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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A Phallic Length?

20 replies

ChristmasTrulyReigns · 09/12/2010 19:11

AIBU to think that just what this country needs right now is another unit of measurement.

I've been thinking that,along the same lines as a Country Mile and a Plumber's Hour, we could institute a Phallic Length to establish distances such as:

the distance between my rear bumper and the TwuntBehind's front bumper at 70+ mph on the motorway.

the distance between where men are looking for an invisible item and where it actually farking is.

the distance that I would like DH to be sleeping away from me so I can enjoy my own space. Angry

Has anyone got any other uses for this essential unit of measurement?

Grin
OP posts:
juneybean · 09/12/2010 19:14

Phallic length............. phallic......isn't that "penis shaped" ?

littlenuttree · 09/12/2010 19:14

Wouldn't men grossly overestimate the length?? Grin

juneybean · 09/12/2010 19:14

ROFL littlenuttree

juneybean · 09/12/2010 19:15

Also do we measure from erect or flaccid?

juneybean · 09/12/2010 19:15

the tape measure I mean

discobeaver · 09/12/2010 19:15

I like the idea of new measurements. On the radio the other day, a comedian was talking about the Toyota Prius. He said that the dash lit up in leaf shapes, so you could measure how smug you were supposed to be in milli-Bonos. I liked that.

A phallic length could be used to measure the space between my trolley at the checkout and the halitosis ridden lech behind me.

cherrybea · 09/12/2010 19:15

Isn't that just the same as a smidgen Hmm

Asteria · 09/12/2010 19:16

the trouble is that would never be accurate... Everyone knows that yhey measure from their bum hole to give an extra couple of inches - although in the case of bumpers and personal space every little helps!

MsElleToe · 09/12/2010 19:16

I thought much the same as littlenuttree, a phallic length would be twice as far in a blokes opinion Xmas Wink.....think of the confusion

PlentyOfParsnips · 09/12/2010 20:05

I like it! We already differentiate between inches and man-inches in our house Xmas Grin

JarethTheGoblinKing · 09/12/2010 20:08

POP - what's the conversion from inches to man inches? Grin

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 09/12/2010 20:14

1:1.8

i think i prefer 'erection'. i was an erection away from slapping her. there was no more than an erection between us etc.

Asteria · 09/12/2010 20:15

the conversion from inches to man inches is relatively easy - just half it!

Asteria · 09/12/2010 20:15

the real inch that is!

Asteria · 09/12/2010 20:16

and this is why i didn't get maths GCSE - 5 times.... Grin

Asteria · 09/12/2010 20:19
Blush
PlentyOfParsnips · 09/12/2010 20:23

yes, 1:1.8 is about right. Just asked DP. He reckons 1:1.5 - 1:2 depending on the insecurity of the man. That's why I love him, he's bloody honest about this sort of stuff.

Original poster
ChristmasTrulyReigns · 09/12/2010 21:29

Nice one POP, I'll bet his man inches are accuarte! Wink

OP posts:
0Lucylabia · 11/12/2010 09:50

I've always like the "Firkin" unit of measurement. It can be very handy Too firkin close, too firkin big, too firkin small etc

WeeScotsLass · 11/12/2010 13:50

Dudley Moore is a phallic thimble. He's 5' 0". Is that a phallic length??

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