to insist that dp show me his credit card statement?

[MaxiBoden]

im always open and honest about my credit/store cards and often have my accounts open or discuss them with dp etc but his are tightly password protected and hes very secretive about them, one inparticular and shuts down the statements when i come in the room etc. i know its none of my business and i wouldnt care BUT its his beaviour regarding the card that makes me want to know whats going on with it!
aibu to ask him if i can look at his statements? if he says no i know there is something up but at the same time, just asking makes ME sound like a nutjob.
aibu for wanted to know what hes hiding?

This time of year in particular YABU you may ruin his surprises!

Christmas surprise??

Have you financial problems and don't know why? then fair enough, if you have no financial concerns or are wondering where money is going it is none of your business.

He could be a secret gambler!

its definitely not christmas suprise.

Sorry thats if you are NOT wondering where money is going.

its definitely not christmas suprise.

TBH if my partner wanted to see my financial statements the second word would be "off"

We have both joint and seperate accounts.

Unless hes behaving suspiciously in other areas, then YABU.

Never ignore the first gut feeling though. Keep an eye on him.

I have never seen one of my DH's statements. Its a bit motherly trying to check his finances, hes not twelve

Dh has never seen, nor asked to see, any of my statements.

Unless we were up financial shit creek, and/or I had form, I would find it odd and controlling.

I would find it odd if my husband and I DIDN'T see each other's credit card/bank statements. We are a team, the money is ours.

I'd find it odd and controlling if HE DIDN'T shut down the computer so the OP couldn't see what he was up to.

My dh can't see my bank statement but I wouldn't be afraid if he walked past as I don't have anything to hide.

Unfortunaly some people do amass huge debts under their's and their partner's name. I think it all sounds a bit sus and would look in to it myself.

makes me wonder what he's trying to hide. Amounts? Where he's spending his money?Id definately be suspicious at that. I might even start looking into mother things, eg. itemised phone bill.

Not to worry you or anything.... but I knew a man who had a secret card/account for 'business expenses' and used it to pay his mistress maintenance for their child and buy them gifts. :) I'd suggest that if you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question....

Are there any other signs of financial problems? (e.g. money going missing from joint account, red bills, piles of unopened letters from the bank in his name).

If you suspect his action is part of a wider issue which could negatively affect you and your family, YANBU. But if this is the only thing you're going on then YABU - he's probably just bought you a surprise present for xmas.

Do the amounts go out of a joint account or his personal account? TBH if you are not in financial difficulties and the amounts he's spending don't seem to be that high, it wouldn't bother me.

maxiboden

you posted about this yesterday in your other thread, which I posted on.

Do you have a some suspicions?

Might be alone in this but for me if you're together as a family then his finances affect yours and vice versa. YANBU to want to understand where he is financially - and the same applies in the other direction.

Here we have joint everyday bills and food accounts, and separate current and savings accounts.

The day to day stuff isn't important, but the overall trend of where we are is something we sit down and talk through every few months.

I would never snoop into his bank statements but they're here in a folder next to me if I wanted to. We do discuss where we are and what we want to achieve financially so we have common agreed financial goals.

As with others, depends if the money is joint / separate, card is in his sole name etc. Would still find it a bit weird that he doesn't want you to see though. I do all the banking for me and DH though even for his separate accounts so we are very open with each other about our money.

talk to him. Tell him that it is making you feel anxious because you feel there is something that he is hiding from you, and that worries you.

If he doesn't care about that because hiding it is more important - you have a problem.

He might be online gambling or anything. There are a lot of reasons why he wants to hide this information from you. But it's the sort of thing that can wreck a marriage because of course you're going to have that little voice in your head screaming ANOTHER WOMAN ANOTHER FAMILY ANOTHER WOMAN!

So you have to lay your cards on the table.

I would want to know, I'm afraid. A friend's DH was secretive about money, and it eventually all blew up and my friend discovered he had been spending money, then getting loans, then not repaying. She nearly lost her house and ended up in HUGE amounts of debt, which it will take her years of working to pay off If she had found out earlier, it could have been nipped in the bud. He still has no explanation for how he managed to get into so much debt- def no other woman, poss suspicions re gambling.

Yes, it's fine to have seperate finances- DH and I have seperate accounts, as well as a joint account. But credit cards are a different matter- even if those debts are not YOUR debts, they could affect your house (if his name is on the mortgage) and your future credit rating.

We just have a joint credit card account. My husband does have his own current account where as mine are joint, but that's a relic of when we got together. He tends to buy me presents from his account and would let me see the statements if I asked, and leaves them lying around, but because I trust him I usually don't bother.
I wouldn't marry someone who didn't consider all money once married to be "our" money and decisions re spending it to be joint.
To me financial secrecy and marriage are incompatible. You obviously didn't feel this way when you got married so odd to be trying to change things now. If it does matter to you then you need to discuss it and decide how important it is to you ie is it a deal breaker?