Quick background BIL and ex SIL married the year before me and DH 15 years ago. They have 2 dcs. They broke up 5 years ago. She never liked DH - he and his brother have always been quite close (only 18 months age difference). We live in Ireland. They live in midlands in England.
For lots of reasons I have never liked her. I tried but loads of episodes eventually meant I gave up. A few examples - she wouldn't let BIL come to our wedding. No reason given. She made a scene at MIL's funeral because of where I was sitting - she said she should have sat nearer to FIL because she'd been part of the family for longer than me. I was only sat there because she (and therefore BIL) had refused to travel to the church with everyone else. She told me to stop sending Xmas present to her dcs - as we live away I used to buy DVDs and books from amazon and get them delivered wrapped (lazy cow emoticon) but I'd have been happy with anything we sent. When we were visiting the area once we arranged a time to come over so the cousins could see each other. We arrived and she didn't answer the door even though we could hear her inside.
I never liked how she treated BIL. Of course I could be being unfair here as I only heard his side of the story. I love him to bits - he's like a big daft Labrador (although I recognise a Labrador might not make a great dh!). But BIL was the one member of dh's family who helped when dh was seriously ill - he came to stay and was a big support even when he went home - this was after they'd split. My older dcs adore their uncle - he hasn't seen the baby yet but will be visiting in the new year.
After they broke up (because she had met someone else but after years of misery - they never had sex after dc2 was born even though he had a vasectomy at her insistence. He slept in dc2's room for 3 years until he moved out) they worked out access and finances between them as a solicitor would be too expensive. He moved into a bedsit and paid the agreed sum every week. He saw the dcs as arranged at weekends but had no room to have them to stay - couldn't afford it. He found this really hard but accepted things. Last January he lost his job. Not his fault but the firm folded. She went mad at his irresponsibility. He had a rough 8 months with no regular work but kept up the same payments for the first 3/4 months by selling his car, taking out a loan and through part time agency work. He applied for over 400 jobs including some abroad and near us. Eventually he simply couldn't pay her as much as he had been but promised he'd pay it back when he got work. She reported him to CSA and reduced his contact with dcs to fortnightly. His dd who is 12 now kept telling him how useless he is - obvious where she got that from. Noelw ex SIL has a job and a new partner and BIL was still paying all the mortgage and more - just not as much as before. In September he got a new proper job and it's actually paid more than the old one. But SIL wasn't interested in him paying back the arrears as she put it as it was all up to the CSA. BIL has been threatened with this for years. He found out this week that CSA even including the pay rise expect him to pay substantially less than he used to. So much so he can actually afford to live in a flat and maybe have his ds to stay occasionally. (dd now not talking to him)
No doubt I'm BU to laugh at SIL's expense but I did. I am so sad for the impact on BIL's relationship with his dcs but he can afford to have them over part of Xmas and buy them a proper present for the first time since the split and he's so happy.