To be pissed off with friends?(long)

[pink4ever]

I have been friends with a group of women for the last 3 years(all mummys). We have nights out maybe 3 times a year but also regularly meet up for coffee/softplay with kids.
I am always the one who instigates/organises our nights out. I dont mind this as will do anything for a night out!!
I found out via fb that 2 of the girls(whom I meet every week for coffee) are going on a night out this fri(I invited the both of them to a party last fri and 1 of them came).
It is not so much the fact that I havent been invited that has annoyed me but the fact that they have kept quiet about it. This happened before when 1 of them had a birthday night out and didnt invite me. Her dh let it slip and she became all flustered,gave him an evil look,went quiet for 10 mins and then invited me(when she felt she had too).
Sp AIBU to be a bit pissed off at this behaviour?

I getthe feeling they dont actually want to invite you to their events. Unfairly or not, its just how it seems. Do they have a closer friendship/known each other longer?

I would feel incredibly hurt - i can be pretty sensitive about stuff though.
If it were me i would feel paranoid that they didnt like me, and would probably stop seeing as much of them - unless i didnt really have anyone else to go out with...
in which case time to try and spread your wings a bit more -
But - as i say, this is from the view point of someone who is very sensitive about these things - so probably not the best advice!!!

In answer to your questions-Yes they are closer.Live nearer each other and have more in common.I am closer to one of the other girls and we meet up for lunch etc(but I always let the other girls know and ask if they want to come too.Dont keep it a secret.).
They asked me to organise the nights out(in fact jokingly call me the social secretary of the group!).
I dont mind if they dont want to invite me to every night out because I understand they have other friends(as do I!) but dont understand why all the secrecy? Also think it was a bit rude considering I invited them to a party recentlY(.
Thanks for the replies anyway!

Yeah that's really hurtful, have been in similar situation myself but with a bigger group so I justified it by thinking that well there were bound to be splinter groups, if you get my meaning.

You must be really hurt . . . I would be. Think you should try to make other friends and also maybe dont include the one who is excluding you so much. It's only going to make you resentful when she doesn't do the same.

They don't want to invite you, and they don't have to. Either accept it or move on. You're not 12, you don't have to do everything in a gang.

This sort of thing happens to me all the time. I stop making the effort, hence I have few friends.

Hurtful - yes
Rude - a bit but not necessarily, especially if they are closer to each other
but perhaps a bit more up-frontness at the beginning would have helped.

It's up to you whether or not you continue to invite them to other things than just your arranged nights out; and equally up to you whether or not you continue to arrange the nights out.

YANBU. You don't say how many people are in this group but I think this sort of thing is inevitable with group who are bought together due to circumstances (such as having a baby) rather than real friendship. It happened in my ante natal group. There were 5 of us and 2 of them sort of paired off. Went on shopping trips and nights out with their partners without inviting anyone else. I remember being slightly hurt as I was closer to these 2 than the others but in retrospect its just one of those things. Do you feel especially close to these women? I would look at the friendship quite hard before you decide on your next move. If You think you are close and genuinely don't understand it then you could ask one or both of them if you have done anything to offend them or however you want to put it. However, I would be inclined to just let it go and make friends else where. TBH I am not that close to anyone I knew from my DDs baby years. We are in touch by FB but thats about it.

Just remembered something similar happened to me another time but this was in a long standing group of friends. I hope this doesnt make me sound a total loser! Again it was 5 of us and 2 pairs formed leaving me alone as it were. It was all a bit odd but one day I met up with 2 of them. Spent the afternoon having coffee at their invitation. All fine and dandy. One left leaving the other behind. I remembered she'd mentioned she was going out that night and politely asked what she was doing just as part of the conversation. She became very flustered and said she was meeting the other person who had had coffee with us. So basically we had all sat together and neither had said a word about their plans, not even when they parted and would be meeting two hours later. I felt so hurt and humiliated as in my eyes they must have discussed how they weren't going to say anything. I even came on here to canvas opinion. It gave me the opportunity to really look at the 'friendship' and I pretty much dumped them there and then. I see them occasionally through other friends but thats it. One of them sometimes sends random messages to meet but I simply couldn't. I just felt so humiliated and betrayed. Of course I have moved on now and made much better friends. It's all part of learning. As they say some friends are here for a season and some for a reason and others are here to stay. Or something like that.

I think mum friends can be a bit fickle. I have been dumped by a few when I had another baby and they didn't. I think they wanted to go and do things which it wasnt as easy for me to do with a newborn. I am still a little sad about it as I was just dumped as I didn't fit in with their plans of adventurous days out!

Thanks for all the helpful replies. Yes they are closer and there dhs do get on ok. I totally understand and respect this.It is just they are sooooo obviously trying to keep it a secret from me and talking about it behind my back thats has hurt me.Not the fact that I am not invited.
Met them this morning for our regular coffee and again they didnt mention it. even though I brought up plans for the weekend? and yet they must know that I know because posted it on fb?.
Dont want to lose there friendship as they are actually really nice girls.You are right that they are perhaps not the type of people I would normally befriend IYSWIM and is only circumstances that brought us together and perhaps we will drift apart in future.

I'd feel the same, has happened to me a few times, never seems to happen to anyone else but clearly it does!

When I had this experience recently, the two women involved just stopped including me but then started to invite additional mutual friends. They would then still occasionally invite me out - they say things like we are all going, we've arranged cabs etc., if you want to meet us there it starts at 8pm (i.e., I wouldn't be included in the travel arrangements, things like that). If I said yes and went they would ignore me. If I said no they would tell all our other friends how mean I was not to accept their kind invitation and how I had hurt their feelings, I was a snob etc etc. BTW, the one time they did include me in the cab I ended up paying as they were too drunk and then they didn't remember to pay me back.

Who needs "friends" like these?! Just have to put it down to experience and move on.