Toxic?

[anonymosity]

What on earth does this really mean? I've seen it being bandied around Mumsnet and it just sounds like such an extreme, inflexible, hopeless term! Doesn't anyone else think its just too much - so utterly, hopelessly negative?

not really, what do you mean? i quite like the word

What I mean is, what does "Toxic" actually mean? And why such an extreme and hopeless term?

Hi Anon

I think it originated from the good ol' USA. You can even buy a book about toxic parents. And I should know. I've got them!!!!! Toxic is just a word, and it describes some behaviours perfectly, I think!!!

I know a couple of people who the word toxic fits them like a glove.

They negatively affect everyone they come into contact with, manipulating, petty, controlling, spiteful, they'll do anything to get their own way or prove their point.

They don't enhance your life in any way, and IMO it's better to thumb your nose at social convention/obligation and keep away.

You know, how some people's behaviour is soooo bad for your health, etc

But unless someone is genuinely a sociopath, their negative behaviours are often the result of unhappiness. I don't understand why people don't look at root motivation more and are happy to classify and dismiss so quickly, especially concerning family members.

Look at the stately homes threads (in relationships).

It usually means parents who didn't promote their child's independence, ignored their feelings, did not take care of their emotions and who used their child as a dumping ground for their unresolved issues.

yes,anon, and that's why they're toxic. A lot of them don't sort themselves out, they know they're unhappy, but they'll poison yr life anyway!!!! Don't think things are ever dismissed instantly concerning families. Takes a long time to get over.

Must I?
That thread must be 800 posts long at the very least. I try to avoid most RELATIONSHIPS threads completely as they exhaust and depress me completely

nah, not at this time of night anyway.

So, do you know of any toxic people? I sure as hell do. Great describing term really.

anonymosity - toxic parents are usually so unreceptive to how their children feel that it's impossible to reach a resolution. Parents like this will rewrite history to suit themselves and are hugely defensive. This makes it difficult to work out.

Children of toxic parents usually crave their acceptance but only cut ties when they have reached the end of their rope and finally come to the realisation that they won't change and there is nothing else to do.

well said, electra

The people I know aren't sociopaths, one is unhappy and comes from an emotionally abused childhood, the other I think is genetically predisposed to twatishness (and that would be my professional opinion if I had one ).

I totally agree that for any current behaviour, it's always interesting and important to look at where that behaviour originates.

However, in families, it's much more complicated than just 'happy to classify and dismiss', emotions and history are involved making it more than just a black and white decision to cut contact.

'Must I?
That thread must be 800 posts long at the very least. I try to avoid most RELATIONSHIPS threads completely as they exhaust and depress me completely'

Well, good for you - probably no need for you to understand the term then

:)

I'm quite pleased that you can't understand the term anon, and I don't mean that in a sarky way.

These aren't relationships you would choose to have, and to go through life not understanding how it feels is good in my eyes.

thanks angel.