Bit of background - when OH and I got together I had a daughter, he had 3 kids with ex and over the years we've had 2 together and the 3 kids with ex now live with us.
Ex gets access to kids once per week,OH drops them at her house & picks them back up.
Anyway - I've always treated 3 SC as my own as they are all young and the circumstances surrounding them coming to live with us were messy and they were pretty traumatised kids - basically mum couldnt look after them right and SW removed them from her care
So lately after a good few years the contact is going ok and kids go to her house.
The kids all get on well with each other. There's the usual sibling rivalry but there are 6 of the and thats bound to happen.
They look out for each other and you would never know it was 2 families thrown together.
We treat all the kids the same, and they all get equal amount of gifts, one to one time, treats, etc etc and our little (big) family works great.
The only time there is some resentment though is when SC visit their mum and come back with gifts. I don't mind this myself as she is their mum and is perfectly entitled to buy her children gifts. Just like I am my daughters mum and buy her little treats on those days to equal it out.
But Xmas is approaching and this is the first year that the SC will spend with her for some years. before they had supervised visits and it would happen over the space of a few hours. This year if all goes well they will spend the whole of boxing day with her. Doesn't sound like much, but its a big step for all of us.
Thing is - they will have their Xmas day, and get all our presents, xmas dinner etc on that day and the next day will get the same all over again.
My youngest 2 wont know any different but I feel my daughter will be feeling a little left out when they come back laden with xmas presents and stories of how good their day was.
The ex never makes any point of realising we're all a big family unit. And always singles her 3 children out and ignores the other 3. So I know there's no chance of a little token gesture gift. Even though I sent a little thing when she had her new baby because her having a new baby was a big thing to my 3 SC (her own kids).
So I thought maybe I could get my daughter a few extra gifts to open on boxing day. OH is working that day and the stepchildren will be at their mums so it will be just me, her and the youngest 2 who don't know any better anyway.
But OH and my parents think this is a silly idea!! They think it is like spoiling her when in fact I just want to give her a few extra LITTLE things - to take the blow off her step-siblings coming home laden with lots of extra presents.
I don't want her to feel left out because to be honest it used to be just me and her, and she's been through a lot of change the last couple of years with the extra siblings etc. So why shouldn't I soften the blow a little?
AIBU to want to have a few extra xmas presents for her to have on boxing day so she doesn't feel left out or resentful at her step-siblings getting lots of extra?