Am I being too sensitive?

[femalevictormeldrew]

Or is my MIL BU?

First of all I apologise that this is ANOTHER MIL thread. And I want to prefix this with saying that while I am overweight, I am not of elephant porportions. I am a about a size 20(may sound huge to some people but I don't look THAT bad) and am 5'8" so I don't look completely like a tellytubby. I have a very healthy diet, its just that I eat too much of it!

My issue lies, as I said, with my MIL. She is a very overbearing woman with strong opinions and a tendancy to tell people what to do, how to do it etc. This is why I ask this as I feel my judgement may be clouded.

On several occasions she has made comments about my weight - like all the rest of her comments they are not straight out insults, more like little digs. One evening we were eating chinese (which is a treat in this house) and she walked in. First words out of her mouth "Its not a bit wonder you're fat". When I was pregnant she said "XXX asked me were you starting to show and I said I didn't know because you are big anyway". I gave her an almost new coat that I didn't want. She said "You must have been an awful lot smaller when you bought this" (it didn't button on her either). And the most recent she said to my DD when we visited the other day "Me and your mother are going on a diet after Christmas". (First I heard of it). There is a lot more than that but I can't think of it at the moment.

Now she is about 16 stone and can't really afford to comment on my appearance. As I said she makes these comments in a way that if I answered back it would make me look petty and foolish. AIB too sensitive? I laugh them off but it is getting to the stage that I am starting to bite my tongue.

Thank you all so much for your replies. Sometimes when you are in the middle of something it is hard to judge whether you are either

a. being too sensitive
b. going slightly bonkers

I sometimes question whether it is me or her. I am so glad that you don't all think I am speaking like a spoiled brat. She is a hard woman to make out - I have endured endless amounts of sh1te from her and she has pulled stunts that most DIL's would have long exploded about. The overweight comments are just a section of it. I honestly don't think she has a problem with her own weight, she is quite content to tell people her weight if the subject comes up, whereas if it were me I would be . But I would think it is her way of niggling at me so I would find it hard to let her know that her comments upset me - they don't really, I end up more upset at myself for not saying anything to her. I think I will say something along the lines of "Do you realise you just said that out loud".

Thanks again to you all for taking the time to answer me - at least it makes me realise that I am not the hormone crazed wench of a DIL that I sometimes think I must be!

Campergirls is right, and so are you - don't let her know she's upset you - instead, give her the message that you are shocked and surprised at her rudeness - in a slightly nursery-school-teacher-ish way.

Your weight is irrelevant. Your MIL is rude and tactless at best and a spiteful bitch at worst.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

If 'It's no wonder you're fat' isn't a straight-out insult, then what is?

Id say these are insults, through in eveytime MIL can get a comment in,

Dam right rude

Id tell her to BOG OFF, cheeky woman

I just a thought of something you could say!

24 hrs later of course like all the witty retors thats happen in my head

Mil: blah blah you're fat.

You: Well DH like me as I am, but maybe that's because men always choose women with figures like their mothers?

WMil: blah blah you're fat.

You: Well DH like me as I am, but maybe that's because men always choose women with figures like their mothers"

OR if I said "well your I don't hear your son complaining about my love handles when we are going at it"

Wouldn't be long closing her mouth then!

YANBU.

My MIL used to do this to me - I'm a size 12 tops! She's a 16! I think she has some kind of dysmorphic thing going on.

I found the best thing was to just stop what I was doing when she made a comment, look genuinely puzzled and just say "I'm sorry but I don't know what you mean." She would then tie herself up in knots trying to find different ways of expressing how fat I was without saying "you're fat". I could keep a straight face doing this for 10 minutes or more, with me still saying "I'm sorry, I'm still not seeing your point here."

She actually doesn't do it anymore, I think we finally got to the stage where she found it uncomfortable.

What a cow!

That is just rude, but I love pawsnclaws idea and am going to steal it to use my self!!