To feel put out?

[brownbug78]

I go to a toddler group, all mums just kind of look after all kids, even disciplining each other's kids if the mum is otherwise occupied with another child/in the loo/having a chat.

My DS took a toy off another child, and as I was telling him off, the child's mum (a friend) shouted across the room, completely talking over me, telling my son off for taking the toy.

Now, if I hadn't witnessed DS doing it and hadn't been next to him ready to step in, fair enough - I would've been completely ok with her doing that. But as I was standing right there and was dealing with it, AIBU to feel undermined?

Perhaps a little, but I wouldn't worry too much about it if they're all really nice otherwise.

If she kept doing it then YWNBBU to feel put out, but there could be loads of reasons why she did it, and she probably didn't even notice she might have overstepped the mark.

If she does it again, then tell her that you are dealing with it and don't appreciate her speaking over you. I think her behaviour was quite rude. Would have been tempted to tell her that too.

YANBU. I have this slight issue too and it is with a friend of mine who tells DS off when it isn't always necessary.

I find it undermining and the last time it happened (it has happened many times) I did point out that I had seen what had happened and I was dealing with it. She did look slightly embarrassed then. My best friend was there and was really surprised as she told DS off a few times for things that he just wasn't doing.

As long as I am there and he isn't doing something harmful or dangerous, it is no ones job but mine to discipline my child.

I'm glad I'm not being weird - really had to bite my tongue this time when it happened, but feel that if it happens again, I should say something (for my own sanity). However DH has (probably correctly) pointed out that I need to be prepared for the consequences if it doesn't go down well! Don't want to lose a friendship, but not prepared to sit back while someone makes me look incapable as a parent!

How can I phrase it without hurting her feelings?

I think you should worry less about the feelings of someone who doesn't care about your feelings. Also, it is not a true friendship if the other person doesn't respect you or if you are left feeling undermined and angry at her behaviour.

I think the best approach is to be calm, polite and keep it simple. Just say that you saw what happened and are dealing with it. This is your child and you are the best person to teach him how to behave. She is not going to do a better job than you. Keep that in mind during the conversation. So long as you are not rude, then sge really has nothing to object to and might respect you a little more in the future.

Sorry for lecture. People who talk over other people make me mad!

Just a simple "its ok, I'm here and dealing with xxxx thanks" should be enough. Enough to let her know that you don't need her input but say in a polite, cheery way if you are afraid of offending.