to want to avoid someone because they made me buy them something...

[Punkatheart]

In the summer, a Big Issue seller appeared outside our local Waitrose. She was there in all weathers and when I saw here while shopping, I would buy her a coffee if it was cold outside or a cold drink if it was hot. Sometimes a huge muffin. She was always polite and perfectly pleasant until one day, when I asked her if she would like a drink, she shook her head and said quite abruptly: 'No drinks, Nappies.' I was a little taken aback but I agreed. 'I have two babies...so two sets of nappies.'

I went into Waitrose and bought the two sets of nappies. I haven't bought them for a long time - but I was amazed how expensive they were.

When I got home, my OH - who is generally quite soft - was quite angry that I had been 'taken advantage of...'. We are not wealthy but comfortable enough.....

Then when I saw the girl again, she looked as if she was going to ask me again. I ducked into Waitrose and I have been avoiding her ever since. But it makes me feel as if I am a terrible person. I don't know what situation she is in - but I understood that selling the Big Issue was intended to help people avoid begging. Was this begging - asking a stranger for nappies? But I simply cannot afford to support her in this way....

Was she in Thame then, if not Henley? I gave her a pair of boots (not new) and some children's coats.

Even if she's had nappies, bottles, some formula, wipes, sandwiches, cash, a bag of third hand babygrows, a slightly mildewed pushchair, a pair of boots and children's coats - so what?

I've Freecycled more than that - to people who are resident long enough to have, and can afford, an internet connection.

I wasn't complaining! I got the boots and coats from freecycle to give to her. It's so easy to get bargains/ free stuff etc when you've got access to the internet and a form of transport to get to them.

I also pay £5 for the BI and on one occassion I gave her the fish & chips I was carrying as she said they "smelt nice".

Dont forget some are traumatised and/or have poor communication skills, many have been badly treated, have a lot of tolerance for what may come across as rude behaviour.

My seller calls me "the chip lady" every time i see her :o

Plupervert 'so what' - precisely, that's why I said 'I don't begrudge her any of that'

The OP said she felt like a terrible person for avoiding her after giving her the nappies, my post was intended to empathise with that.

And if we are talking about the same person, she is foreign so may come across as rather abrupt when actually she is simply struggling to comunicate.

..she is in Caversham now...if indeed the same person...

Sorry, ArsMamatoria, I got the wrong end of the stick. I thought people were itemising out of resentment, not to show it is reasonable to offer things. My mistake.

Has anyone thought that maybe buying something may mean they can take it back and get cash? I may be wrong but just a thought!

OP dont think you should avoid her, just have a strategy ie a pound coin to give her. Coffee @£2.50 or more if your homeless probably feels wrong. Agree as Riven say if she is eastern European the accent can sound very abrupt

"buying something may mean they can take it back and get cash"

Sounds rather a lot of hassle, particularly without a receipt. And a risk and more humiliating to fail in a shop (shop could say no to returning items like nappies, or even insinuate she stole them) than to ask for something in the first place.

This is a very middle-class dilemma. Just imagine having to go into a shop hoping you get a refuned on nappies! I don't think some finanacial crooks think twice about selling the wrong policy to a pensioner, or telling them to re-mortage there home knowing that the home will be repossed. I could go on and on with the white collar crime that goes on and people have them over for dinner and call them friends. So let's all be a little forgiving and figure out our own way of dealing with these problem. It shocks me how hard we can be on those that commit petty crime and just shrug our shoulders at the biggies. Again, give the money to a charity and let the charity judge the worthy causes.

Yes, NuttySanta, very middle class. Once spending is even a bit discretionary, guilt does kick in. And rightly so, as we are human.

Your post also made me think of that Spectator ad which ran something like: "People from bad areas steal your mobile phone. People from good areas steal your pension."

plupervert Yep1 that was the advert I was thinking of. I've always know it and it makes me very cross.

The more money or power you have access to, the more opportunity you have to do good, and, equally, to do bad. Hitler could have been the petty tyrant of just one office, but nooooo, sadly, he got elected!

Not sure how many people are aware of this, but a lot of BI sellers are actually trafficked here and made to sell the BI but hand over the profits to the traffickers. They may get housed and fed (after a fashion) by these traffickers, but are basically trapped here with no money and no way of getting out.

Only found this out recently. It is a growing problem apparently.

How did you find this out? Did the BI itself say something, or was it Dispatches or something?

Can I also ask how much profit there is in this? The profit margin for the BI doesn't sound like the sort of thing I would choose as a racket, if I were people-trafficking. Prostitution and DVD-selling and even providing agricultural labour (think the Chinese gangmasters of Morecambe Bay) seem much better "rackets" for gangmasters/traffickers: you will get a much better "return" on your rather risky "import".

I'm not having a go: this are genuinely interested questions.

It would be different if she said, "No, please don't buy me a coffee, but if you ever have a few nappies spare I'd be really grateful" rather than "Buy me two sets of nappies."

Ooops sorry, really old thread!

It may be old Imperial, but it is interesting. I chat in a fashion to our Big Issue sellers, they are Eastern European with very limited English. There are 3 of them. They have been in my area for about 2 years, most days. Over the summer they disapeared, only to be replaced by the original English sellers whom we had got to know before the Eastern Europeans arrived.

After about six weeks the English BI sellers left and the Eastern Europeans returned. It struck me as odd, where could they have been? Where are the original English BI sellers now?

I tried asking the Eastern European lady but her English was not up to it.

AIBU to find this odd?

ive been homeless aswell and it took 10 days for benefits to start, all the food we had (me and ds1) was the carrier bag of food and what was leftover in the histel (we were the only ones there) if i was selling big issue i would have probably asked for food for my son instead or nappies f he was still in them?