To think this is a nice present?

[ClareNasir]

OK, so a bit of background... my SIL lives in a different country to us. She hasn't had a job in ages and lives very hand-to-mouth. I know that she is flat broke and doesn't have any money for Christmas. She's single and lives on her own. She also suffers from depression which seems to be as a result of her circumstances.

Compared to her, we are quite well-off.

I was going to get her a hamper for Christmas, with lots of Christmas goodies in it. Unfortunately, the shop that I was ordering the hamper through cancelled our order as they are too busy. I have had a look on other sites, but couldn't find anything that I thought suitable (I want to include a few bottles of wine).

Anyway, one of the major supermarkets does this 'create your own hamper' thing, so I chose the hamper and all the things to go with it, and only at that point did I realise that they don't build the hamper for you, they basically send you all the stuff and you do it yourself. Obviously it's going straight to her, so we can't do this.

So, basically, if I order from this shop, all she is going to get is 3 or 4 bags of shopping. Is this really patronising? I don't want her to feel bad, it's just that she doesn't have a lot of money and I thought it would be nice to send her some nice wine and treats, chocolates, cheese board, etc.

My DH thinks it's a horrible idea and that it is a bit like 'feeding the homeless'. What does everyone here think? I really do not want to upset her.

Thanks.

[LoudRowdyDuck]

I think it sounds lovely, esp. with the poinsettia! I would be thrilled, really nice idea.

Probably a good idea to warn her they didn't do hampers to pack it into, just to get her into the right frame of mind, but it sounds very thoughtful and lovely.

If she doesn't want it, I'll have it!

[classydiva]

For the record, I don't quite get what stops a single, presumably not very old woman, getting a job and standing on her own two feet. If she's from the UK in the first place why can't she come home and sort herself out. I have a SIL rather like this who went from these circs. to three children!The tragedy was no-one ever told her to sort herself out.

Do you have any idea what depression is like at all? Have some compassion.

[DitaVonCheese]

Aw Morloth :)

[classydiva]

To be fair, surely something she couldnt afford for herself be nicer, like new underwear, or nice sleep wear?

[BlathIceSkate]

I love hampers! We do OK money wise and I still tell my Mum that's what I would like for Christmas whenever she asks. I love opening them :)

Me and another friend have clubbed together for the last 2 years running and organised a hamper for one of our best friends - full of special Christmas food for her and her family. They are struggling financially and she has recently been diagnosed as bi-polar and we thought it might be more useful than more toys, books and smellies for her, her Dh and the DS's. She absolutely loved it We'd included a load of basics and a few luxury items and a couple of bottles on wine and she said it was the best Christmas present she could have got. It took the stress off her to provide Christmas lunch and they got a few treats she never would have had otherwise.

I think people who have suggested that you mail her and say "I tried to get you a hamper but it fell through and the replacement is a bit more DIY" have got it right. I'm sure however it arrives it will be appreciated. Lovely idea.

I hope the poster who thinks she should "sort herself out" never has to deal with depression. It can be totally debilitating and if those around her have such little compassion and empathy, she would really struggle.

[ALeo]

I've just checked and Amazon do food hampers. Would that solve the problem?

[HelenaRose]

classydiva - thanks for saying it!

My sister has bought me a Sainsbury's order for the last few Christmasses and I'm really, really hoping she does the same this year. My partner and I both have depression and we're really struggling with money right now. A load of delicious food would be like a godsend.

OP, it's a great idea and it's not patronising.

[ShoppingDays]

But it's a bit like saying "I'm not going to get you a nicely-presented present - it doesn't matter because you're poor, whereas for anyone else I'd feel the need to put it in a hamper".

[BlathIceSkate]

ShoppingDays, that's exactly what she's not saying. She's trying very hard to send a proper, pretty hamper, all wrapped up and special but finding that it can't be done. What she's asking is, should she send the food anyway? Still the same idea just without the box/basket it come in.

The money saved on not buying the pretty box could go on more lovely food too which is probably of far more use to the OP's SIL

[theevildead2]

Shoppingdays and oncmai, how rude!

The OP wants to do something lovely for her sister CANT get her a hamper and wants to give her a nice xmas. I'd prefer a nice xmas with the trimmings to a present like pants or smellies.


Op just explain about the hamper like everyone else has! I think its really kind. Tell DH to just listen to mumsnets your better judgment

[TrillianAstra]

"I tried to get you a hamper but the shop cancelled on me, so I've got you lots of loevly hamper-y things. Only trouble is, they won't be in an actual hamper. Hope you don't mind, love Clare"

[mumto2andnomore]

I think its a lovely idea, especially if it includes Christmas goodies she wouldnt necessarily buy herself.

[JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube]

ClareNasir could you contact her local branch of that supermarket direct, and see if they'll spread a bit of festive cheer by tarting the bags up a bit?

[monkeyflippers]

onceamai - wow you are completely clueless about . . . well everything! People like you make me want to puke!

I think the hamper idea is lovely. Such a shame you can't get it all put in a hamper already. I would get one without the wine that is ready made up (is that possible?) The wine might not be a good idea anyway is she is depressed. She may be on antidepressants which the wine wouldn't mix well with. Also getting pissed won't help in the short or long run.

[foggyfig]

What state is your sil in?

hampercreations.com.au/hampers-budget.php

The one below is in WA,

www.gifts2thedoor.com.au

[ClareNasir]

OK, so I think I'll do this. I'll order it then send her this message (thanks TrillianAstra!):

"I tried to get you a hamper but the shop cancelled on me, so I've got you lots of lovely hamper-y things. Only trouble is, they won't be in an actual hamper. Hope you don't mind, love Clare."

So, this is what I am ordering:

• 1 bottle of red
  
• 1 bottle of white
  
• 1 bottle of sparkling
  
• Hoummous
  
• Salsa
  
• Corn chips
  
• Olives
  
• Mince pies
  
• Water crackers
  
• Mini toast biscuits
  
• Cheese platter
  
• Savoury nuts
  
• Terry's chocolate orange
  
• Homer Simpson pretzels in a tin (she likes HS)
  
• Create a gingerbread man kit
  
• Candy canes
  
• Chocolate figures
  
• Gold chocolate coin
  
• Poinsettia.
  

How does that sound?

Can I just add, my SIL is such a lovely person. She looks after orphaned kangaroos and wallabies (unpaid), she does voluntary work at the local vets and she has never asked anybody for anything. Ever. She absolutely does not deserve the criticism levelled at her by someone here earlier.

[LoudRowdyDuck]

I think that sounds great. It's clearly not intended as 'bags of shopping' - you've got the right balance of frivolous things in there, so it will be clear you intended it as a treat.

I think your SIL is very lucky to have you.

[theevildead2]

I would add a main dish to that but otherise it is lovely!

ham/turkey crown or if she is veg Quorn roast. and some ready to roast veg

[HarkTheTragicalyHipHeraldAngel]

looks yummy and I'm sure she will love it!

[StarExpat]

Oh yes, I'd be tempted to add a main dish as well :)

I think this sounds lovely.

People who say this wouldn't be a nice present are a bit rude, IMO.
Who cares if it's not dressed up in a hamper? It's the same stuff and you've thought of her and are giving her something she'll enjoy. Wonderful idea :)

[TrillianAstra]

Mmmm, I would be very happy to have that turn up, even if it was in Asda carrier bags.

[ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight]

It all sounds lovely and I am sure she will love it. The message strikes just the right note imho.