to have said I was going to keep my pants on?

[DitaVonCheese]

Many moons ago, in my heady pre-DH days, I had quaint notions about getting to know people before I slept with them. Therefore, after a few dates I might say something like "You're welcome to stay the night, but just to be clear, I won't be taking my pants off". (NB this was when living in London, when any post-tube journey home was likely to be either expensive or extremely lengthy, or both.)

One young man agreed, then spent the night arguing with me about it - apparently I was being totally unreasonable to stay the night without being prepared to sleep with him. Another one didn't argue verbally but spent the whole night trying to remove/get into my pants (and then demanded breakfast)

When I complained about this to a friend, she said she thought it was weird and a bit aggressive to have said explicitly that I wouldn't take my pants off. I just thought it was best to be upfront from the start.

So not exactly terribly urgent but my friend's response has been niggling at me for a few years now ... WIBU or was she? Was it weird or sensible to be upfront about what exactly was on um offer?

I definitely think it was best to be upfront straight away - I used to do that too!

Any man who thought you were lying had no right to do so.

YANBU, I was the same pre-DH.

One memorable wanker who stayed over said to me in the morning, quite casually, 'It was nice to stay over, and you know I could have raped you if I wanted to' both emotions I kept tightly under control until he'd left.

He obviously didn't think he'd said anything wrong cos he came back later in the day trying to lend me a book. I didn't answer the door obviously. Fucking werido. Not a stranger either.

I would have slept with DH on the first night, but he was a gent and said he'd rather wait, so we waited until the second night

How strange, I used to use the exact same phrase. Wave to DVC.

YWNBU

YANBU but you were perhaps a little too blunt. I do think if they are staying the night you should offer them breakfest though

YANBU, but, I'd have never had anyone sleep over unless I was planning on no pants.

Bloke view. Yanbu. Clear rules from the start. Not an issue for me.

Yay (so far)

Huddspur, you would get a very good breakfast from me unless you had spent literally the entire night pawing me and trying to pull my pants down so I didn't get to sleep until dawn, then made me sleep with your jeans over my head to keep the sun out of my eyes, then demanded breakfast.

to DF. Happy due date! Are you posting between contractions?

YANBU Best to be upfront.

AngelZigzagsSparklyYuletideLog what a tosser, how could he think that was ok to say??

Angel OMFG!

chippy Funnily enough, it's never occurred to me to ask DH what he thought but just have and he thought it was fine too (and was very well-behaved ).

I never had anyone stay in my bedroom if I had no intention of having sex with them. I've never kept my pants on in bed.
If I have no intention of sleeping with a bloke then I don't get into a situation where he has to stay over, the evening finishes early enough for us both to get home, or he could sleep on the sofa/ floor if emergency.
If a bloke I went out with said I could sleep in his bed but he was keeping his pants on he wouldn't see me again.
If just a casual friend after a party I'd expect to sleep on the floor or sofa.

I sometimes said the same thing, normally got a respectful response.

Why are you posting about this now though, sounds like it was all going on about 100 years ago, does it matter? why are you discussing with a friend?

YANBU

When DH stayed over the first time and we didn't do owt, it felt totally normal and the right thing to do.

We didn't do anything because it wasn't a one night stand and we obviously liked each other.

The weirdo bloke was right because he could have raped me, instead of looking for a relationship he could have taken what he wanted.

I wasn't young or naive, but it didn't even enter my head that a bloke would think that.

Putting him on the floor/sofa wouldn't have stopped him.

DH made ME wait 5 weeks for him. I was going out of my mind! If I'd told him I wanted to wait for a year he would have waited- he respected me and I hadn't had that before.
I was desperate for a shag!

I used this too. But if they were staying the night there would be acts of nakedness.

Nobody had a problem with it.

Generally the guys I went out with were people I knew socially so I didn't really worry about rape. maybe I should have?! What a loon.

I think being upfront about what's on offer is entirely sesnible. YWNBU.

I used to do this too. In fact, the first time that DH stayed over it was "pants on" - I made him sleep on the floor beside me, and although he tried very hard to persuade me otherwise, the pants stayed in place. He's still in shock seventeen years later

Have to say they come off shortly afterwards

Yay

anonymosity It was ages ago, as was the conversation about it. I was posting partly because I always thought it was a bit of a strange reaction on her behalf and wanted to see whether MN agreed with me, but mainly because I was waiting for DH to finish watching Transformers and had read all the other AIBUs on the front page

I remembered last night that there was another bloke who got my line. He didn't spend the night molesting me, but did insist on removing his pants, presumably in hopes that this would win me over, and then was extremely embarrassed when we woke up the next day and he was nekkid and I um wasn't

at lazarus

DH would just like me to mention that Transformers was shit.