To be getting a bit P8ssed off with people telling me how well off my partner and I should be....

[Catnao]

We made a bit of a contraceptive error 11 years ago or so, and as a result, one of us (me) had just graduated 3 months before our son was born, and the other was able, thanks to supportive family and me working to support our lovely son for the first 2 years or so, to also become a graduate. When my son was 3, we both went back to university to train for our present careers and now both have full time professional jobs. However, the ill timed (but still marvellous) off spring, plus going back to uni, plus me working in very low paid employment when son was small, has meant we are paying back a lot of debt still (though improving now, obviously). We still rent our home, we don't go abroad on holiday, and our car is 15 years old - and I have had SO many people asking why we are not on the housing ladder, why we don't go away, why we only go out once a month each. I feel really defensive now about things (probably because one of my friends is mighty cross that I cited finances as a reason I can't come to her weekend in Paris (??) hen do and said we must be on "really good money" so I am "being tight"). I have to pay for a rsidential trip for my son this year at nearly £200 and it's just not feasible to spend about £400 on a weekend away!) And breathe.

It's very cheeky of people to keep commenting on how much money they think you should have, not to mention bloody rude.

You shouldn't have to explain yourself at all because it's got FA to do with them!

We're not breadline skint any more, but not well of either, I'd be really shocked and angry if anyone I knew thought fit to say anything about our old car/lack of going out/no holidays, because all those things we choose to do rather than lack of cash.

Thank you! OF COURSE I would go if it was a meal in a restaurant or night out - but I'll aleady have to pay quite a lot to go to the wedding in the Summer (if I'm still invited!)

I think I´d refuse a weekend away hen "party" on principal

"principle"

I had a colleague who was obsessed with what my husband earned. He constantly asked about income, family car, mortgage, holidays,savings. It was very wearing and rude. It got to the point where he would criticise me getting overtime as "you don't need the money". He also demanded I take annual leave in the schoool holidays as "you can afford the hike in price, where I can't".

I couldn't get it through to him that it was none of his effing business.

Arrrgghhhhh! The dreaded 'let's go abroad' hen do. I know I'm going a bit off topic here but nothing boils my blood more than women who plan these ridiculously expensive hen dos and then get in an absolute huff when all and sundry can't make it. I went on one that ended up costing £400. We were put behind finance wise for the next few months. And then we were expected to go on her 'second hen do' in the town where we live!! A fun piss up with your friends with perhaps a hostel stay-over should be sufficent.

In terms of people suggesting how well off you should be and that you should be on the property ladder...Do you find it's just certain 'friends' who say it? I have a few so-called friends that used to love to remind me about the area we used to live in not being great and would REPEATEDLY ask when we were moving. Used to drive me absolutely crazy. Don't know if it was to get my goat or that I was just being overly sensitive as was unhappy with the situation we were in. My suspicion in though it was to make themselves feel smug/better about themselves. Could that be the case?

• is though

Agreed. It is vanity that mekes people have extravagant hen dos and expect everyone to go.

Maybe I should say that although we are both primary teachers we also have very expensive crack habits (it's so moreish!) and hence can't afford much else? :o

And yes, on a serious note, maybe I am defensive cos other friends are/SEEM more financially secure and etc, but we have both worked hard to get where we are and our rented house is nice, (and we can have Sunday lunch out without worrying once in a while), but I still think it is rude to make assumptions about other people's personal circumstances.

It is rude but my bet it that it makes them feel that bit better about themselves. Very hard to ignore 'cos I've been there. On the other hand hubby never gives a shit what people think about us which I'm very jealous of. What does your husband say about it?

He is not my husband - but irritatingly, he thinks it's funny and thinks we should both turn up at the hen do with our son and say - "Well - since you wanted C there so much, we thought we would make it our annual holiday - can you keep the noise down, because S needs to sleep". Or alternitively "Why does it worry you so much, C? tell her and any other dick head you inexplicably choose to be friends with, to FUCK RIGHT OFF!"

I KNOW about the spelling!

Sorry, partner. Yep, sounds like mine. Wish I had the guts.

Me too - but I am not rude enough to say anything like that except in fantasy - i told my partner that and he said - well, I'll talk to her... NO!!!

'we also have very expensive crack habits (it's so moreish!) and hence can't afford much else?'

Oh, please do that, and without a hint of sarcasm on your face

Generally people who do this feel bad about themselves, don´t they?

(Not that that excuses it)

Is it a female thing to care about what others think of you I wonder?

That was my partner's suggestion....

Ha! By the thread title I thought you'd be for a flaming but UR Totally NBU.

You and your DP sound like you have a great partnership btw.