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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off with my husband for going to N.I.

62 replies

BlueCollie · 17/12/2010 21:16

I am so pissed off with my husband GGRRR!! I kept telling him he would get stuck in N.I. and that he wouldn't get home for days due to weather. I pointed out the weather warnings many times. He is only home from Afghanistan for two weeks. I can understand he wanted to see his daughter but think he should have thought about it a bit more in the light of such severe weather warnings. I know I'm being selfish and probably unreasonable but I'm missing him and so is our little boy.

OP posts:

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 18/12/2010 08:12

I think he sounds wonderful. It's the kind of thing my dad would have done when I was younger, and looking back now I know how much of an effort he put in to see me.
He'll be back soon, it might just take a bit of organising. Well done you for helping with his contact, you should know how much seeing her means to him.

JeezyPeeps · 18/12/2010 08:29

YABU to wish he hadn't gone to see his daughter.

YANBU to be missing him and wanting him home for Christmas, or to be upset if he doesn't make it.

It does sound like to is a good guy, a lovely dad that wants to make sure he sees all his children around Christmas. You can't blame a guy for that!

Laurtopsy · 18/12/2010 08:41

I agree with JeezyPeeps.

YABU to wish he hadn't gone to see his daughter, especially when he wouldn't see her before Christmas, is being posted back to Afghanistan and has fought for contact with her. A good father wouldn't let a weather warning stop him from making a trip that would only see him being stuck for possibly a few days. If he hadn't have gone and the weather turned out to be fine he would be feeling terrible, his daughter would have missed out and no doubt you'd be feeling bad too.

YANBU to miss him and to want to spend time with him since you too haven't seen him. He'll be home with you soon and home with you for Christmas no doubt. It's annoying that he didn't listen to the weather warnings and to you but I would rather be married to a man who takes a chance like that for his daughter rather than a man who shrugs his shoulders at a weather warning that isn't set in stone.

On the bright side, his daughter gets to spend a little extra time with her dad even if it means you missing out on seeing him for a few hours/days. Please don't be angry at him when he gets home. Give him a hug and spend as much time together as you can with the time you're given.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 18/12/2010 09:17

Was thinking about this in the shower, and had to post this extra bit. I can fully understand you miss him, especially given the time constaints of him being home, but if God forbid anything should come between you, he'd obviously fight to keep contact with your DS come hell or high water. This is an admirable trait, make the most of him when he returns.

Original poster

BlueCollie · 18/12/2010 09:44

Well he's stuck there for another day or so. I find it hard that most people think it's unreasonable that I am not allowed to be pissed off by that. Why am I not allowed to be pissed off that all our plans have had to be cancelled, that he's stuck somewhere and not sure when he will be home, that I have been looking forward to seeing him after 3 months away and I am still not seeing him. I do not begrudge his time with his daughter. We could have gone with him but I believe that they, as father and daughter, need their alone time and not have the distraction of a 1 year old taking precious time away from them. Surely there would be something wrong if I wasn't pissed off that after looking forward to spending sometime with my husband I am now unable to. I spoke to him and said would you have let me travel with such severe weather warnings...answer from him 'No' would you be pissed off at me if I went and his answer was 'yes'

OP posts:

notjustapotforsoup · 18/12/2010 10:10

You're "allowed" to feel however you want. I would be sad not to be able to spend time with my husband in your situation as well.

Poor guy, though. It's hard when you have to let someone down and it was either you or his daughter. I think I would have chosed to risk letting down the adult in this scenario as well.

KenDoddsDadsDogEatsTinsel · 18/12/2010 10:10

Hope he is home soon and you have a nice time together.

ruthie76 · 18/12/2010 10:26

I have the opposite situation.

Hubby went to London for Work on Thursday and despite objections as to the weather warnings - he went anyway and now can't get home to NI.

I am now in the process of trying to figure out how the hell he is going to get home before Christmas. All flights to NI are fully booked (even before they are cancelled). I managed to book him on a flight from Heathrow tonight but that's looking doubtful. As a back up we have also booked the Liverpool-Belfast ferry but that means him having to get to Liverpool.

He also doesn't understand that everyone is trying to get home this weekend and even though there are flights scheduled for earlier times and different airports it doesn't necessarily mean they have seats free on them. And he's getting antsy because I can't get these flights booked! I have told him if I could I would but saying that the next flight with available seats out of any of the London airports is Thursday - I think I have done my utmost to get him home.

Plus, tomorrow we are supposed to be going on a steam train Santa visit and he won't be home in time.

Plus, he has a 4x4 and its stuck at the airport and I have been left with a lovely rear wheel drive car and those & snow don't mix so I am stuck with a 4 year old who wants his dad and am getting cabin fever.

So I understand where you are coming from - you really just want him home. Although he is a great dad to come over and see his child - you should be grateful to have such a fab partner - who will do anything to keep contact. Many wouldn't.

Hope he is home soon & safe

Sorry for the rant as well!

TryLikingClarity · 18/12/2010 10:59

Tee I had thought about the OP's DP being able to get a train from NI to Dublin, but we aren't sure whereabouts in NI he is. For all we know he could be stuck in a wee hole in the hedge in a rural part not near train station.

Ruthie your situation sounds terrible! Poor you, and poor OP!

hairyfairylights · 18/12/2010 11:04

Yabu and even more so in your second post. His daughter needs to see him too.

Morloth · 18/12/2010 11:24

My suggestion is for Ruth and OP to swap husbands. Is best all round.

OP be pissed off at the weather/circumstances by all means, I would be, but I wouldn't be annoyed with DH putting his time with his daughter before your (and his) inconvenience. The main thing is that they got to see each other.

cakewench · 18/12/2010 11:35

I can understand being upset, but YABU. For all of the reasons given above.

independiente · 18/12/2010 12:02

OP you're NBU to be feeling hacked off at weather/fate. It's annoying for us all, and doubly upsetting in your case given your husbands job and the time limit etc. Of course you want him to have time with his DD, but it's hard to be grown up and even handed when fate bites you on the arse. It brings out the 'but what about me?!' in all of us. Yes, if he'd listened to you, your long anticipated plans would be in place, and that is going to be annoying. But try and take comfort from what a great father he seems to be. You're allowed to be annoyed, it doesn't take anything away from what you want for your DSD. I think this is just one of those really tough situations where it's hard to be the perfect adult, given your particular situation.

ruthie76 · 18/12/2010 13:08

There is another issue with the train to dublin.

There was an ongoing security alert earlier which means trains stop and people are bussed to dundalk. It can happen at any time and really adds to the annoyance of the situation. As far as I am aware it is over now though and the trains to dublin are running as normal.

Could also get a bus to dublin airport from Belfast city centre.

But the disruption on the other side is the issue now.

I really hope everyone's loved ones get home safe (and soon)

TimeTravellersWife · 18/12/2010 13:22

Ruthie my husband is in the same situation at Heathrow. He was booked onto a flight about 5 today, but it's now looking cancelled, but nobody is entirely sure. He's been booked onto a flight to Dublin for tomorrow morning, but I don't know whether that'll be an issue (if he does get there) for getting home, and I was trying to find out about the Liverpool ferry for tonight for him, but didn't know whether he would be able to get to Liverpool - aaahhh! I'm 37 weeks pregnant with a 2 year old who is very bored and have been snowed in for 2 days now. Just want him home safe and sound!

TimeTravellersWife · 18/12/2010 13:22

Should add, he was meant to be home yesterday afternoon but got hit with the first wave of cancellations.

ruthie76 · 18/12/2010 13:38

TimeTravellerswife - your situation sounds worse than mine.

I have been getting phone calls that the roads around heathrow are chocka and he is really in a panic - never heard him so bad and he usually travels v regularly.

p.s. Keep your legs crossed - it would be awful to go into labour with him not there.

TimeTravellersWife · 18/12/2010 15:30

Thanks Ruthie - it's miserable no matter what else is going on, waiting for somebody to get home at the busiest time of the year! Haven't even got all my Christmas shopping sorted as last day of work was yesterday, and was going out all this weekend...

Checked with the ferries, and they have no tickets until tomorrow night, and all the flights for today with BMI are now cancelled. So if his Aer Lingus doesn't go, we'll have to hope he'll still get home via Liverpool. Any more word on your DH?

And OP, I really feel for you - it's difficult to know whether to change plans in the event of something happening, like the snow, which might not be as bad as predicted but I agree with everybody else, that it shows his dedication as a father, and I would be most proud of him for that! Hope he has a bit more luck trying to find alternative ways home - keep us posted!

expatinscotland · 18/12/2010 15:39

YABU. Be glad he's in a safe place and not stranded on some road or in airport, seeing no one.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 18/12/2010 16:02

I really hope that you are not that pissed off with him when he does make it home, that you spoil his last few days before he goes back to Afghanistan.

YANBU to be sorry he isn't with you, but YABU to take it so personally and make a big issue out of it.

FairPhyllis · 18/12/2010 16:06

Everyone who keeps saying the OP's DH should go via Dublin may be missing something a bit crucial: British armed forces personnel cannot enter the Irish Republic (at least this used to be the case, don't know if it still is).

chipmonkey · 18/12/2010 16:18

Is that not more relaxed, now Phyllis? Would they object if he wasn't in uniform and not on official business?

ruthie76 · 18/12/2010 16:30

hubby's flight now cancelled.

Going home via ferry on sunday night - he just has to drive to liverpool now - rather him than me. He said the M25 was horrendous!

He phoned earlier and said the fella beside him in the hotel bar is trying to get to Canada and the next flight is wednesday and will cost £2,700!!!!. So at least we are better off than some.

Phyllis - as far as i was aware that rule is now more relaxed - good friday agreement and all that - plus he wouldn't be in uniform so who's to know?

FairPhyllis · 18/12/2010 16:32

As I said, I'm not sure what the rules are now. I remember some friends saying a while back that they couldn't visit Ireland even though they were both from NI as they were in the Army.

I think the OP is NBU to be upset her husband may be stuck, but I don't think she should blame her husband for going: it's just one of those things. Frustrating though it is.

TryLikingClarity · 18/12/2010 16:34

Phyllis - that rule is much more lax than it once was.

It's not like he'll be dressed in his army clothes with gun over his shoulder.

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