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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my mum trying, in a round about way, to not invite me?

28 replies

timperleysunset · 14/12/2010 22:31

There's an event in January. My mum emailed everyone the details a while ago, but didn't email me claiming she didn't have my address (I'm sure she does as she's emailed me before, but I suppose she could've lost it).

I gave her my address, and reminded her twice and she eventually emailed me. But told me not to go as it wasn't important and no one else would probably be going.

Have found out the world and his dog are going.

It feels like she is trying to talk me out of going.

She sent out official invitations last week inside Xmas cards. I know because I saw one at my sisters house on Saturday. I have not received either Xmas card or invitation.

She doesn't want me to go, does she?

OP posts:
magicmummy1 · 14/12/2010 22:33

Could you ask her?

BTW, like your username. Have fond connections to Timperley.

defineme · 14/12/2010 22:34

It's a bit odd. Is she odd in general? Have you 2 got a 'history'?

maddy68 · 14/12/2010 22:34

doesn't sound like it tbf :(

doozle · 14/12/2010 22:34

Is there any reason you can think of that she wouldn't want you to go? I'd just come right out and ask her tbh.

cat64 · 14/12/2010 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Plumm · 14/12/2010 22:35

Can you speak to your sister and to see if your mun's said anything to her?

Original poster
timperleysunset · 14/12/2010 22:36

I don't want to ask her. She won't give a straight answer. She's complicated.

OP posts:
ItsKurriiiistmas · 14/12/2010 22:36

Do you have any reason to think she wouldn't want you to go? - I mean do you get on with her usually, has she left you out of things before? - can you ask your sister what she thinks is going on. (It's possible your card has been delayed in the post maybe)

melezka · 14/12/2010 22:38

Can you ask your sister? Anyone else?

It's not sounding good thoufg is it? Sad

Original poster
timperleysunset · 14/12/2010 22:42

Cat64 - I think an official invite may be needed. It's an official event (hard to explain without telling you what it is but similar to a graduation). And anyway if that's the case she wouldn't have sent my sister an invite either.

We don't had a 'history' as such but she is weird in general and often does/says random hurtful things for no apparent reason.

I can not be bothered to speak to her about it (not in a lazy way, in a 'I don't have the emotional energy to cope with it' way).

OP posts:
2rebecca · 14/12/2010 23:28

It does sound as though she doesn't want you there or isn't bothered about you going. I'd be inclined to give it a miss unless you're really desperate to go.
It sounds a strange relationship if you can't talk to her so maybe she feels you aren't that close, although lots of people seem to be unable to talk like adults to their parents yet still claim to be a "close" family.
To me if I'm close to someone I can talk to someone without tiptoeing round them or worrying what they'll think of me as we know each other.

MumNWLondon · 14/12/2010 23:41

Sounds like she isn't keen for you to go, but I guess it depends on whether you want to go under these circumstances.

If its your mum's event, and lots of people going including your sister and other more distant friends etc YABU and you should ask straight out - including why she didn't send you official invite.

Or just decide you want to go regardless?

Plumm · 14/12/2010 23:43

If you need an official invite and she hasn't sent you one, then you've got your answer.

ccpccp · 15/12/2010 10:07

Plumm summed it up.

Step away, take no interest, dont ask how the gathering went. Its the only way to deal with these kind of slights, and it will annoy the hell out of her if shes taking any weird satisfaction from not inviting you.

libelulle · 15/12/2010 12:04

If it were me I'd be on the phone with 'do you have any idea how hurtful it is that you want my sister, the world and their dog at your special event but are deliberately leaving me out? How is that any way to treat your own daughter?' But then if you could say things like that to her she probably wouldn't have put you in this position in the first place :(

Of course YANBU, what a nasty thing to do to you. I think ccpccp has the answer if she really will gain satisfaction from leaving you out, but I'd still find a way of getting someone (your sister?) to point out just how fucked up you'd have to be to treat your daughter that way!

theevildead2 · 15/12/2010 12:34

TBH it does sound like she's trying to aviod you going. I'd say fuck it an not bother, you won't enjoy going if you aren't wanted. Make sure she isn't telling people you chose not to go though!

Avoidingargosthischristmas · 15/12/2010 12:41

Do not regret invitations you have not received.

Easier said than done I know but I find it works pretty well for me.

My Mum can be hard work too .

AuntiePickleBottom · 15/12/2010 12:43

has your sister got children?

merrycompo · 15/12/2010 12:44

I agree don't ask any more aout it
an event like a graduation will be boring in the extreme
don't send a card, don't invite her to yours at xmas
she'll get the message

MistyB · 15/12/2010 12:54

Could you talk to your sister about how you feel and ask her to speak to your Mum?

2rebecca · 15/12/2010 21:12

Agree with merrycompo.

newwave · 15/12/2010 22:28

Reduce all contact with here to a bare minimum, if she phones cut the call short (someone at the door etc), refuse other invites, dont invite her to yours and then wait for a reaction,

I would rather be told I wasn't invited and a reason why than be bullshited

2rebecca · 15/12/2010 22:44

She might not react if she isn't bothered about the OP attending stuff though. I would cut contact, but to protect myself from being hurt by her, not because I expect some sort of reaction. That's just sulking.

newwave · 15/12/2010 22:56

And what is wrong with sulking :o

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 15/12/2010 22:59

She doesn't want you there but I would be itching to know why. Although if there is a long history of random hurtful behaviour I would probably think "fuckit, not again" and let it go as well.

And yes, I think if someone that close to me in family chooses to exclude me from something that everyone else is going to, I'd be inclined to "sulk" for a while and not contact her as well!