to want DH to lose a bit of weight and get fit

[naggingwife]

Prepared to be flamed for this... would appreciate the views of the mumsnet jury.

When I originally met DH (12 years ago) he was a fit and sporty type. As I think is common, things have started to slide over the years. He is 34 now, has a stressful corporate job and I think no longer has the inclination to make time for exercise. I am a SAHM and do most of the cooking, so make sure that what I make is fairly healthy - but for DH this is only supper (I suspect his eating habits through the day leave a bit to desired).

He is a brilliant husband and father and I have no other complaints, but I have been looking at him lately and noticing the beginnings of a beer gut etc. It's not as if he's huge, but he could probably do with losing a couple of stone. I think what worries me most is that this might be the start of a slippery slope - both of his parents are hugely overweight (obese) and unhealthy, and his older brother is clearly heading the same way.

I feel I work really hard to promote a healthy active lifestyle to the DCs, but am concerned that the example really needs to be set by both parents. I don't want the DCs growing up with an overweight and unfit dad. But on the other hand I know that as I am at home all day it's very easy for me to prioritise long walks, park trips, swimming etc.

I'm being awful arent't I . Partly I think that this is really none of my business, and that if DH was having similar thoughts about me I would be furious. But I always thought that we were on the same page with this, and it's just that for him things seem to have changed so much lately. I can't believe that he's really happy iwth himself, and he's only 34, that's a lifetime of sitting at a desk and after work beers in front of him!

Just to add, we bought a Wii with Wii sports a little while back with the ideal that we would all use it to get/keep fit.

When we set it up, we all had to be weighed and input height etc. The mini character representing DH immediately ballooned while the screen stated him obese- cue DSS rolling round the floor hysterically

Don't think he's used it for that since although he does play tennis on it.

Tricky one, but YANBU especially as you are clearly trying to be very tactful and supportive about it.

You say he used to be sporty - why did he stop? lack of time? if so then I think your suggestion of giving him an hour or two "off" every weekend to do something sporty is a good one. You can say "I remember you used to love swimming/football/whatever, it's a shame you don't get that any more, how about I look after the kids on a Sunday morning and you look into local teams?"

It's amazing what even an hour a week will do in terms of upping your metabolism and making you more body aware.

Also, if you suspect he eats junk in the day, perhaps you could make some subtle comments - not about his diet but about crap food in general "Ugh did you see Jamie Oliver on tv, he was showing what fast food is made of, it's really grim" that kind of thing...? And then some comments about how great healthy foods are, that sort of thing. My mum has spent years telling our family about healthy foods and unhealthy foods and although we all take the mickey we have actually absorbed a lot of it over the years.