To no longer want to share my bed

[ReindeerBollocks]

With DF.

DF has renal failure (no working kidneys) and is very fidgety and constantly moves/gets up in the night.

It's never really bothered me, but he went away for four nights on business and I slept so well. I felt really rested despite running round after the DCs.

He is now home and I resent the fact that night times are going to be disturbed again (I slept on the sofa last night and feel shattered again today).

I absolutely adore DF and do everything I can to make his life easier, but AIBU that I no longer want to bed share with him?

And what are the alternatives? I am not talking separation as I love him to bits- I just want more sleep!

It's very tough not to have a full night's sleep. My Dad has renal failure and he's the same with lots of figeting and getting up in the night. My Mum finds it hard even though she doesn't have DC or anyone else to look after so can catch up a bit of sleep in the morning.

If you want to be in the same room could you sleep on two single divan beds pushed together, with a single duvet each? That way you won't feel him tossing and turning. My parents have a Tempur mattress, which I'm pretty sure is two single mattresses butted up together.

YANBU. I slept for years with earplugs.

Could you get a bigger bed base and put two separate single mattresses on top? You could get them at Ikea. That way you wouldn't be bounced around when DF fidgets or gets up in the night.

I fully understand. If you had two twin beds pushed together would that help? it would seem you're in the same bed but might wake you less - or is it the noise instead of the movement?

My DH snores like a horse and has a twitchy leg (when he is over tired). He literally shakes the bed with it which wakes me repeatedly. When its really bad I go and sleep in a different room. But I have been thinking about the two beds side by side option (doesn't rule out cuddles, etc).

I do think two single bed mattresses in one bed frame would help. Our apartment in Austria has a bed like this and neither of us ever wake up when the other does in the night because you don't get bounced around from mattress 'rebound'. Also two single duvets will help as again no movement felt when the other person leaves.

You might find that the noise of him moving and getting up alone might not be enough to wake you up - after all, lots of us can sleep through various noises, but it's the movement that I think is more disturbing.

D

Mathanxiety -DF is dear fiancé in this case.

I like the two single mattresses on a double bed idea. That way I'm still in the same room if he's really ill.

Will drag DF to ikea asap (and hopefully sofa sleeping will be a thing of the past).

Duh Thank you -- my brain is on strike today for some reason.

I didn't know either, was wondering if it was "dearest fucker" due to the sleepless nights

YANBU.
I don't want to share a bed any more, currently am sharing with DS because I "made a rod for my own back" and he is, anyway, easier to sleep with than DH. I want to go back to the situation we had in England where we each had our own room. Here there are only 2 bedrooms so perforce I have to share with one or the other - have tried getting DS to sleep in with DH but invariably he will wake at some time in the wee small hours and want to be taken to Mummy, which DH always does.

I don't even have a decent excuse for it, apart from being a light sleeper who needs to be actually tired to go to sleep, or to be able to read to sleep. Which is why I'm often on here at 3am.

Re. your two single mattresses on a double base idea - coudl be tricky. If you have a standard double, it is only 4'6" wide - you'll have trouble finding a 2'3" mattress, as most singles are either narrow ones, at 2'6" or wider at 3'.

Maybe you'd do better investing in a blow up bed - one of those posh self-inflating ones that comes up to normal bed height? Then you could be in the same room but different bed altogether - and if it got too much you could move it to the sitting room or elsewhere.

like this - comes in double or single size

We've got an Ikea bed, it has two mattresses and you can get an overlay to make it appear to be a large one. I didn't put that in the trolly and how glad I am now.
Mainly I don't get disturbed by DH and his twitching, jumping and jolting but tonight/this morning was different. He leapt out of bed, shouted about being sweaty and went to the drawers to get a clean t.shirt.
He was after changing the sheets too. I said no. We also have a single duvet each so there are no wars.

Two single beds pushed together sound like a great idea, or a king size bed frame with 2 twin mattress'. I'm relishing the idea of when we have a spare room to sleep in cause after 20 years, DH has develop a penchant for snoring and after it wakes me, I'm up for at least 3 hours and usually drift back to sleep about 30 minutes before DD wakes up. My uncle and his girlfriend sleep in separate rooms due to her work schedule as an on call nurse. BIL's in-laws have slept in separate beds in the same room for 15 years and they swear by it in terms of better sleep. Its not unusual, just maybe seems a little selfish but really, if you're not getting proper sleep, it will begin to manifest elsewhere in your relationship.

Try using two single quilts as well, absolutely brilliant.

I love sleeping in separate bedrooms now. It's only society norms that train us to think it's weird.

We spent years trying to sleep in the same bed but as we have an endless list of sleep problems that cropped up at different times, we were both miserable and stressed.

We are now much stronger as a couple for it, I think. If anything it improved our intimacy.

Plus I looooove having a super king bed all to myself!