To send DD away to ex with a empty suitcase for Christmas?

[reinitindear]

DD 11 is going to her Fathers for 4 days prior to Christmas he pays nothing towards her upbringing (business in his wife's name declares a pittance for a wage) sees her only 3 times a year but still feels he has the right to comment on the clothes I send her with. He and his wife who by the way they insist DD calls Mum are designer clad idiots people and I shop in places I can afford after my wages have paid all the rent, food, bills etc. So would it be unreasonable to either send an empty case or last years too small clothes?

Why not send an invoice to the OW's company for the amoutn you're owed?

And, as it's DD's idea, go for it - you could even have fun together in the charity shops buying a load of "old lady" stuff like pleated skirts, pussybow blouses etc. She can always hide a spare outfit of proper clothes in the rucksack of "toys" she takes to amuse herself

I would ask your dd if she is happy to call her mum (sound like it would be a no!) and tell her that it is ok to tell them that she is not happy doing it and ask to call her something else.

Do it as open ended as possible though, as there is a tiny possibility that she doesnt mind doing it (some kids find it embarrassing to say 'dad and ...').

Thank you for all your replies I should have mentioned that it was her idea. I love your suggestion purple and a trip to the charity shops could be in order .We have tackled the Mum problem previously but DD finds it easier than her Dad being sulky and moody he is a nob of the highest order sometimes and she says it is only a few times a year and she know I am her only Mum that matters bless her. We were pondering the whole suitcase meant for charity shop thing but I guess I should just do what I always do and send her with her best stuff to save any awkwardness it might cause her. It is easy for her to be brave at home but I would hate for her to lose her nerve halfway up the A1.

Poor love.

These things make me sooooo angry and my xh is the same - a knob of the first order.

Amazing how he can afford to sit smoking and drinking whisky during webcam sessions with littleding but he has no money at all to pay maintenence.

However I did want to say congratulations on raising such a well adjusted young lady as your DD sounds under the circumstances. You must be proud she's s together.

Thank you ding dong. I agree with the growly face. My ex has a lovely house, latest gadgets foreign holidays the lot but pleads pverty with the CSA. But DD knows all this and I am very honest about the fact that he doesn't contribute.

I feel your pain. It did cross my mind to send mine to their father without shoes.My dcw would think it was a great adventure.I probably won't have the nerve though.

my dcs!

Have to agree it's awful that the new wife is making DD call her Mum. Especially as they hardly see her.

My DSD asked me if she should/could call me mum - I said I was very flattered, and it would be lovely, but it might upset her mum! So she just calls me by my name.