to be properly offended by this numpty?

[maighdlin]

i love the BBC's have your say section. interesting read and you do get some clever people on it. today they were talking about "sexual" items aimed at children, t shirts that say "porn star" etc. one person said this

This does need to be addressed. Kids should be kids. I dispise seeing kids forced to give up fun for 'education' (some kids dont have a clue about fun) and I dispise seeing kids (usually young girls) wanting to look and act like tarts.

In my family I have cousins who were barely up to my knee in height but dance like lapdancers because of the pop singers at the time. Luckily their parents make them dress appropreately but I think if young kids were taught self respect there would be less rape cases. Being taught the difference between a prostitute/lapdancer/stripper and normal behaviour would make all the difference.

I completely agree with what they are saying except for the " I think if young kids were taught self respect there would be less rape cases" WTF????? I am very rarely offended but how bloody dare they say that a girl having low self esteem means she gets raped??? I hate this attitude that some people "deserve" or "ask for it" when it comes to rape. Rape is rape no matter what you are wearing or whatever. Its a stupid misogynistic way to think that only "good" girls get raped.

Im not sure im even making sense here but am so effing angry at this ignorance AIBU to think that some uninformed ignorant dickhead wrote this?

[Sakura]

yes... it's this fantasy that women would use this to get back at their exes because women are actually that spiteful

Or that women are sometimes so ashamed of having sex that they wanted to pretend they didn'T really want it after all, and change their mind the next day a la the eighteenth century

All these are patriarchal projections of what women are supposed to be like, nothing to do with actual women

[Sakura]

Rapists are men, in case you hadn't noticed MrManager

NOt all men are rapists, but those who rape are men

[MrManager]

HerBeatitude: "their victims are interrogated about their sex lives, fantasies, previous partners, etc., even though they're not supposed to be."

That's not true. Judges will only allow it if to not allow it would risk an unfair trial.

[Sakura]

Men need to be told not to rape so that they stop raping women

[HerBeatitude]

So how do you suggest we only tell rapists not to rape women MrManager? HOw do we know which men are rapists and which men aren't, in order to tell the correct ones?

[MrManager]

Sakura only if you use the British legal definition of rape. Women have 'raped' men before.

[Sakura]

Men: DON'T RAPE

is a very good message for young men

[MrManager]

Young men don't need to be told not to rape someone.

[HerBeatitude]

And in what situations would that risk an unfair trial?

ANd why aren't rape defendents asked about their sexual attitudes?

[Sakura]

Men: DON'T RAPE

IT's an important message because that is the ONLY way rapes are going to stop

[HerBeatitude]

So how do we tell men not to rape women MrManager, if you claim that young men don't need to be told not to rape women?

Why do you think it would harm young men to be told they shouldn't rape women? Any more than it would harm them to know they shouldn't mug anyone, or to drive drunk, or to get into fights?

[HerBeatitude]

Sorry I mean how do we tell RAPISTS not to rape women, if we're not allowed to tell men?

[HerBeatitude]

Why are you so angry about the idea that we should tell our sons what rape is Mrmanager?

D'you think boys and men shouldn't know?

[MrManager]

WE DO NOT NEED TO TELL MEN NOT TO RAPE.

It's extremely patronising. Men do not have some inner desire to rape everyone or everything that can only be held back by being asked not to.

Were you ever told not to murder people? And how many people did you murder?

[Miggsie]

In my experience young men need to be told quite a lot of things.
Most of them don't listen though.

[Sakura]

A Quiz:

Which is worse?

A) Being patronised

B) Being raped

[Sakura]

We need to tell men not to rape, because nothing else is working. They keep raping women.

[Goldenbear]

I have a 3 year old DS and myself and his father would feel like we had hugely failed him if he believed he should avoid raping someone because he may get arrested and charged or because he may impregnate a girl/woman. I find these reasons morally repugnant and it is disturbing, to say the least, that a mother would in holding these views essentially be condoning rape mjinsparklypants?

[HerBeatitude]

Yes I was.

"Thou shalt not kill"

I was told not to. I went to a catholic school. IT was assumed that the message was for me, personally, not just some airy fairy pie in the sky thing that I didn't have to engage with. I was treated as if i was a moral being, and I was capable of murder. Later on in my (non-catholic) school, we discussed moral issues like rape, murder, blackmail etc. and asked to imagine scenarios where we wer to give our responses and engage with the ethical issues.

Didn't everyone have this sort of thing at school? What's so outrageous about it?

[HerBeatitude]

Yes I want my DS to not want to rape someone because he believes it's morally wrong, not because he's afraid he'll be arrested otherwise.

Just as I don't murder people because I believe it's wrong to murder, in general, not because I'm afraid of prison.

[Sakura]

or I'll be honest, MRManager..

Not all men are rapists, I know it, you know it.

But the courts pretend as though rapists are the same as other men. They believe the rapists lies that she wanted it. Every time a rapist does this, and a court believes him, it tars all men with the same brush. If I was a man I would be looking to uncover the rapists' lies, and fight to expose rape myths to distance myself from rapists

[Miggsie]

I was told not to murder people, my Sunday School teacher was really quite firm on the subject. I have never murdered anyone.

I know murder is wrong.

If I had grown up in a society where no one discussed murder and was really quite unbothered by it and there was no punishment, I may well have committed a murder...Sierra Leone and Sudan don't seem to care about rape or murder, so an awful lot of it goes on.

You have to tell people what is right and what is wrong and what is acceptable and what is not, or you get the worst possible society where everyone does anything they like as there is no punishment, hence countries where rape and murder are common and unpunished.

I wish someone would tell South African men that gang rape is not a weekend pastime to bond with your mates.

[HerBeatitude]

Oh, yes, I'd better confirm here that I've never murdered anyone, however tempted I was.

[begonyabampot]

I might be naive but I don't think the courts and juries do necessarily believe the 'rapist'. I just think it is a very difficult crime to judge on the 'beyond all reasonable doubt'. I wish it was different and maybe there is a better system but at the moment we are faced with one which makes it very difficulty for the Jury. I never want to be on a jury but would especially hate to be on one for rape where as often it is one word against the other and would hate to judge 'not guilt' on the he said/she said evidence even though I believe that the majority of women do not lie about being raped. Hopefully one day, there will be a better system.