to ask pil outright why they wont come and see us?

[ditavonteesed]

they havent been for 2 years, they go and stay with sil all the time which involves getting a plane, they had a go at dh yesterday for not going to see them. We try and go and see them a few times a year but they never come here, both dc are severly car sick so to go and see them we have to give them phenergan which I dont like, they have no ties. They dont want to stay at our house and e-never have done but I dont know why so in a minute I am going to phone them and ask, inn a nice way, say whatever the problemn is i will fix it but I would like them to come and see us, the dc m iss them and dh finds it upsetting. I have had enough of letting things upset us. AIBU?

No, YANBU.

YANBU at all

Did something happen two years ago that stopped them?
It does seem rather strange that they will go on a plane to see their other child, but not come to you.
Hope you sort it out. Tis my dream by the way that my IL's stay away and don't phone, I know it isn't right but I loathe them so much my hands are sweating as I type this.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all to ask, but why doesn't your DH do it? If he's also upset by their actions, surely he should be talking to his parents to find out what's going on?

good idea.

but you must have some idea if they used to visit and now don't?

Good idea & good luck!

I think your DH should ask them but if he doesn't feel up to it then YANBU to ask.

YANBU. It's a shame if things don't change and if they are to change for the better, it will probably take a confrontation of sorts. You certainly don't need to make it hostile, but just specifically direct.

Best of luck.

did it, fil just said he is rubbish and doesnt get things organised and will do so in the new year. quite proud of myself now.

YANBU. Of course it should be their son's responsibility to sort this out. But, clearly, that's not going to happen.

We had a similar situation with my ILs, and it wasn't until I spoke to them, and pushed hard for a proper answer that we discovered that we had done something to offend them. Unfortunately they felt they had dealt with it by discussing it with their dd, and then being cold and avoidant with us. When I asked why they hadn't discussed it with us, their response was "That's not our way."

But if you don't discuss it with the people who did it, how can you get the true story (obviously SIL didn't know the truth either, and told them something completely wrong and unhelpful) and how can those who caused offence make amends?

Aaaargh!

Problem mostly sorted, now, as a result of what they saw as my anti-social, un-mannerly, pushiness.

Cross-posted!

Well done for phoning. But, call me a cynic if you will, I'm not convinced. If he's rubbish at getting organised, how does he manage to organise plane trips?

Sorry, but I think that was just a brush-off.

Cross-posted!

Well done for phoning. But, call me a cynic if you will, I'm not convinced. If he's rubbish at getting organised, how does he manage to organise plane trips?

Sorry, but I think that was just a brush-off.

(Oops)

Rubbish-as in can´t get in the carto drive to you?

Sounds like a brush off.

We are abroad & ILs have never been-more than 10yrs!

Hooray for me-although husband is an only one & we consequently have the only children who obviously aren´t worth the effort.

I think we get lots of visitors because we live by the sea - it's a bit of a holiday.
If the plane to your SIL's is quite a nice destination, that could be what's going on there rather than any kind of favouritism.

I think it could be a brush off as well, but give FIL the benefit of the doubt for now.

Hopefully he was genuine and will come to visit you soon.

I think you are probably right tbh, I have tried to ring again to ask if either of them has a camera phone so I can send them pics of dc xmas concerts and they didnt answer (know they have caller id and they are in), just left a message. have posted massive heavy books to them for xmas (they are going to stay with sil) MIL told dh she had stockings for dc and how was he going to get them yesterday. grrr. I dont know why I let other people upset me, it is obvious that they like sil better as she is successful and has lots of money and land and they like her boyfriend as he is a millionaire and his family, should just let that be their problem. If they cant be bothered to see their grandchildren then that is their loss, and dsil is getting married next year and I am only going to get more annoyed as if they have children they will be doted on.
sorry for the rant but feel a bit better for getting that out.