was out of order for saying this?

[HollyFP]

My birthday party last week. I am the first among my close friends to have a baby. My closest friend adored DD but she and her DH are not ready for kids yet.

Another friend of ours apparently said to the friend's DH "you should tell your DW that you really want children, that way she will reveal her true feelings and admit she's desperate to have a baby".

Wtf??

I heard this just now from my friend whose DH told her what this other friend had said.

I think this friend is going through a bit of a crisis in her relationship with DP so maybe her thoughts are a bit screwed up...that's the only explanation I can think of as to why she would come out with such a statement.

YABU
she said he said she said... wtf! they sound like a bunch of teenagers. Suggest you keep out of it and don't add fuel to the fire

I have to admit I'm not completely clear who said what to who, but I wouldn't pay much heed to chinese whisper type convos. I have had remarks reported back to me as allegedly things I have said which bear NO resemblance to my actual words.

Unless you were there, and heard the conversation and know the context then ignore.

Maybe your friend's DH said "Gosh I'd love to have kids - I feel like my wife might feel the same but I don't know" and the other friend said "Why don't you tell her, then she'll reveal her true feelings and maybe you'll find out she really wants kids too?"

Either way, not really your business IMO. Sorry.

I'm not adding any fuel to the fire. I am gauging whether my friend was BU to say what she did.

I know it's what she said, my DH was there and heard it.

who cares? It's not your business. It's not your relationship.

Maybe your friend had her reasons, maybe she was having a bad day, maybe she was being provocative, maybe she just didn't think through the consequences of what she was saying.

Who knows? If your friend wants to take it up with her, leave it between them. You can't help matters by stirring.

I guess I'm very thick, but what would be so offensive? It's sounds like a throw-away idle speculation remark at worst.

Just to be clear, I'm not going to get involved, or say anything to anyone about this. I just posted to find out if people thought it was a strange thing for someone to say to another friend's DH.

It just seems strange that someone thinks it's ok to operate in this way, ie being a bit sneaky and trying to elicit some kind of answer they think is the truth, when in fact they are probably the ones stirring by saying it.

The DH definitely does not want kids yet - they both feel the same way - ie not yet.

Maybe I'm just overthinking this...

If this freind was encouraging someone's DH to say he wanted children when he didn't, then she was out of order. Yes she might have ulterior motives and be going through a crisis of her own.

Why do you care about this particularly?

Maybe you should get rid of that maybe

I don't think we can know if it's strange or not.

We don't know the people. We don't know the circumstances. We don't 100% know what was said as you freely admit you weren't there - and I know you said your DH was there but being married to you doesn't make him magically more reliable than any other third party observer.

Step away. Ignore. If your friend feels aggrieved then it's up to her to deal with this on the basis of how SHE feels, not on the basis of what a load of strangers on the internet reckon.