To find it a bit upsetting?

[firefly11]

Went to a dinner function a few days ago and this woman there grabbed me by the wrist and asked if I was expecting. I said no, and she said oh she was just thinking of congratulating me because she thought I was expecting.

I thought I'd gotten over this issue but I suppose I haven't. Basically have this large mass of wrinkly sagging overhang of skin after having 3 beautiful children a couple of years ago, and despite dieting and exercise (I'm now weighing in at just under 98 pounds, which is my normal weight pre-pregnancy, and stand 5 foot 3 so really underweight already by normal standards, but being of Chinese and Malay origin, this is genetic), my pooch makes my tummy look about 3 months preggers in comparison to the rest of my body, and I find it so hard to gain weight. This might sound silly to some but I've always envied women who are naturally more curvy and filled out as they can get away with a pooch much better than I can.

Anyway, I've tried going to the doctor who said it was a plain old pooch and only a tummy tuck will get rid of it, but I can't afford it anyways. I wear a control bodysuit every day and it flattens the pooch a bit but just about, still looks a bit big compared to the rest of me.

This pooch isn't even an issue for me on most days, I just forget about it, but I hate it when every once in a while I get the odd comment from a rude stranger and it just hits me like a sudden slap in the face. I know I should just stop being so bloody oversensitive, but I can't help it. I do get many comments too from strangers saying I look like I've not had kids before cos I'm so skinny, but everytime they say that I feel I have to correct them and tell them that actually my tummy is horrendous! I suppose my issues with my tummy is so bad. I think I should really just get over myself, beat myself up over it, and then beat myself up over getting upset about this, etc. Its terrible. I've never spoken to a professional about this though. Too ashamed. I think there are so many things I should be thankful for... Why must this upset me?

The last time I got such a comment (yes I remember these, how sad I am) was about 4 years ago when a midwife I've never seen before laughed and remarked that I've got such a big pooch. sigh

oh bless you. how rude of her! unless someone is clearly 7 months + pregnant and rubbing her back NO-ONE should ever ask!!!! i got asked when i was due 6 weeks after my ds2 was born and felt awful. but i managed to lie to myself that it was the top i was wearing - which i'll never wear again- even though sadly i do look about 5 months preg. hmmm i think we just have to live with it and be grateful for our lovely kids. watch a few episodes of gok wan and remember that you are SO not alone!! and next time - if - give the tactless b*h what for!!!

Went to a dinner function a few days ago and this woman there grabbed me by the wrist and asked if I was expecting. I said no, and she said oh she was just thinking of congratulating me because she thought I was expecting.

What a cow!

the correct way to handle such a thing is to hear the word no and go bright red and drop through the floor, stammering apologies! Not to say that you really thought the person was expecting! What's wrong with her?

did she at least blush?

No unfortunately no, she didn't sigh, nor did she look embarassed. She added "Oh, perhaps its just your shirt button underneath your sweater that's showing through. It really looks like your belly button's sticking out." (I was wearing a work outfit - buttoned shirt underneath a V neck sweater) Oh my goodness... Just typing it out now makes it seem even more clearer that she was just being insulting. All the while I was still wondering and giving her the benefit of doubt.
I've never met her before in my life and probably never will again. :(

"No, it's just fat. But thanks for asking." (what I said to a colleague who asked if I was expecting again 4 months after giving birth to DS)

Jeez, some people have NO tact. Sorry you have to put up with this. I'm sure you look great.

@stinkypants : Yes I've just got to really count my blessings and try to just get on with it don't I? Its just that over the years, I thought I was doing so well at getting over this self-consciousness with my belly, and then something like this happens and makes me feel like I'm back to square one again.

@ beanlet : You made me smile with that answer :D Thanks, I will use it next time :)

what a cowbag! Some people are as tactful as a kick in the bollocks.

Im sure it doesnt look that bad. I have an apron of skin that just looks like a minging pink-red-mottled empty plastic bag if that makes you feel any better at all

Thanks Southmum ;)

Good grief, that was so rude of her! I only congratulate somebody if she's pushing the pram!

Try not to worry about it. Having kids permanently effects the body and personally I'd rather have my saggy tummy and two lovely sons than a perfect figure, but nobody to give me jammy kisses and shove pieces of Lego in my slippers

I never ask anyone if they are pregnant as it could be a big mistake and in my case usually is (trying to get foot out of mouth)and it's like a cleavage,you looking down at it makes it seem bigger than it is but you sound lovely so wouldn't bother about it she just being bitchy.

at Kerrymum - yes there really are people who are that tactless!

Firefly - she was a bitch :(
I know how you feel - now I am rather overweight but my stomach is the worst part, it seems very out of proportion and hangs down and I absolutely hate it. Even when I lost loads of weight years ago, I still had an overhang :(

No one should ever ask a woman if she is pregnant unless she is actually contracting before your very eyes. What a rude cow bag. And so was the midwife four years ago. Bitches the pair of them.

Promise yourself next time someone compliments you that you will just say thank you. Not explain they are wrong. Just try it, I really hope you'll be able to look back on it and smile!

And if you ever meet such a rude woman again perhaps just a raised eyebrow at them and no further comment!