to be really irritated by this...

[CaptainHaddock]

My oldest DD is in year 1. She's quite a tomboy and doesn't have a 'best friend', just seems to get on well with most children and generally plays with the boys at school.

This term she struck up a friendship with another little girl, her Mum seems really nice, we got on well, and there was talk of inviting for tea etc. Then a couple of weeks ago DD and new friend were involved in some group bad behaviour at school which according to the teacher was instigated by another child. It was dealt with at the time and we supported the school in disciplining DD and getting her to apologise.

DD came home today and said that new friend's Mum has told her she's not allowed to play with DD anymore following above incident even though she was also involved!

AIBU to feel really irritated by this? It just seems so petty and I'm annoyed by the implication that my DD is the 'bad guy' when she's a really lovely girl . If I'm honest I'm also a bit disappointed that this friendship has stopped before it even started as both little girl and her Mum seem really nice. DD isn't bothered about it but I am!

YANBU, but this is not worth chasing - if the mum is this petty and shallow, it will happen again, you will have more aggro and it will all be miserable. Tell your DD she can play with this other little girl at school if they are both happy to do so - the other girl's mum can hardly monitor everything her DC does during break time at school, can she?

thanks pointy, I know it's not worth chasing but the little girl doesn't seem to want to play with DD now, and before all this they were getting on really well

The most important thing of all is that your DD isn't bothered. That's great. There are enough times when they are bothered and there's nothing we can do to change the situation. She sounds like a fantastic kid. Let it go.

Just wondering if maybe the other mum is feeling that your DD and hers make a "lethal" combination - as much as a couple of tiny ones can be "lethal" anyway . Was it a serious incident or just mischief making? She maybe wants to nip any more trouble in the bud by trying to keep them apart a bit, not necessarily blaming your DD for it all. You could maybe say to the other mum in a friendly way "What did you make of that incident the other day? Shocking eh, are you worried about it?"

You're right porkchops, I'm sure there will be much worse to come, it's just the first 'negative' situation I've had to deal with in relation to another Mum at school.

starry the incident involved spitting at each other (group of about 5 children) and at anyone who happened to walk past. The other Mum and I both work so not always around on the school run, but I will make an effort to have a friendly chat next time I see her.

The other Mum will learn the hard way that she cannot get involved in her child's friendships.

They like who they like. Also...your DD is SO young still that it is far to early to label her a tomboy...she's a tiny little grl and they are mostly happy to mix in together for another year or two before they decide that boys smell and have germs

Dont worry about it...it will blow over...leave it till next term and see if DD still liks her little friend and offer a play date then.

For the record my DD has a best mate who really IS a horror. But I would not dream of telling her nt to play with the kid....as far as I am concrned, DDs teachers are capable of noticing any "Lethal combinations" and breaking them up as and when needed.

DD would take no notice of my instructions anyway.