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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be worrying about what DH has got me for Christmas

23 replies

clairefromsteps · 09/12/2010 11:10

Before I get flamed, I KNOW it's the thought that counts, but he's bought an expensive present that I catagorically do not want.

As a background, I currently have a laptop that was built some time around 1760. It's giant and slow and things keep going wrong with it, so I need to replace it at some point. DH mentioned in passing that if I was a good girl, Father Christmas might bring me a new laptop. I told him it was really kind but absolutely not to as they're way too expensive for a Christmas gift (we generally keep it to £100 tops).

Now, a big parcel came the other day from Sainsburys (which he'd mentioned were doing some good laptop deals), and I genuinely wasn't trying to see inside (honest!) but the sellotape had been split and I did see that he'd bought me a netbook (a mini-laptop).

DH has a netbook and loves it to bits, but I can't use it because the tiny screen makes me squint, the keyboard is too small to type on with my giant sausage fingers (I'm studying for a degree and need to write 2000+ word essays on a regular basis) and they don't have enough memory for all my photos, songs etc.

Now, this really isn't a case of me stamping my foot and shouting 'I don't want a NETBOOK! I want a LAPTOP!!!' I wasn't angling for him to buy me a laptop and I certainly don't want him to have spent loads of money on something I won't use. I'd rather he got me a book or a box of chocs or something.

So...what do I do? Do I broach the subject with him? He is a lovely, lovely DH and I desperately don't want to hurt his feelings and make it sound like 'Sorry, love, I know what you've got me for Christmas and it's a rubbish idea.'

Or do I take the cowards' way out and rush out this lunchtime and buy myself a shiny new laptop so that he is forced to reconsider? I have just got a redundancy payout and was planning on doing this anyway...

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 09/12/2010 11:13

Um... How about you say to him "I'm going to buy a new laptop with the redundancy money. " and take it from there? You could make a big thing about ensuring it has a good keyboard and enough memory for all you require etc etc.

notasize10yetbutoneday · 09/12/2010 11:14

Ooh, tough one. Really tough. Hmm. I think, to avoid hurting his feelings, I would probably try to work with it for a bit (say a week or so) then say to him how you really do love it so much and what a thoughtful gift (whcih it is) but you are struggling to tyope your essays on it and could it be returned/exchanged?

SantasENormaSnob · 09/12/2010 11:21

Awww that's really lovely of your dh but I do get your dilemma.

I would hate to hurt anyones feelings over a gift so would probably go and buy the laptop.

BonniePrinceBilly · 09/12/2010 11:21

You can return it if you've been using it.

I'd pretend I didn't have a notion what he had bought, and go and buy my own. Then he might send it back without even a word about it? He doesn't feel stupid, you haven't hurt his feelings, you get what you want.

swanker · 09/12/2010 11:23

I am in a similar position (he had to disclose the present because of setting up delivery) - the cost is ridiculously high compared with what we usually spend on each other, and I feel slightly sick every time I think about it.

Compounded with a lot of other crap going on at present, I'm not particularly excited about the big day this year.

minibmw2010 · 09/12/2010 11:26

Maybe this one is for him? If not, next time an advert comes on for Currys say something like "oh that's a good deal, I might pop in and have a look tomorrow" and he may cave or panic and you'll get a better idea. If he says anything about it then you can emphasise how you think it looks good, good screen side which is essential for you, etc. and play it from there.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/12/2010 11:31

I would go and buy the laptop. Bit daft of him really to buy you something so expensive without considering what you really need to use it for.

DH had a netbook that he loved, but he also had another laptop for work and we have a PC which stores all our music etc, so all he used it for was faffing around on the net.
He kept on at me about getting a netbook instead of my ailing and huge laptop, and I told him I didn't want one that I wanted a laptop. So when his bonus came through we bought a Macbook for me. Yes it was expensive, but spending £200-250 on a netbook would have been a complete waste of money.

taintedsnow · 09/12/2010 11:38

Ooh this is quite hard. Tbh, I'd probably buy the laptop myself. Then DH would have to get his money back and find something else. Yes, it would inconvenience him, but it would avoid hurt feelings if you had to say that his present was unusable.

YANBU or ungrateful btw.

Original poster

clairefromsteps · 09/12/2010 11:45

Thanks for the sound advice everyone! I feel a trip to the computer shop coming on.

I'll have to start dropping him hints about the new Professor Layton game so he knows what to swap the netbook for!

OP posts:

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 09/12/2010 11:51

I think you need to be honest with him. Tell him you know about the netbook but would rather have a laptop and explain why. I have a netbook and it does take some getting used too, especially the small screen.

I wouldnt go and buy a laptop without talking to him first. If he's that adamant about buying you one, ask him to put some money towards a laptop. Go halves on it maybe. That way he wont be too put out.

Acinonyx · 09/12/2010 11:52

Dh did something very similar to me 2 Xmas's ago. I spent the next year desperately getting patches and whatnot to keep my specialist software going - it was a nightmare. There were, I'm ashamed to admit, moments when I grumbled brattishly about it.

The moral is that computing equipment makes a bad surprise present.

EweArghhBeeInkUnderbobble · 09/12/2010 12:49

Hmmm net books aren't that expensive (maybe hthats why he got it for you?) we have one I couldn't get my head round it at first but it is really good now and I love how portable it is. Maybe use it to keep you going till you get a proper one?

Callisto · 09/12/2010 13:10

DH bought me a gorgoeus shiny blue Dell Inspiron for my birthday this year, but then my old Dell was on the way out so I needed a replacement. He wouldn't ever buy me something techy just because he thinks I should have it.

FakePlasticTrees · 09/12/2010 13:18

Definately buy the new laptop you need (say it was on a good deal and you didn't want to miss it!), do it today so he's got time to return the netbook and buy you something else.

SkyBluePearl · 09/12/2010 13:30

buy the laptop ASAP.

whatdoiknowanyway · 09/12/2010 14:13

Just following up on the difficulty with small keyboard on netbooks
DH, DCs and I all have laptops for work and school but each one also has a cordless keyboard and mouse which really helps when we're at home. Better for your back too - if you're writing long essays you risk back/neck issues from poor posture through using a small keybaord and screen.

Doesn't help with the lack of memory though. Go buy a laptop!

XmascarolOfFact · 09/12/2010 14:26

My netbook took ages to get used to but now I flit effortlessly between desktop, laptop and netbook and barely even notice the difference in size.

If you really don't think it'll suit you, maybe bring it up with him something along the lines of "I noticed those little netbook things are really cheap at the moment, but I looked at them and they were all far too small for me to work on, and had tiny memory. I definitely wouldn't want one of those, however cheap!" And then make random derogatory comments towards his nettbook on a regular basis - "move that stupid pointless little computer off the table", "I'm suprised you can read things on that screen, I can't!", "imagine doing essays on that, it'd take forever" etc.

Flisspaps · 09/12/2010 14:30

Buy the laptop seeing as that's what you were going to get anyway with the redundancy pay. I tried using DH's netbook to do essays on and ended up coming back to the pc every time.

AllGoodNamesGone · 09/12/2010 14:55

Buy the laptop

I am torn between being honest with him about the netbook or not - his feelings might be hurt but it might avoid a similar situation in the future - next time he might ask you what you want if he's planning on spending a lot.

How good are you at feigning innocence if you come home with the laptop and he says "Oh, but I've already bought you this one!"

Certainly don't use the netbook as you know it isn't going to work for you and it will be much easier for him to return it unused and in all it's original packaging.

I've had gifts before that were not what I'd have chosen - though nothing like this, I am thinking more kitchen stuff, baby equipment etc - and they do get on your nerves for ever more!

llbeanj · 09/12/2010 15:41

i don't really see the need for dishonesty here - he isn't a child, he should be able to cope with it. he's got 28 days to return it, so there isn't a mad rush.

notremotelyintofootie · 09/12/2010 16:16

Ok, I'm probably going against the grain here but I am halfway through my phd which needs a final thesis of up to 100,000 words and yes I use a netbook! I have s separate portable hard drive which cost about £40 and holds 500gb! It's a msi wind and the screen isn't that bad and I happy wrote a 3000 word lit review in the library ghd other day, it's much better for going tonand from uni with, good for using in coffee shops and generally I love it!

The keys aren't too bad but you could always plug a full size keyboard into it at home and if you want to use a bigger screen you can also plug one in at home too....

Perhaps think around the issue and decide what is best for you...

DoNotWantToBeGoogled · 09/12/2010 19:47

What did you actually see through the box???

My full size lap top (4gb & 15 inch screen etc.) was called a net book in the shop as are a lot of lap tops for some reason these days.

BonniePrinceBilly · 09/12/2010 23:44

nah thats a notebook, not a netbook.

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