To be a little annoyed at I felt compeld to punish my dc's

[Booandpops]

Just been out to a show which ended later than anticipated. Both dc's are tired so act up. I'm trying to control them so not to spoil things for others but friends ds is up and down not getting reprimanded and my ds who is a lot younger is copying Naturally I stuck in a hard place here. We leave and friends are going on to mac donalds. I tell my dc's they can't go as they misbehaved. More tears. I felt I shouldn't hand out more treats after bad behaviour but am also miffed as it was mainly due to friends ds bad behaviour that was copied that caused issues in first place. Grrrrrr
AIBU??

how old are they?

3&5

Your kids are your responsibility and your friends' are theirs. It is up to you to punish your children as you see fit and they will hopefully learn from this what you see as appropriate and acceptable behaviour even if that differs from others.
YANBU to be annoyed that your friend didn't control her ds.

Is this actually "Am I being unreasonable to think my friend is a lax cow, who doesn't discipline her child to my (high) standards?" by stealth?

Possibly a little U, you wouldn't be handing out treats for bad behaviour in my eyes.

If it was a normal day then yes, but as it's a special occasion they do get a bit wound up with perhaps a little bit of showing off?

I wouldn't feel too bad about it, at 3 and 5 they're only just learning the ropes.

What show did you see? We went to the Nutcracker today, which was better than I thought it would be.

It's a tough one. I have a friend who's DS is a nightmare and always runs to the last of my rope if you know what I mean! My DS knows he is better behaved and blatantly goes mad when bad boy is about! That makes it sound as if I blame the other child, I don't. His mum never sets boundaries and blatantly ignores her dc bad behaviour, so I chose bribery and the battles I can win in those situations. I.e. We will not be going to McD because you chose to ignore mummy and misbehave today. In response to the question well why does friends DS get to go? I tell him that it is the only treat he's allowed because he is sometimes naughty and you get to go ice skating, theatre, cinema feeding ducks, putting on roughty clothes and playing in the mud, gardening, feeding the ducks, swimming etc.. All true. And all things that the bad boy finds difficult to cope with.
My DS feels that if MacD is the best you can get it's not that brilliant!

If you do things with other people and their children, there will often be an opportunity to see that there are many types of people in the world, with many different ways of being, and reproducing (through_ parenting ) those ways of being.

You can either get really wound up about it, blame them for raising children that lead yours astray, get fed up that their approach to life (and parenting is different from yours, etc., etc. Or you can be fairly tolerant, and just think "Aren't we all so different? Isn't that interesting? Wouldn't life be boring if we were all, exactly, the same."

I find the latter approach is good for my blood pressure. Other people like to shore up their fragile self-esteem by assuming that anyone who does things differently is failing and inadequate in some way. Some people take every instance of difference as profoundly threatening and an indication that they are crap. I'm sure there are other approaches.

What was this child doing? Teaching your children to smoke crack?

Well, I'd say ease off the accelerator, because you're going to have to pace yourself - if they're 3 and 5 now, you have some years of this sort of thing to look forwards to.

I am with AgentZigZag....your DCs are small, excited and its nearly Christmas...ggetting up and down is hardly bad behaviour.

cracking post ani

Taking them for fast food may have compounded the problems. YANBU.

You know your DCs best, and at what point they're beyond staying out for longer.

oh please, kids go a bit loopy after exciting treat, why get heavy handed about it? they are very little, what are you trying to teach them?

Little boys, for heaven's sake! why punish them for their reaction to a situation you put them in?

Little boys get over-excited ...who'd a thougt it?

Why deny them at treat, or an opportunity to calm them down and get some food in them?

Really, relax. This is not an issue.

Getting up and down during a show at ages 3 and 5 would not be my idea of bad behaviour really but I would have taken y 6 year old ds home anyway if he was tired.

It would not have been a punishment (though ds might have interpreted it that way!) but because as his parent I would have known that he needed to get back home to bed rather than go out somewhere else to get more wound up.

3 & 5, their behaviour would have had to have been pretty bad for me not to take them to eat if they needed to eat or if I had felt that strongly about it I probably would have told them we aren't going tonight because it is too late, if you are good in the morning we will go for lunch tomorrow. At 3 & 5 when it's late, I wouldn't really make it about their behaviour (and I am really strict).

First thought, is Macdonalds a treat?

2nd thought, at that age, a warning might have been fairer and more likely to get them to call to heel. "Right. We are going to Mcdonlands, but ONLY if you put your coats on NOW, and hold my hand to the car. One sniff of any silliness and we are going STRAIGHT HOME". etc.

I agree with chippingin. They were tired - not naughty

I dont know why I can't spell, sorry!

Just to add, if you give a warning, they have a chance and motivation to adjust their behaviour. You have given them no such chance so they may as well play you up now until the bitter end and you slam their bedroom door shut and collapse in a heap on the floor in 2 hours time.