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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have changed my mind and now agree with DS ?(nativity one I'm afraid).

26 replies

mumbar · 15/12/2010 11:35

I have been to DS Nativity this morning which was fabulous as always.

The past week or so DS has been complaining all the children in year 2 have a part but him and a few others don't. I have been disagreeing with him telling him it can't be true.

Its an Infant school, 2 classes per year. The other years about 5 children from each year have had a bigger part and about 8 children from yr 2 have been narrators. The others all sit at the front and are the singers.

Today when I arrived yr R & 1 are sat in the front in Santa hats facing the audience, the narrators are on a bench in front as usual. The yr 2's were at the side. As the play progressed the yr 2 children all went to the front when it was their turn. Mary, Joseph, Kings, shepherds, carol singers, lantern holders, Santa etc. DS and 5 others were all playing bells for Santas song.

When they did their part, they remained at the side so never in front of the parents where they could be seen. They never went in front of the audience at all during the whole play. This has been whats DS has been saying the whole time.

Now I am totally understanding of the fact not all children can do something 'bigger'. BUT, they were the only 6 children in the whole school who didn't go to the front.

I will add that DS and the other 5 yr 2's are figgety so can understand the need for them to be near a teacher when not their turn, although one can't help thinking if they could see what was going on it would have held their attention a little longer.

So, AIBU to think DS is right and this is a little unfair.

OP posts:

Original poster

mumbar · 15/12/2010 11:50

................

I am willing to be told I am.

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Original poster

mumbar · 15/12/2010 12:56

bumping - really want to know before I see DS tonight. Gauge my level of sympathy for him.

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curlymama · 15/12/2010 12:59

YANBU, but you are right to stick with the line you have already taken with ds.

It is unfair that a few children don't get to be centre stage at least for a minute. Bad planning by the teachers.

Original poster

mumbar · 15/12/2010 13:04

thanks, I feel so guilty for almost dismissing his feelings. Obviously being 6 yo he is known to exagerate every now and then.

For me it was just bad management. No reason why these 6 couldn't have moved 5 meters rang their bells to the audience and returned to where they were sat.

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Original poster

mumbar · 15/12/2010 16:22

Picked DS up from school today, he asked if I liked the nativity. I said yes and he was very good at the bells and the singing.

His reply 'see I told you I didn't get to go at the front'.

Cue my reassuring him how great he was.

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herbietea · 15/12/2010 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Adair · 15/12/2010 16:34

"I know, you were right it was a shame, wasn't it? Maybe next time you'll be something else. Anyway I liked your bells - they were very loud! "

Original poster

mumbar · 15/12/2010 16:49

I know, I'm being so positive but he really won't let it go is put out by this.

I empathise with him, I do, but like you say there really isn't much I can do, short of ringing the school and asking if tomorrows performance he could go up front. I would sound like some crazy loon, pushy, PFB Mum. Not a good look.

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ConnorTraceptive · 15/12/2010 16:56

YANBU and I think it was a bit thoughtless of the teachers to not give everyone a chance to be up front as it were. DS's school play was MASSIVE this year combining 3 year groups with two glass's in each year group but every child got a few minutes up on the stage dancing/singing even if they didn't have an individual part

Hulababy · 15/12/2010 17:00

YANBU.

I work in an infant school and we have just done our Y1 assembly - 90 children over 3 years. All children did something, be it a part, a dancer, solo singer, narrator or band. But all got to perform on stage or in front of the stage at some point.

Infact duing the rehearsal at the play venue on Monday we made some changes as realised that a few children couldn't be seen a lot of the time from various places in the audience, so we decided to have them stand up during songs at the side if not on stage, and for the final two songs to have all children standing at the front. It was really important to me to make sure all children were visible and seen to be a proper part of the play as I know as a parent how important it is to see your own child - that is the reason you go after all.

Hulababy · 15/12/2010 17:02

You could get DS to ask the teacher why his group never get to be at the front - see if the teachers have a decent answer.

Original poster

mumbar · 15/12/2010 17:09

Hulababy Thats not a bad idea.

Last week at an art exhibition the school held, DS said to me in earshot of the HT he didn't have a part. I then said about only a few people having bigger parts, everybody was singing and how important that was. The next day DS came home saying he had been asked to play the bells with these other children. He was so pleased, until he realised he still was at the side.

When I went to see the play today, YR 1 day as I can't make tomorrow, the HT said to me, DS is this side, there weren't many chairs left and she seemed keen for me to be on the side.

Perhaps they realised I would only get to see him if I sat on the end of the row at the side.

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PortlyBlackSantaUpAChimney · 15/12/2010 17:16

Years 3-6 put on a play recently at DSs school. THey were all given a big or biggish (equal iyswim) part and most got to say a line.

It was chronic and the pauses lasted forever as the shifted about set and jostled for position.

PortlyBlackSantaUpAChimney · 15/12/2010 17:16

Nice for them though obv....just erm....dragged on a bit. Mainlining some some mulled wine might have helped.

Original poster

mumbar · 15/12/2010 17:35

Oh mulled wine

I actually thought they would all be up front as usual and about 30 pupils from the whole school (180) would have a bigger 'part' or role - like DS bells.

DS upset is due to the fact he feels he was hidden away. He says he'd rather sit up front with yr R & 1, at least he'd get seen like everyone else.

He not a very confident lad anyway and he always takes it that he's done something wrong

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Original poster

mumbar · 15/12/2010 19:48

More tears tonight at bedtime. DS says they've filmed the nativity and that I won't want to buy it as he's not in it.

I asked if they filmed it without the audience there so you could see him. He said 'no'. And it won't be a good dvd to have as he's not in it.

I am saying all the right and positive things but I'm becoming that the school have made him feel this way.

I have however taken hulas suggestion and told him to ask his teacher if he'll be in the dvd as he didn't go to the front as its a lot of money to spend if he's not in it.

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Adair · 15/12/2010 20:33

Oh gosh, if he is brooding like this then he needs to say something really (like wear you said in your 17:35 post). Agree maybe the teacher hasn't even considered the sight-lines and maybe doesn't realise how important it is for him to be SEEN anyway...

Good luck!

Adair · 15/12/2010 20:34

(PS it might not actually change anything, but I think your son would feel better if he knew the teacher knew how he felt iykwim)

Original poster

mumbar · 15/12/2010 20:40

Thanks, yes I've said for him to tell her - but he's 'I can't do that!'.

It wouldn't be a problem for me to buy the dvd but it will always remind him that you can see 174/180 infront of the audience - and one of those was not him.

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leeloo1 · 15/12/2010 22:28

I think that the teacher may feel he is being rude and it'd be better for you to ask that (if you'll get the chance to when you drop him off at school) - If she/he is cross with him or brushes him off then he'll just feel worse.

If you can't talk to the teacher before the performance, then I'd ring the head tomorrow (and I say this as an ex-teacher), tell her how upset DS is that everyone else can be seen by the audience except him and his 5 fellow bell ringers and that having seen the play you can see his point. Tell her/him that you would be very grateful/it would be fairer if DS+5 could sit on stage with other years or come to the front for their bell ringing.

If DS is this upset I think you should try to fix it for the last performance. :)

dexifehatz · 15/12/2010 22:36

At my sons Nativity,kids with music parts or narration parts did a little dance on stage at the end of the play.Only a few seconds to wave and mouth 'Hello' to their rellies,but you could tell that they were really pleased to be seen!

Original poster

mumbar · 15/12/2010 22:46

leeloo - good point. I don't drop DS off at school, but could ring in the morning.

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leeloo1 · 16/12/2010 21:20

:) Did you manage to call? Hope it got sorted out and you have a happier DS. :)

ChippingIn · 16/12/2010 21:26

That's really unfair to have almost all of the children on stage and only leave out a handful - you really wonder what is going on in some teachers adults heads??

Did you call the school at all?

Maybe there is something really important that needs to be read out in assembly or something before the end of year that he could be asked to do.

MumBarTheDoorSantaUsesChimneys · 17/12/2010 20:17

He was OK in the morning looking forward to the show again. I didn't get to call as got to my school and found out one of our pupils had died during the night. By the time I went to call it had started.

Luckily all my positive reinforcement about how great he was at bell ringing had had an effect by the morning, he didn't mention being at the side again when he got home that day. He had had his afterschool club xmas party by then and so was exitied high on sugar! from that.

Thanks for all the replies its good to know IANBU and all PFB.

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