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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

when you know you can't change 'em, and don't want to hurt 'em, what is left to do?

6 replies

narnacake · 08/12/2010 19:29

I know that my mum will not change, but I do know that if I say NO to her when she asks to borrow money when she knows that even if she does have £100 a week less coming in than is going out, that I have about twice as much shortfall and am struggling too - that when she phones me up and has a ten minute conversation with me about nothing in particular and then asks to borrow a few quid because she hasn't got enough food - and oh, can I pop round to her work with it - and then after I say okay quickly says thanks and that she'll see me later then and hangs up - then comes to my house saying "I thought you were going to call round" to which Ithought that she meant call round to her house - and then quickly remember that she needed some money and feel awful - she then goes off on one about "oh, it's alright" to which I reply "do you know, it is alright because I totally forgot"

I just want to tell her to fuck off and manage her money better!

It drives me mad, but what ever I do, she'll make me feel like the bad person, and I can't fall out with her so close to Christmas - even if she has made plans which mean that I'll be spending the best part of Christmas day at home on my own with the child...

Anyway, after my rant - what do you do when you really cannot win with somebody?

Erm, for the AIBU - maybe AIBU to think that mothers should act like mothers, and not like silly spoil children??

OP posts:
pjmama · 08/12/2010 19:31

One simple sentence.

"I do not have enough money to lend you any."

She'll never learn to manage her own money if you keep bailing her out. So what if she rants about it? Not your problem.

MrManager · 08/12/2010 22:00

How has she survived this long without getting bankrupt?

parakeet · 08/12/2010 22:05

Please love stop lending her money.

narnacake · 09/12/2010 20:29

But it is my problem, she's my mum. How can you let your mum not eat?

I'm just so stressed at the moment, I've got no money at all hardly coming in and hundreds a month going out - I just do not know how I will manage, and all that I have is her moaning at me at every opportunity about how she has "more going out than she has coming in" like I haven't got that myself AND trying to run a business.

Honestly, it's all just too much, and it makes me want to scream.

What I really need is a mother to give me advice and I just look at her and think "you're a failure" and look back at myself in my awful financial situation and think "well, you're not much better"

OP posts:
MrManager · 09/12/2010 20:55

Does she have a job? A mortgage? Renting? A husband? It's hard to decide if YABU when we don't know the situation.

If she really desperately can't afford food, then buy her food for her, don't just give her the money.

narnacake · 09/12/2010 21:05

She's single, rents - debt with EVERYTHING
Works 30hrs if she gets them and generally brings home around £200 a month less than she has going out.
ATM, she's buying food with her tips and if she gets no tips, then I get a phonecall - or guilt-trip...

It makes me angry though coz she has never been able to handle money, has always been in debt and her "spend now and think about the consequences later" attitude has finally caught up with her.

She often will ask for a tenner and I'll lend it to her out of the "till" at my shop, and I will get it back when she gets paid, but it's just the fact that she is bringing HER problems to me when I should be able to go to her for advice/encouragement, especially when I'm in near enough the worst situation I've ever been in at the moment with starting my business and having so little money coming in, its like she's totally blind to my situation and only cares about herself and the fact that she can't afford to buy Christmas presents like it matters. FFS, if you can't buy food, how do you think we'll expect you to buy us Christmas presents!

As I say, it's driving me mad :(

OP posts:
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