To not go on my best friends hen weekend? Sorry long

[chocolatebuttontheif]

My best friend is getting married next summer and I'm one of her bridesmaids. She's currently trying to organise her hen weekend. She's found a website that do hen weekend packages, and wants us to do an inflatable activity weekend.

Three of the locations are in the UK and one is in Sweden. One of the girls suggested that flying to Sweden would be quicker than travelling to one of the UK locations, and now they are getting excited about Sweden. The trouble is what was going to be a relatively affordable weekend staying in a travelodge with an activity and drinks is now starting to sound quite expensive with flights and a hotel. Tbh I'm not sure my friend actually wants to go abroad, but I think she's just happy to go along with what everyone else decides.

DH and I are buying a new house which needs a lot of work, so financially things will probably be tight for the next year. It's not that I don't want to go on her hen weekend, but I really can't afford to go to Sweden for the weekend, and am a little annoyed as me and DH never get to go away together because we can't afford it!

Also we are currently ttc, so at the time of the hen weekend I could be anything up to 6 months pregnant anyway, and obviously don't want to spend a fortune on one weekend if I may not even be able to join in with the activities and drinking.

I don't want to appear childish and want to go as she is my best friend and don't want to let her down. I don't want to suggest doing something else as really it's her last weekend of freedom and nothing to do with me. If I didn't go would she understand or hate me for it?

Definitely go out for the meal beforehand, that seems a great option.

@ "A plane full of shrieking women"
God these Hen Galas really take the piss. They are bloody expensive and yet you get a face if you dare to suggest you cant come. It makes people feel like shit to be the one out of several who can't afford it/cant come due to just having given birth/breastfeeding/whatever else.

I wouldn't go on principle, but then I am a miserable old goat!! I didn't even have a hen do.....even just the thought of having to attend my own was irksome hahaha!

I should add that I've already spent £95 on a room at the hotel where they're having the reception, as it's a good hour away from home.

Thankfully I don't have to buy them a wedding present. I made my own wedding cake when DH and I got married. I offered to make theirs as a wedding present because they were moaning that they couldn't afford one (presumably because they're happy to spend so much on stag and hen weekends instead).

YANBU and anyway, this is not her 'last weekend of freedom'. This is 2010, she is allowed to go away for weekends with her friends after she is married if she likes. Have a quiet word with her - she might appreciate someone else putting on the brakes for her.

God what is it with people arranging really exensive things that they expect other people to come along to, just because they want to go there? A good friend of mine has just decided to have her special birthday in France. In August. In the school holidays. When the flights are at their most expensive. And I'm feeling quite pressured to go. The last one was Italy. Ditto.

It's fine if it's a very small group of special friends and you know they will be able to afford it and be happy to go, (went to NY for a friends 40th and it was fab, but that's because I would choose to spend time with that group of people anyway) whereas my other friends wider gang are ok, but I can mostly take or leave them so it's not how I'd really choose to spend my money, or use up my babysitting favours.

Agree about hen nights - best avoided all round.

But Sweden is bloody fantastic.