To take a picture of DD1's

[funkingcart]

absolute shithole of a bedroom and post said pic on FB?

The rest of the house is now done.

Do I

a - go and tidy her room

b - sit down with a coffee and a bun

MN jury do your worst

Do it with her, so you can show her how to do it to a basic standard. DD2 does hers every morning now it takes 5-10 minutes.

You

c - get her to go and do it and ignore the tantrums while you sit down with coffee/bun

I couldn't ignore the mess, it'd do my nut in.

I've just given my DD 10 mins of tidying, it's very quiet up there though...

BL - I did it with her last weekend it was spotless

I even cleaned the windows.

I have the issues with my DD, if I ask her to tidy her room she will put most things at the bottom of her bed and throw a blanket over it and clothes, clean or dirty get put into the wash basket.
She is getting a bit better about it now but it will depend on her mood. She is 11.

My mum tried all sorts with me, but now at the age of 29 and a mother myself my room is still strewn all over, some clean some dirty!

However I do my best with rest of house, but I need somewhere for my inner slob!

My mum was an utter stickler for tidiness and would go into my room while I was out ar school/work and put anything out of place (her idea of out of place, not mine) into a black sack for me to sort.

To this day I am untidy, possibly an ingrained act of rebellion, albeit an unconscious one.

My dad on the other hand, was just as bad as me growing up, but my Nana just used to close the door and not enter. She wouldn't clean it, wouldn't grab laundry from it, she just let him get on with it. In the end he had to tidy it himself. He's now a bit of a neat freak.

I say just let her get on with it, unless you have real reason to believe it's a health hazard. Or just don't allow her to have friends round until it is presentable.

Oh no, I don't agree you should tidy it.

Either she lives like that or she tidies it.

I have begun getting DS 6.3 to tidy without my help, funnily enough he makes less of a mess now in the first place. I support him, eg breaking it down into smaller tasks. He has spent 45 minutes tidying it and stripping his bed today and was so proud of himself that he made it look that good. Looked even better once I'd hoovered. .

Not sure it will work for a 12yo but in this house dc's do not get new toys/ things if they can't look after the ones they have - not good when Santas due. .

I feel your pain, DD is 9yo.
There must already exist a website where we can all post pix of our offpsring's messy rooms anonymously.

My DD can be untidy too. I think most children have this gene....
She has to tidy and hoover her room once a week, tidy one evening, hoover and dust the following (she gets too much homework to do both on one night). She has a small thing to do each day and if it is missed then a small deduction is made from her £2.50 pocket money.
She very quickly learnt that is if she keeps the room tidy not only does it look better, she feels better in the room but she pretty much gets a day without much of a job to do!!

I used to be horribly untidy as a child and I still can be, to a degree. I have to make a real effort with housework....I am not a natural so I cannot expect DD to be!!

As for what you should do? Shut the door on it, have a coffee and a bun then when she gets home have a chat to her about why it upsets you and perhaps try to come to an arrangement....maybe a gentle bribe might do the trick?

I had the exact same problem with my 9 year old dd. I took everything on the floor and put it in a black bag and confiscated it. Then we tidied the rest of her room together.
Now she is earning back the stuff in the black bag - every day her room is tidy she gets an item back.

I have also told her I will no longer do her ironing so she has to do her own (heavily supervised of course). That was a real eye opener to her as she thought it would be fun but now sees how tedious it is.
Her room has been tidy for a month now so fingers crossed it has had some impact.
Good luck - I really do feel your pain!

Don't tidy it for her. She will see no reason to make any effort herself!

I agree doing it together is a good plan, just make sure she actually participates!

When I did help DD2 it was made clear she had to give it a quick once over EVERY day at first I stood over her every morning or night whilst she did it some mornings she doesn't have time but if she doesn't its the first thing she does when coming home.

Oh the "IT'S NOT FAIIIIIR" wail

I am exceedingly familiar with that one

I have tried bribery.

I have tried threats.

I have tried removal of privileges.

I have tried not letting friends in.

I think I will give up and she can live in a bombsite.

But she will be doing her own washing and ironing.

I will enter said pit every few days and remove cups/glasses/plates.

Or the other option is that I will do the room and not let it be a mess. But that's not FAIIIIIIR it's her room

Oh and MDS - I get the bags at the front door/ stuff left in the kitchen living end etc

I just had to tidy up the living room end of the kitchen.

It was a disaster. Crisp packets, Wii remotes and games, DVD's

I GIVE UP

I read somewhere about having a clutter bucket for each person and as you are cleaning just to chuck their dumped stuff in their clutter bucket.
I haven't tried it but I have always been tempted.
I would need one for dh and the dog too!

Tried that before - worked as long as I put the stuff away lol

Otherwise the buckets just overflowed!

PMSL @ MadamDeathStare.

No just shut the door and leave her in there.

MadamDeathstare - is deathcat available for hire?

YABU - knowing what I was like in my recent teenage years, I would take this as a personal attack. This leaves you open to a "Her vs. Me" battle, and no doubt any of her friends seeing you'd put a picture up would support her. It would be a childish battle, because invading her privacy like that would be an equally childish thing to do in the first place.

Don't clean it up for her fgs! How is thatteaching her anything?! Tell her until she starts living like a human instead of an animal she will have all of her privilidges taken away - including facebook.

My mum (60) has this trouble with my dad (59)! When his crap overwhelms her, she gathers it up and puts it in the garage
Sometimes he notices...sometimes he doesn't...
I wouldn't say it was a habit changing cure though but it eases her mental pressure levels.