DH is a pleb...

[missldi]

Need to vent..Back to work in two weeks-have been doing 99% of the housework, child minding etc. DH lost main job-now does a few shifts in a bar at the weekend. My wage pays practically everything.
Anyway, DD teething, not sleeping-so I'm wrecked. Run down with mouth ulcers etc. Asked him to get up ONE morning (today) to let me get a bit of sleep.His reply-I'm tired, just want to relax...FFs. He's lucky I didn't smother him while he slept.
Man's being a pleb. At this moment in time, I'm so tired I could-and probably will-cry.

Pleb is probably the wrong word to use. I'd suggest twat/nob/cunt/wankshaft/arsepiece/ etc. you can choose your own either from my list or have another go.
I would insist that DH got out of bed, how old is your DC? Will your DH be staying at home with her while you go back to work?
If so, he's not making a very good start at being a good parent.

Yup-he'll be her primary carer for our 6 mth DD. If there wasn't arctic conditions here, I'd run away(with DD)for a while.

Not surprised you need to vent - what a twunk. He is very lucky you did not smother him. He thinks he's tired - how exactly does he think you feel?
Some straight talking needed now - some men (and women!) need boundaries like children and he needs to know he is crossing the line!

I know he loves her-dotes on her to be exact, but is more up for the fun stuff. Really anxious about the return to work too-I don't think he realisies just how tiring it all is. What I need is a "wife" like he has-dinners made, house clean, child loved and looked after.

Have you got family or friends that would let you go to their house for a nap for a few hours? If so I would wake him, give him the baby and go and sleep!

Would love to-but roads here treacherous (live in the countryside,ungritted roads). Anyway, all I wanted was one morning to sleep till 8/9 without having to haul my carcass out of bed-ONE morning out of 6 months...

bump

Yanbu.

"What I need is a "wife" like he has-dinners made, house clean, child loved and looked after."

So tell him! Don't ask, tell. Sit him down and say "This is how it's going to be. I'm going back to work and it's going to be stressful. I kept things up at home while you were working and I wasn't; now you get to do it for me".

Or I anticipate another post on AIBU in a few weeks complaining that you get home from work and dinner's not been sorted, the house is a disaster, child is unhappy and DH is in bed/watching tv/playing video games.

Grow a pair and tell him not only how you're feeling but practical stuff about what you need from him.

Good advice...find conflict difficult, so have been avoiding the inevitable.

Sounds exactly like my DH - have been trying to get a lie in (and that means till 8 a.m.) for 20 months!! When my DH was at home cos he didn't have a job, his excuse was that he was too depressed to get up(!) and now that he does have a job, he has to relax at the weekend....what happened to my weekend!

And I have tried the talking approach (many many times!)and his response...'you always ask me for things I find difficult to do' - come on!!

I agree with notmyproblem - polite requests are getting you no where. Time this moron wakes up & smells the coffee - you're going to have to tell it to him straight. Expect him to take some time to take it all in & probably sulk for a day or two, but he seriously needs to wise up to how his cruise through life in the lazy lane is effecting you and your family.

AddictedToCoffee, is it possible we've the same DH?
Apparently, we don't need the sleep/downtime/minute to ourselves..

Well we're women - our genetic make-up is different...we don't need to sleep, eat or relax - it's our job to be on-call 24/7!!

So it would appear...just so fed up having to be the responsible one.I know that part of this is my fault, because I've just got on with things,but I really thought that when I asked for help, he'd man up and get up-once.

This might not be popular however here goes - I had exactly the same issue with my DH when our kids were smaller. I was b/f'ing and awake half the night, two older kids also restless - he has never, not once in eleven years got up to them at night. Who gets the weekend lie-in was a big issue for me, I thought I should get at least one morning in bed. His idea of me having a lie-in was to get up around 9.30am after two hours of the littlies coming in to see if I was getting up. On his lie in morning I would get up when they woke, usually 7.30am or so and give them breakfast. I decided to be passive aggressive and never ask for a lie-in just do everything and see if he would get guilty. Guess what, he does feel guilty but perfectly happy for me to do it all. Sometimes I do boot him out of bed on SUndays if I'm wrecked but now the kids are older and can play without waking me, however DH never pulled his weight and I let it go for a quiet life. Sometimes a peaceful house is more important than a few hours in bed

YANBU, it's his home too and your DD is his child too, so he's equally responsible and needs to pull his weight.

Otherwise tbh you might start questioning why exactly you're with him at all and what you get out of the arrangement - not much financial contribution, no practical help with housework and childcare, apparently not even much love or respect if he's happy for you to run yourself into the ground so he has all the time he wants to 'relax' .

Have been letting things go for a quiet life-just p'd off that he doesn't want to give me a break despite me spelling it out for him that with returning to work imminent, I'm struggling.

Good grief don't put up with this rubbish behaviour

DH was self employed whilst job hunting for the first year of DSs life. Mostly due to Ill health he didn't work a lot. I was on maternity leave. If I was up more than once in the night with DS he didn't wake me in the morning, just quietly got up and took our older girls to school. That (or the equivalent) is what I expect an unemployed or otherwise available partner to do. I never had to ask him. Likewise if DS was ill or teething or it had just been a rough day he would disappear into the kitchen ad cook us all tea.

It's not difficult, you just treat others as you would like to be treated. Show this thread to him.

I think I will show this thread-says it all, really.

My DH was primary carer for a number of years. It can work, it did for us. Just to be clear, being primary carer is not 'unmanly'. DH took the view that being primary carer was his job, no slacking, chilcare, housework etc were all part of the role. When I got home from my job the childcare was split equally.

When DCs were small, getting up in the night was split equally. We did one night on and one night off. This meant that whoever was 'on' would deal with all the night time disturbances for that night. The person who was 'off' got a full nights sleep.

Missldi you need to tell your DH that congratulations, his application was successful, he has a new job as primary carer. Tell him what the role entails then let him get on with it. He will do things differently from you but that doent mean he is getting it wrong.

Believe me, this role change can be liberating and very positive for you all. It was great for our DCs as they got to do 'Dad' things when not at school.

Good luck with this.

Thanks folks for all the wise words.