to ask you wise parents how you have answered tricky question like....

[WannabeNigella]

Why does that lady have a mark on their face?
Why is that man so fat?
Why is that little girl black?
Why can't that man walk?

All totally innocent questions but I really want to have the right answer ready.

Any wise words from my fellow mumsnetters? So far I have gone with the "we're all different and that is what makes us all special" type thing but it's always been out of earshot of the person DS has spoken about.

Thank you!

dixie can i ask you which response do you prefer and which one would upset you?

I have a fairly obvious facial scar and personally i'm generally least offended as long as the parent makes some effort to tell the child to be polite about asking.... I don't mind children's curiosity but it does irritate me to see parents make no attempt to suggest a politer method of asking to the child than 'Wad's dat on yer face?'

I shit you not, that has happened to me more than once and the children in question who were old enough to know better weren't reprimanded at all. I don't even blink if a 3/4 year old asks me but an 8 year old asking like that?!

I always say "because everyone is different" sometimes with a longer explaination if necessary. Works a treat.

My 4 yr old DS is very inquisitive. He once asked me in the supermarket 'Why's that lady in a pram?' (i.e. wheelchair) I said 'her legs don't work very well' Yep you guessed it 'Why?' I said 'Some people are born with legs that don't work very well or some people have accidents which can stop their legs from working very well'.

The lady overheard us and and came over to explain why she was in a wheelchair - she was lovely and my DS ended up befriending her for the entire shopping trip and they were having races down the aisles!

At the weekend it was Daddy's turn 'Daddy, why has that man got a baby in his tummy'. I think my DH was slighty !!!!

Please ensure the person is actually out of earshot before you make comments, though...

I once had a mother point at me (in my wheelchair) and say to her daughter, "That's what happens if you don't look before you cross the road!" (What, you get fabulous hair? ) Actually, no, I'm in a wheelchair because I have a chronic pain disorder, but thank you for implying that it's my fault. I'm a human being, not a teaching aid.

If I'd been in my electric wheelchair I'd have been able to sternly approach her. As it was, I was in a manual and I was physically and emotionally exhausted before I was loudly insulted, never mind after. I just swore loudly and rang my Dad to have a good rant!

I've always used the "everybody is different" line, and it has worked reasonably well.

But dd1 put me in a flap once when we were in a (small!) lift, and another person got in. She spoke clearly into the lift-silence, "Mummy, is that a man or a woman?". And I truly didn't know

My DS seems to have stopped asking now, and when we see someone he deems as different he repeats the CBEEBIES programme, different, skin, different , same smile.

I did have an embarrasing moment once when there was a lady in a wheelchair in front of us in the queue. She dropped something and DS, 4 at the time said he'd pick it up for her, she then said thankyou. When she spoke DS exclaimed 'oh you can talk' In his defence I work in a special school, early years, and all my pupils in wheelchairs are non-verbal. I gently explained to DS not all people in wheelchairs are unable to talk, apologised to the lady and explained. Luckily she was fine, and was more pleased that he'd helped her as she said adults were the worst, they would just stand there gawping at her trying to do it herself.

I do believe honesty is the best way, op, the everyone is different mantra usually suffices.

Re birth mark. " that is a special mark that makes them special just like your mole, or that you (what ever they are good at)

for the next two because we are all made different. Everyone is special and we all look different.

The last one because his legs don't work as well as yours. He can get around better in the chair

'Why don't you ask her?' often does embarrass the child into shutting up - although it's a bit risky... My mother came out with that one when I was about 11 and realised some friends of hers who shared a house were both moving together 100 miles to another shared house. 'Are R & F lesbians, Mummy?' 'I don't know, would you like to ask them?' No, of course I ruddy well wouldn't, I was 11!