to tell my mum when she's being negative ?

[prettywhiteguitar]

I'm facing Christmas with my over critical mum. I do have my brother, Dp and Ds to soften the blow of her company !

But can I just tell her when shes repeatedly being over critical or negative ?

Shes always been like this but I am pregnant so hormones are threatening to tell some home truths !!!!!!

We lost my dad 2 years ago which is still hard for her and she is suffering being on her own a lot but when I've suggested her joining clubs etc which she does, she says negative things about the people there or just rubs people the wrong way.

Went on holiday with her with Ds and actually witnessed her reduce a woman to tears in the youth hostel by being critical about her walking experiences...don't ask !

rant over :0

You could be me! Only my DM is staying with my sister this year.

I usually do tell my DM when she's being over critical - but it ends up with her sulking and creates a bad atmosphere.

These days I try to cheer her up a bit - by asking her to play board games with the DC or putting happy films on. And changing the subject when she starts on a long negative monologue.

My dad died more recently. I think it's up to us to steer them into being a bit more acceptable to others so that they can make friends. Home truths in a gentle way are probably good imo.

It is very wearing though, especially if you are pregnant.

agree with howtoapproach change the subject where possible, but if she really crosses the line then tell her. My mother is incredibly critical and on the few occasions I have dragged myself up tall enough to tell her she has actually taken it on board. We (I have 4 siblings) have also taken to plying her with alcohol if she gets naggy at family things, which jollys her up no end!

My Mum can be quite negative at times,although doesn't sound as bad as yours, and I have known her to come across to strangers as being quite rude. She doesn't mean to do it, I genuinely believe that, she just doesn't realise how she sounds sometimes.

I do tell her if I think she's gone too far but I say it in a nice way. She just thinks I'm too soft!

Thats really good advice thanks both of you. If I can make a joke out of it then we might get somewhere.

Changing the subject when she gets on a long monologue is also a brilliant suggestion, rather than listen to her and complain afterwards.

Howtoapproach you are right I think if I could gently say thats a very negative attitude maybe she might regognise herself when shes doing it to others

Asteria last year she got a bit tipsy over christmas a few times and each time it just makes her more outspoken usually to my brother having a bit of a dig. I wish alcohol worked..it does on me !!!

curlymama my mum also thinks i just put up with other people but I also think she just lacks manners with others, inc my brother and dp

I'll try to just be nice about it when shes doing it, although I don't really know what to say which is why I'm 30 and asking how to deal with my mum when shes been like this all my life !!!

I suggest that you make some "special brownies" instead...
Not that I would ever advocate drugging one's family members to get a moment's peace
Try not to haul her up in front of anyone else, just in case she takes it as a huge personal attack. If you can combine it with a massive hug then that might help too. Shame that pregnancy means you can't just sit in a drunken heap in the corner with a squiffy party hat on - next year perhaps! Good luck with it all

Hahah yessss special brownies is maybe the answer.....giggling then sleep for 3 days :) Christmas sorted

oh no touching in our family !! Being pregnant does mean that I can feign tiredness and need mn a small lie down