To be LIVID

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

This week has been a nightmare. My regular childcare wasn't able to do our 2 days this week and DS came home Monday after surgery so very poorly and without the use of his right arm. Major stress levels.

Anyway 1st day sorted with the help of fab relative. 2nd day my sister said she would help me out. I was due to leave at 8am but she said that was a bit early and so could she arrive at 10, I explained that the children couldn't be left with DH due to teh GA and his lack of limbs! So I had another family member on stand by.

1. She arrives 2 hours late.
2. She asks DH to install car seats as she wanted to go out! :0 Even though these were brought to her the day before.
3. She brings baby back with a dirty nappy and asks DH to do it as she couldn't face it. He had a red bottom as a result.
4. She leaves an hour before I get home.

I AM LIVID and shocked TBH. I thought more of her. She has phoned a few times this evening and I have ignored her calls as I am soooooooooo engry.

Poor DH just cried and went to bed when I got home. His mum had offered but my sister was keen to do it!

AIBU to expect her to do what she said she would 'love' to do. Thank god I only work 2 days because this week has emotionally killed me.

Sorry DH came home after surgery

Didn't your DH tell her where to go? Mine would have done.

I wish he had!

i thought you were saying your DS had surgery and your DH didn't have any limbs at all and that your sister made him change a nappy and fit a car seat now that would have been impressive!!!

Yes I would be cross. ~Although are ineptitude and stupidity involved, rather than recalcitrance? I suspect teformer.

the former, of course

i would be fuming too.

The lateness would piss me off on its own, but asking your DH with his current problems to install car seats and change nappies is not on. Surely that was the point of her being there! And not being able to face a dirty nappy ffs?! What the fuck did she think the baby would do? Hold it in til you got back?

I would be having words! And asking her when she will be apologising to your DH too, hope he is feeling better.

Bloody hell. Ring her. That's rubbish.

what the hell do I say without killing her!?

Yanbu

Calm down a bit before you speak to her.
You'll only rant and rave and she'll get defensive. stay calm and explain how she let you down. She sounds young and thoughtless.

but sooo ready for a baby of her own appartently

If she has no kids, then you might have to let her off and not leave your DC with her until she maybe has her own kids.

If she has a child of her own, then she has behaved appallingly and I think I would just have it out with her.

Could you email her?

That way you can put down exactly why are you are angry and what you think she should have done instead and what you expect her to do to make amends in terms of apologies etc.

You then have the chance to re-read it and make sure you are saying what you want to say without losing it, as you possibly would on the phone.

On the odd occasion that I have had to write that sort of email, I do it in Word first so I dont just bang out a rant and hit send!

Cut her some slack, and remember Hanlon's Razor. Oh, and don't ask her to do anything again.

Sorry to go off topic but Hanlon's razor is genius - it explains a huge amount about dealing with my boss!

ummmm I guess stupid not malice sums her up well!

i think - thank her and say you appreciate her wanting to help but (gently) maybe in future someone else could help out as the stuff she did was not helpful but you realise she mightn't have realised the impact on you.
And I think emailing would escalate things....you're better off not falling out over it, and she probably did have good intentions but was thoughtless. Just don't take her up on her offers again!

Answer the phone.
Burst into tears before she has a chance to say anything (and cry over her if she does try to explain)
Say that you are just too upset to talk about it now, that you thought you could trust her to look after your dc and dh but you were obviously wrong
Then say you are too upset to talk to her about how she has let you down now
But that you will want to talk to her about it later when you have had a chance to digest it all

Then say goodnight and put the phone down...

Write out what you want to say to her beforehand, ignore anything she says by saying you can't discuss now, but will later when you are not so upset so you can have a sensible conversation.

That way she will see that she has upset you, that you will talk to her but not yet (make her worry think about what she did) and you will get a chance both to vent at her and to discuss rationally later.

For now, just go with upset. Livid can come later when 'you have had a chance to think about it'...

And then can you ring your mum or another relative to rant at them so that hopefully your sis will end up being told off by them too?

Good advice zipzap.

But OP, do tell her. She may not have realised, and she can't go around living in such a bubble. the tit

Is your poor DH OK? :)

Is she very young?

I think that she initially couldn´t be bothered to be there at 8 showed that she wasn´t really up to it.

DH just gone back to the hospital as when we removed the massive outer bandage there was lots of blood. The wound (8cm) has totally come apart....about 3 stitches left :(

:( What will happen now? how fixable is it? I don't know the background but it sounds upsetting.

So sorry you are having such a shitty time. I would just ignore your sister for a while, if you can.

Sending support/virtual wine.

Thanks TurkeyMartini he has been gone for hours without his phone! My friend is a nurse and she was concerned they couldn't restitch it 48 hours after for some reason
:( I could scream!

OMG!

Hope everything is OK.