To be this upset? DH thinks I am

[OneTwoBaubleMySanta]

Yesterday whilst in my classroom a very heavy light fitting fell down, I had moved from where it fell a mere second before and if I hadn't I dread to think what state I would be in right now (my neck was where it fell).

I got through the school day yesterday somehow and when I asked if ok I always replied that I was glad it was only me in there and no children.

Today however it has really hit me what might have happened and I have spent all morning shaking and sobbing whilst trying to look after my 15 month DD.

My DH rang (as he normally does on my days not at school) and was not impressed that I was so upset still and that "you weren't hurt were you?" and kept saying "what do you want me to do about it?"

This has made me think that IABU to still be feeling like this and anger at my DH's attitude.

I get more upset about all sorts of things since I had my DS, now 18mo. It's probably an overrreaction but you'll get over it soon enough.

You are sufferering from after shock, kinda like PTSD. You weren't under it and there is nothing anybody can do and probably nothing anyone can say to make you feel better.

There is always a reason for everything and whilst it is upsetting you are okay and that's the main thing.

It's shock, it doesn't always hit straight away. Must have been bloody scary. But do try and focus on you being absolutely fine. Could have been much worse, it's not, so give yourself a shake/slap and try and put it to the back of your mind as best you can :)

Well ok to be a bit upset but maybe you over-think a bit 'my neck was where it fell' made me a bit too-sorry. .

Personally i would be happy that i wasn't or any child hurt. But i'm a bit of Pollyanna.

Does this mean that the light fittings are dodgy thu?

TBH, I think you are over reacting a teeny tiny bit. You weren't hurt and neither were the children.
Be positive and report the light fittings then there shouldn't be any more incidents.

yes it's shock - at the moment you probably had a fright and a "whew that was close" reaction, but as a little time passes you get time to actually realise what a close call you had, you could have been seriously injured etc - and it has a physical & emotional effect on you.

As others have said, you are OK, focus on that. Perhaps you can talk it through with a friend over a cuppa (or there is MN of course :))

YANBU to be upset - your DH probably feels a little helpless at your upset.

Also IME men like to offer a solution, eg if you said I need you to do X, he'd be much more helpful, just wanting to 'talk about it' with a supportive ear isn't something most men get.

Have had similar style discussions with my DH, now i say to him, before i start i don't want a solution ok?!

Let yourself think it through, talk about it (with someone sympathetic) and allow yourself to move on :)

It's just shock, you will be ok. I would be shaken too - and yes, men always like to think there is something they can DO, and in this case there is nothing your DH can do.

Just say to him you just need a bit of sympathy, as it was a near death experience, to be fair. Being brought so close to our mortality is bound to affect you, but a bit of time will sort you out.

BTW did you think of George Clooney in that Nespresso ad, dodging the piano?

I think this is one of the main differences in how the male brain works and the female.

Men tend to only deal with problems which exist. We don't really go for the whole "what if" problems, as they are not.....problems.

Women on the other hand worry a lot about what may or may not happen.

So in your case OP, you are sat there worrying about how life would continue IF it had happened. Whereas to your husband, it was a near miss, nothing happened. Therefore carry on.

Thank you everyone, have had another sweet tea and dumped put DD in front of Cbeebies with her lunch so I can MN think more clearly.

DH is very much a wanting to fix things man and this has stumped him.

Actually - why did the fitting fall? Maybe you should be on to health and safety about this, get all the fittings checked?

If it had fallen and hurt you, sounds like the school would be in the shit.

maybe DH can advise on this - something he can do!

Not sure why it fell, school are investigating and it was all fixed quickly but we stayed out of the classroom all day as a precaution.

If he's a fixer, tell him he can help make you feel better by giving you a big hug and cooking dinner for a week.

That should sort it!

Sounds like shock to me. You're going to feel it for a while and then it'll slowly wear off, but chances are you'll still get a little surge of adrenaline when you think about it for a while afterwards.

It really pisses me off when other people say you "shouldn't" have such and such a reaction to something. If we were all in such control of our emotions, and could decide what we should and shouldn't react to then life would be a whole lot easier and the world would be a far more peaceful place! When you get a sudden fright like this you get a shot of adrenaline and cortisol which might have very little effect on you at the time (apart from making you a bit shaky). As these hormones wear off you can feel a bit sick and it affects your serotonin levels which is why you feel down and cry about it. It's a normal and healthy reaction, as it teaches your brain to recognise that what happened was potentially very serious and must be avoided in the future. This was a highly adaptive mechanism for our ancestors who would have had to learn to keep away from certain animals or people who weren't safe. It's a shit feeling - I've had it before - but allow yourself a chance to get over it and it'll pass.

If DH asks what you want him to about it tell him you want him to take over for the evening while you rest :)

Unfortunately it's the difference between men and women and how they react to things. Personally if my DF tells me i'm overreacting/ being unreasonable over something, it adds insult to injury (like he's telling me how to feel) ..then i get more upset by his attitude than the original thing! I hate being told how to feel. YANBU

Exactly the same happened to me. I went and shouted at my head of department and felt a lot better, why not try the same? It won't have been their fault but it's the kind of thing bosses are paid to put up with.