To think this is a nice present?

[ClareNasir]

OK, so a bit of background... my SIL lives in a different country to us. She hasn't had a job in ages and lives very hand-to-mouth. I know that she is flat broke and doesn't have any money for Christmas. She's single and lives on her own. She also suffers from depression which seems to be as a result of her circumstances.

Compared to her, we are quite well-off.

I was going to get her a hamper for Christmas, with lots of Christmas goodies in it. Unfortunately, the shop that I was ordering the hamper through cancelled our order as they are too busy. I have had a look on other sites, but couldn't find anything that I thought suitable (I want to include a few bottles of wine).

Anyway, one of the major supermarkets does this 'create your own hamper' thing, so I chose the hamper and all the things to go with it, and only at that point did I realise that they don't build the hamper for you, they basically send you all the stuff and you do it yourself. Obviously it's going straight to her, so we can't do this.

So, basically, if I order from this shop, all she is going to get is 3 or 4 bags of shopping. Is this really patronising? I don't want her to feel bad, it's just that she doesn't have a lot of money and I thought it would be nice to send her some nice wine and treats, chocolates, cheese board, etc.

My DH thinks it's a horrible idea and that it is a bit like 'feeding the homeless'. What does everyone here think? I really do not want to upset her.

Thanks.

[thisisyesterday]

yeah i would, sorry :(

it just isn't the same as a hamper. hmm

def worth calling the store though! i am sure they'll be super busy, but you might be able to get them to pack it into a cardboard box and tie a bow round it or something??? i don't know really

[BonniePrinceBilly]

yes if you call the shop and explain they might be able to do something for you to make it prettier.

[StarExpat]

Why does it matter how it looks? Are people that hung up on it being sparkly and wrapped up? She's put boatloads of thought into this!

[thisisyesterday]

have you looked here?

and yes, i do think it matters how it looks actually. otherwise why would any of us bother wrapping anytjhing up?

[thisisyesterday]

or here?

[tiredfeet]

Think its a lovely idea OP, you are obviously putting some real thought into what she would like. Your msg sounds perfect.

[drfayray]

If you are getting the shopping from an Aus supermarket, you can ask for the green bags. Some of the supermarkets are doing the green bags in festive colours (green for environment not just the colour). There are Simpson's ones too. That way, the bags can be reused by your SIL. They will look festive and not so utilitarian.

I think you are doing a lovely thing. I would be grateful for the gift and I would not see it as just shopping but as a thoughtful and kind gift of yummy things for the holidays.

You are just lovely OP.

[theevildead2]

Clarenasir, I think the majority are on your side one or 2 people seem to have got Xmas spirit confused with Xmas wrapping which makes me a bit sad. listen to the rest of us and just send the shopping! :)


Also I live abroad and what many peole here might not realise is that when you don't live in the same country as your gift's recipients its a right pain in the ass sending wrapped items! As you SIL will well know!

[pepperonipizza]

Yep, lovely pressie. I wouldn't care about the bags. Having returned from Sydney a few months ago, I know that I would have been so happy to think that somebody had gone to the trouble of looking up a supermarket nearby and placing an order. It's not as easy as you'd think in Australia where websites are terrible, on the whole (Internet shopping has not taken off there yet and there is no amazon.com.au?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 !! That gives you an idea of the web in Australia!).

Lovely idea and I think she'll love it. Well done OP.

[PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice]

What on earth is the difference between a hamper with stuff in and the same stuff in a carrier bag - its not as if the OP is going to send her sister the usual frugal weekly shop she would do, including own brand bog roll etc - it will still be a nice surprise unpacking things when you dont know what has been ordered - not at all like unpacking your own shopping

OP is splashing out on the treats her sister cannot afford to get for herself, i think its lovely.

we have made DH aunt a mini hamper of tea bags, jams and marmalade and cookies - she could buy similar in tesco herslef, she has plenty of money, but in this case, WE are treating her to a few little luxuries she will enjoy

OP - do it, fab idea!

[Rev084]

Send it to me if she doesn't want it, I'm pregnant with a 2yr old and my husband is working away so I'm left with the responsibility of organising everything for xmas alone. (And I can't be ar**d)

Its nice to be thought of over xmas, especially if she is on her own, she might not bother with celebrating otherwise. Doesn't matter about the presentation.

Sounds like you're a very thoughtful SIL and I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

I did a xmas hamper for my parents last yr, I included a few things from Fortnum & Mason, they deliver abroad but probably too late now. I would include a cake or panettone, but depends on her taste.

You should hurry up though, xmas is fast approaching and if its supermarket, delivery slots run out fast!!

[XmascarolOfFact]

It sounds lovely to me. DP got me a 'hamper' for my birthday, except it was actually a load of things chucked in a Bag for Life - he'd chosen the things he knew I loved but couldn't usually justify the cost of, and it was bloody marvellous. We breakfasted like kings. A true indulgence.

The actual hamper is just for presentation, it's a pointless waste of space otherwise.

[StarExpat]

We wrap things up when it's possible for nice presentation but IMO it most certainly shouldn't be considered necessary, thisisyesterday.

It would be extremely ungrateful to turn your nose up at a gift because it wasn't presented with wrapping paper or a basket

[ClareNasir]

Actually Morloth, I thought I had misread your message. That is an incredibly generous offer, I really am speechless! Thank you so much for offering, although I couldn't possibly accept. Although SIL lives in Sydney, she is in the middle of nowhere. Thanks anyway, you are very kind.

[StarExpat]

I meant to add - regardless of how much money the giver or receiver has.

[thisisyesterday]

and where did i say i would "turn my nose" up at it starexpat?

i said i'd be a bit disappointed. there's a big difference

[StarExpat]

Ok, sorry - I shouldn't have used the words "turn your nose up" :)

I wouldn't be a bit disappointed. I was brought up to be appreciative of gifts that people give to you and to thoughtfully give to others.

I'm just really that someone would say they would be a bit disappointed with a gift that is not wrapped nicely in paper or in a basket or whatever. But hey, you see something new every day!

Very sorry that I used the wrong words.

[thisisyesterday]

oh i'm sure i would still be very grateful for the gifts and the thoughtfulness of what had gone into it

i guess i am just thinking that if a hamper arrives a few days before christmas then you can keep it and open it on the day like a big present (assuming nothing needs refrigerating)

whereas it could be a bit disappointed to just have a guy turn up with 4 carrier bags of stuff a few days before christmas iyswim?

[warthog]

i would phone her first and explain. see what the vibes are.

[StarExpat]

thisisyesterday - I can totally see your POV that it's not a lovely big surprise to put under the tree/away and open up on christmas day.

However, if you knew that the giver had difficulty finding an actual hamper and had looked all day for one but decided she still wanted you to have the contents of it, so sent it the only way that she could figure out to do so from a different country...wouldn't that make it even more special? That someone put so much time and thought into something for you to enjoy at christmas, even if it wasn't wrapped? Wouldn't this erase that "disappointment"?

[EmmaBemma]

I would be delighted! Four whole bags of Christmas treats? Some people here need to get a grip.

[StarExpat]

Yes, EmmaBemma, that is how I would see it! 4 bags of xmas treats. Who cares what they are packaged in?

I think most adults would feel this way... maybe a teenager or young uni student or a child might be upset that they don't have something to open up, but an adult...

[Timeforanap]

I understand your dilemma, as a hamper is a traditional thing to give at Christmas so doesn't look like charity. Still think it's worth doing, though, especially if you add in Christmassy bits.

The only thing that concerns me is, does your DH know your SIL will be offended? I do the thinking and shopping for my in-laws presents, but if DH gave a strong negative about something I would think twice. And perhaps suggest he took over on that one?

[Piggles]

I have a cousin who brings a bag of 'fancy shopping' round to all our older relatives before Christmas - nuts, chocs, bubbly, biscuits, cake, cheese etc. She doesn't wrap it up fancy - its just in the Sainsbury carrier bags but every single person is pleased to receive her offerings and I'm pretty sure they'd all be very sad if she stopped doing it.

So as far as most people are concerned I think the basket and fancy packaging is pretty irrelevant.

[StarExpat]