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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I thank my DH for changing nappies?

49 replies

firefliesinjune · 16/12/2010 11:55

Brief background

I am SAHM with 2.9 year DS and DD who is 7 months. DH works 24 hours a week. I do bulk of housework and stuff with children.

I am shattered and have asked DH many times I need more help with everything.

Today whilst we were out he said

"Oh I will start to do half of DDs nappy changes once my back is better"

(he has had a bad back for 2 weeks) and in all of DDs life has changed about 5 nappies.

I said "great" thinking well yes its about time.

He then went off on one saying "you could say thankyou."

I explained it was OUR job to change her nappies - he does not thank me when I change her nappies why should I be thanking him? He then said I should be more gracious and stomped off.

Am I being a cow? Should I have said thanks? Have no clue if IABU?

OP posts:

TheCrackFox · 16/12/2010 13:28

He works 24hr a week, he can't exactly claim he is exhausted, can he?

Techinically he is doing the baby a favour by changing its nappy.

FindingAManger · 16/12/2010 13:38

the across lap nappy change is perfect for 7 month old babies, and really easy - no back strain involved at all. Teach it to him

NinkyNonker · 16/12/2010 13:39

Only if it was your turn.

BornToFolk · 16/12/2010 13:42

"I think everyone should always thank each other for everything they do for each other, it's just common courtesy IMO"

I agree, but he's not changing the OP's nappy is he?

walkinginaWUKTERwonderland · 16/12/2010 13:45

No, the baby should say thank you.
Because it's not YOU he is helping, it's his own child.

WoD you hit the nail on the head.

snowflake69 · 16/12/2010 13:53

My husband always says thank you for making (our daughter) tea, dressing her etc if I do it. I say the same to him if he does it. We thank each other when the other does household stuff a lot of the time to.

PostingID · 16/12/2010 14:23

I've got a back that is totally buggered - I dont let that stop me changing my boys nappies! He needs to learn coping techniques...and as for having to thank him for doing it, I think it is ridiculous! Fair enough you should appreciate each other for doing stuff, but who wants to have to thank each other for stupid things.....you would continually be saying thank you to each other!

Fernie3 · 16/12/2010 14:31

YANBU having said that my dh doesnt change that many nappies, he is however in charge of any sick, poo that isnt in a nappy and other icksy things that dont involve nappies (cat and child related). I cant even remember how it started being split like that but it works pretty well for us. If he wanted me to thank him for chaning a nappy when he does (he obviously HAS to if I am not around for whatever reason) I would be a little miffed.

anonacfr · 16/12/2010 14:48

I'm with PostingID.
I'd go mad if I had to thank hubby for everything he did (and vice versa for that matter).
We're grown ups, we have two kids (one still in nappies) we each deal with whatever needs dealing with round the house at the time.

If he buys me a gift I'll thank him. If he makes me a cup of tea I'll thank him. But not for routine stuff that we both do. (bath, nappies, picking up laundry, clearing toys etc)

Deliaskis · 16/12/2010 14:51

We also thank each other for things we do, regardless of whether it's his or my 'job', or whatever. I thanked DH for tidying the kitchen last night even though it was mess that I created cooking tea for both of us, and tidying up is not necessarily my job that he was helping with, it was just nice that he did it.

If the OP were me I would probably have said 'that's great thanks' or 'that'll be a help thanks'. There's really no reason not to.

He is BU to 'pull you up' on it though!

HuwEdwards · 16/12/2010 14:57

Only if he PAYS you when you do it.

BibiBlocksberg · 16/12/2010 15:08

Crikey, he's asking to be thanked for something he hasn't even done yet.

I had no idea medals now had to be handed out for good intentions.

Unless I've misread the OP - the mind boggles!!!

taintedsnow · 16/12/2010 15:14

Bloody hell. No way should you be thanking him and he's an arse to expect it and ask for it, no doubt.

I expect he'll be thanking you for every nappy you change in his presence from now on then?

You only thank people who are not the parents of the child. When it's the parents, it's a duty, not a favour.

Rhinestone · 16/12/2010 15:23

He sounds like an utter twat. You shouldn't need to thank him for doing something which is 50% his responsibility anyway.

But why are you even asking? Why not grow a pair and tell him to feck right off.

HowAnnoying · 16/12/2010 15:29

Well he's changing the nappy for the baby, so the baby should say thank you. How rude of that 7 month old.

Rhian82 · 16/12/2010 15:31

I'd go out early one morning and leave him to do everything involving the kids all day. Then come home and ask why the washing up hasn't been done.

But that might not be the most helpful thing?

happygilmore · 16/12/2010 15:37

What I found most disturbing about your OP was you saying you don't know if you're being unreasonable - of course you're not! Would you be happy for your daughter when she grows up to be treated like this?!

DH does virtually all the nappy changes here at the weekend, I have to do them during the week so he thinks it's only fair to take his fair share when he's here. And he works a lot more than 24 hours a week..

coccyx · 16/12/2010 15:44

You are a fool to let him treat you like this. My dear dad changed nappies 40 yearsago, so as men are supposed to be more hands on these days, your oh needs to get off his arse and help.
stop being a doormat

Fibilou · 16/12/2010 16:31

Jeez, my DH averages about 60 hours a week and has no problems getting hands on with DD - even taking care of her when he's only had a couple of hours sleep after a night shift and he has to take over for me to go to work. He also does some housework although this is limited to the jobs he doesn't mind doing (hoovering and doing floors)

Your DH is being pathetic and blaming his back when the problem is that he is just lazy.

Original poster

firefliesinjune · 16/12/2010 17:38

Thought I was not BU now I know! Thanks!

OP posts:

StanHouseMuir · 16/12/2010 17:56

YANBU. I don't understand this "I'll do half" nor 'turns' business. If your kid needs their nappy changing then you change it. Most odd.

TattyDevine · 16/12/2010 23:27

On a side note, and partially in response to notevenamouse, my DH thanked me for his children, particularly my daughter (I was concious/lucid the night she was born, as opposed to son!) and he texted me and said "thank you for my beautiful baby girl"

But agree with all posters. YANBU!

blackeyedsusan · 17/12/2010 00:22

Is it his child?

Just asking because he is behaving like it is not!

Doesn't it drive you bonkers?

"I've done this that and the other for you"

They seem to think that they live in a hotel sometimes and that thechildren are nothing to do with them.

yanbu

colditz · 17/12/2010 00:24

YANBU

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